


Spectrum of light

by nicole_kaiwo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Prophecy, Remadora, Ronks, Slow Burn, blackinnon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 45,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27117704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicole_kaiwo/pseuds/nicole_kaiwo
Summary: "If it had happened in peacetime, Remus would have simply taken himself off to a new place and a new job, so that he did not have to endure the pain of watching Tonks fall in love with a handsome, young wizard in the Auror office, which was what he expected to happen."(https://www.wizardingworld.com/writing-by-jk-rowling/remus-lupin)What if Tonks did not immediately fall in love with Lupine, but with someone else?
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Comments: 43
Kudos: 26





	1. Omnipresent paranoia

Tonks, 23.06.1995

_Why being an adult had to be so complicated sometimes_? Tonks asked herself.

While filling out her vacation application, the pink-haired witch really wished she could ask her mum for help. This form contained questions she had no idea how to answer.

_What in the name of Merlin was the difference between a residential address and a permanent address? Why did they need her second name (as if the first wouldn’t be humiliating enough)? And, oh Merlin, what was her personal magic identification number again?_

Mainly because of this application, Tonks hasn’t had a day off since she started working at the Auror Office. Even for the holidays!

Initially, she had planned to take a day or two off for Christmas. But after seeing this form, she gave up. However, the official version for her parents was that as the youngest employee and a woman, she needed to work harder than anyone else. What was also very true and not so embarrassing to admit.

Anyway, now this excuse won’t work. She must take some time off. Two weeks ago, Tulip (her school best friend) got engaged. And apparently, during the engagement party, Tonks agreed to become her maid of honour. Tulip knew her well enough, to ask only then when Tonks was so drunk that she didn’t even mind, being called by her first name.

Unfortunately, it looked like a maid of honour had also other duties besides preparing a wedding speech which would completely embarrass the bride. The wedding was to take place at the end of January. Six months seemed like a lot of time. But only recently Tonks found out that things like the wedding hall or a wedding dress had to be planned well in advance.

Besides, Tulip agreed to move to her fiancée in the States right after the wedding. In other words: Tonks also had to help her with that. Therefore, she needed the whole next week off.

“Finally, going on holidays Tonks?” A young, dark-skinned man approached her desk. He put on it: a pile of documents, a coffee to go and a copy of the _Daily Prophet_. “It’s about time.”

“Wotcher Talbott!”

She quickly conjured a chair for him. They both clink their coffee cups and then took a long sip. Tonks ignored the pile of documents he brought and reached for the newspaper. They had such a ritual practically every morning.

Talbott Winger was on the same year as she at Hogwarts. Though they were in different houses and had distinct characters, they became good friends. After school, he also got into the Auror training programme. Although, he resigned during their first year and transferred to the Magic Analysts Department, which worked very closely with the Auror Office.

“Yeah, I have to help Tulip with the wedding. Maid of honour duties, you know.”

“Right! I still can’t believe she got engaged. I've always thought that in our group, Penny would be the first to get married. But this is probably just a matter of time.”

“Yes, probably. However, I won't be surprised if Charlie proposes to some hot dragoness soon.”

Tonks was still shocked that she got to an age when her friends were starting to make important life decisions, such as marriage. Sure, her mother was only seventeen when she got married, but the circumstances were completely different. So far, the pink-haired witch has not thought about such matters at all. But Tulip’s engagement caused that her safety bubble suddenly burst.

“Who are you betting on?” Talbott asked nodding at the cover article about the Triwizard Tournament final.

“Cedric, of course! Remember, he was only a first grade when he joined the Circle of Khanna? His duelling skills were very impressing. Also, he is a Hufflepuff. So, I have to support him. And how about you?”

“I support Cedric too, but I think Krum will win. I mean, have you seen this guy? It’s hard to believe that he is only eighteen. And speaking of blokes…” Suddenly something behind Tonks caught his attention. “Don’t turn around, but guess how is staring at you?”

After that, of course, Tonks had to turn around. She saw two of her colleagues looking in her direction, apparently talking about her. One of them was this old pervert Dawlish, but the other was Michael Williamson. Tonks felt how her face turned red, and with all her willpower, she contained her hair from doing the same. Rapidly, she turned back to Talbott and hid her face in her hands.

“You could have warned me.”

“I told you not to turn around.”

“How long do we know each other Winger? You should know better. Oh, bugger! Is he still staring at me?”

“No, he’s gone.”

“Really?” She turned again and saw that Williamson was still in the same position as a moment ago. This time her hair turned red as well. She wanted to curl up and die.

“I will hex you for this, I swear!”

“I’m sorry, Tonks. It’s just such a rare sight to see you so intimidated by a guy is.”

“I am glad that you enjoy my suffering.”

“Look, I’m really sorry. But you have a crush on Williamson for so long. Why don’t you just ask him out?”

It was true. Michael Williamson was probably her biggest and definitely longest crush. He was only five years older than her, and she already found him very attractive when they were in Hogwarts. At that time, she didn't care so much about it. However, seeing him again in the Auror Office made her weak at the knees.

He was perfect! He had long dark hair which he wore in a ponytail, dark almond eyes and strongly outlined jawlines. He wasn't super tall, but still taller than her. However, his whole body was perfectly muscled. He was always well dressed. Mostly in red or black robes, under which he sometimes wore band shirts just as she did. They were listening to the same music, and she heard that he could play the guitar. Apparently, he was even friends with the singer Lorcan d’Eath. Tonks knew that they were perfect for each other. There was just one problem…

“You know I can’t ask him out. He has a girlfriend.”

“Maybe not for long. I heard there is trouble in paradise.”

“Really?” She said a little too enthusiastically. “No, stop! It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I have more important things to focus on now.”

“If you say so… Anyway, I have to go back to work. See you later mate and enjoy your holidays!”

“No, wait! I need your help with something.”

“What is it?”

“Do you know what is the difference between a residential address and a permanent address?”

* * *

After Winger leave, Tonks was left with a huge pile of paperwork.

Which was fine cause she really loved paperwork.

Or at least she was trying to tell herself that.

The truth was that she always postpones paperwork for later. Some reports had been lying on her desk for over six months. But now she had to finish everything up before she could go on holidays.

As she looked through her old files, she noticed that most of the cases she worked on this year were awfully boring. The only managing Auror, who entrusted her with serious investigations was Kingsley Shacklebolt. The other two, Proudfoot and Compton, gave her only scraps that no one else wanted to take. They always looked at her with superiority.

Tonks was aware that she didn’t have the best reputation among her colleagues. Some called her a freak behind her back for being a Metamorphmagus. Others found her childish and incompetent, judging only by her appearance or clumsiness.

However, that didn't stop her from coming to the office with pink hair, wearing Muggle clothes like crop tops, fishnet stockings or ripped jeans. Because she couldn’t change the main reason why they disliked her anyway: her relatives from her mother’s side.

Aunt Bellatrix and uncle Rodolphus were particularly hated by Aurors for what they did to the Longbottoms. But at least they were locked up in Azkaban. Not like her second cousin once removed. Sirius Black was still on the run.

Putting Black back to Azkaban was her biggest dream. She knew exactly what charms she would use and what words she would say. Sometimes she could already hear him laughing like a psycho when he would realise, that it was Andromeda’s daughter (the half-blood daughter of his removed from the family tree cousin) that put him back behind bars. Yes, Tonks was looking forward to the day, she would finally catch Sirius Black.

Unfortunately, Kingsley always refused to make her assistant Auror in this case. And it made her go through the roof! Every time she asked, he gave her the same boring answer:

“Tonks, you know that I can’t put you on the Black case. You are related to him.”

Sometimes it felt as if Kingsley was deliberately trying _not_ to catch Black. She really doubted that he could be right now in India. _Where did King get such bizarre ideas anyway?_ In her opinion, it was more realistic that Black was still in Britain. Probably somewhere close to Harry Potter. Also, a hippogriff disappearing on the same day he almost got caught? C’mon, they should connect these facts and do something with it!

But Tonks never said anything about it. She shared her concerns only once with her old mentor Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody. The pink-haired could still remember the strange expression on his face. Though, he told her only to keep a low profile, which sounded very much like a threat. So, she did just that.

Tonks had already learned that it was usually better to listen to what Moody said. She studied day and night to get into the Auror Training program. Besides her, only five other students managed to get in. But in the end, it was just her to complete it. And this has not been achieved by anyone else for several years. Although she worked very hard for it, she was fully aware that without Mad-Eye’s help, she would never have succeeded.

In her first year, she nearly failed on Stealth and Tracking course. That’s when Moody decided to help her. Obviously in a _Mad-Eye_ kind of way.

He was pushing here twice as hard, called her _incompetent_ and _hopeless_ more often than any other recruits and set all her shoes on fire. Till Tonks finally got the message and start wearing bovver boots made of dragon letter. They didn’t make her suddenly possess the grace of a ballerina, but she was better-grounded thanks to them.

After passing the Stealth and Tracking exam, she officially became Alastor’s Moody protégée. Tonks was very grateful for all the help Mad-Eye gave her. As for her, they could pursue the bad guys together until the end of the world. But just as her training was coming to an end, Mad-Eye announced that he is retiring:

_“I have chased the most dangerous dark wizards for the last thirty years. But it wasn't half as exhausting as making a reasonably decent Auror out of you. You’re definitely the most lumpish, irritating and mad as a sack of ferrets person I ever met. I’m glad to get rid of you finally.”_

He could say whatever he wanted; she knew anyway that deep inside Moody actually liked. This made it even harder to understand, why he was behaving so strange lately…

During her first month as an official Auror, he demanded from her a special report about what she was doing the whole day. So much for _retired_. But Tonks knew better than to argue with him. Every report came back with comments. Sometimes his comments were even longer than her account. He always managed to find something she could improve. It was really annoying but also kind of sweet.

Before he left to start his new job as a DADA Professor in Hogwarts, he reminded her that she is still obligated to send him her daily reports.

And so, she did. But already as she got her first report back, she felt that something was wrong. Mad-Eye’s comments were different. And with every next report, this impression grew stronger. They were less personal, less annoyed with her, less conspiring, less Moody-like! He still put _constant vigilance_ here and there, but Tonks couldn’t feel the paranoia behind it.

With each next report, the comments became shorter and shorter. Sometimes they were even repeated. After a month they got limited to two sentences or only a sad face doodle. So, one day she just stopped sending them.

First, she thought, that maybe Moody limited the contact so that she could become more independent. She even talked with Kingsley about it.

_“Within the first two years as an actual Auror, I felt like I would still be in the training program. He was examining me before and after every mission. I know sometimes he still holds back from making me recite all wand-safety rules he ever taught me. Maybe he's trying to cut the cord a little earlier this time?”_

She saw Shacklebolt’s point. But she also missed Mad-Eye. Not only as a mentor but as a friend. Tonks decided to send him an owl. His response came quickly but was as faded as his report comments.

Maybe he was busy with teaching? Maybe he never really liked her? Maybe he was ill? O Merlin, what if he was dying? No, impossible. He was definitely not dying. Maybe it was some kind of test? Or perhaps he was under the Imperius Curse?

She went through many scenarios, but eventually always came back to the Imperius Curse. The evidence matched. But she couldn’t find a motive or a suspect. And she couldn’t appear just like that in Hogwarts to check her hypothesis. A conversation with Scrimgeour was also out of the question.

Sometimes when she had nothing better to do in the office, she made a list of potential suspects. Sure, Mad-Eye had many enemies. However, most of them were in Azkaban. Those who somehow managed to avoid it had no reason to expose themselves right now.

Could it have anything to do with his new job? Though, Mad-Eye’s strange behaviour began before Karkaroff arrived in Hogwarts. Of course, Snape wanted the DADA post even back in her time as a student. But Tonks knew him, he wouldn't do anything more than talk poorly about the current Defence professor. And then there was Moody’s predecessor.

Tonks made a quick background check. His name was Remus John Lupin, age thirty-five. Son of Lyall Lupin, a known expert on Non-Human Spiritous Apparition and a Muggle. Professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts in Hogwarts from September 1993, resigned in June 1994. Werewolf.

That was everything Tonks could find about him in the Auror Office archives. Which was a rather good sign. She could probably find more information in the Werewolf Capture Unit, but she did not consider it as necessary.

However, she remembered reading about him once in the _Daily Prophet._ There was a long article right after his resignation. Somehow, she was able to find it. A photo of him was attached to the article. It had to be taken while he was leaving the school grounds and Tonks saw that he tried to cover himself from the camera. He looked older than thirty-five but not like someone, who would use the Imperius Curse on the toughest Auror in England. Actually, the wizard looked rather like a bookworm. He probably only got bitten recently before he started teaching.

Not that she was prejudice against werewolves. During her time in Hogwarts, it was actually more the opposite. She truly believed that all werewolves in their human form were utterly normal people. This view changed slightly during her Auror training. She learned to be more cautious regarding werewolves, especially after the Hughes case.

Nancy Hughes was a young witch in her late twenties, killed through the Killing Curse by her fiancé. It was Tonks first case with an Unforgivable Curs and at the same time a very easy one. The suspected wizard admitted everything. But for the Auror in training, it was still a meaningful investigation.

The fiancé was given clemency, as the Wizengamot considered his misdeed as an act of mercy. Nancy Hughes was bitten by a werewolf. Of course, it was possible to save her. However, according to the fiancé, she was begging to let her die. He couldn’t watch her bleed out, so he used the Killing Curse. Surprisingly, there was less paperwork when the victim was a werewolf, then when it was a healthy person.

During the investigation, they caught the werewolf who attacked Nancy. His name was Jack, and he showed no signs of regret for biting her. It even turned out that he and Nancy were a couple some time ago. But when he told her about his condition, she broke up with him and then told everyone about it, including his employer and landlord. In this way, Jack lost his girlfriend, friends, job and a roof over his head in just one day.

After that, Tonks worked on two other werewolf cases. One was about an older witch with lycanthropy, which seriously injured her employer. Her explanation was that she couldn’t stand another dismissal due to her illness and just lost her temper.

And then, there was the Oxley case.

Arlo Oxley was a bitten and raised by Fenrir Greyback. He was one year younger than Tonks, but he reflected everything people feared in werewolves. His appearance was more wolfish then human. Arlo was aggressive and terrifying. Tonks would probably never forget his face and the fact that it could be friendly if the boy would smile instead of growl. Arlo was caught for stealing some food. He was sentenced to five years in Azkaban for this act. Any ordinary wizard would most likely get probation or some hours of community service for this kind of violation.

In this way, Tonks learned that even in human form werewolves were not entirely normal people.

They were broken people.

Mainly because of how they were treated by society. Nevertheless, a broken person was always kind of dangerous. Tonks didn’t saw as much danger in werewolves’ fangs and claws, as in their mental state. She was far from jugging them all as mentally unstable, but as an Auror, she had to keep this possibility in mind. _Constant vigilance_ , as Mad-Eye would say.

However, as for this Lupin guy, she didn't see much of a threat in him. Her intuition told her that he had nothing to do with Mad-Eye’s weird behaviour. Because what benefit could he have of it? They wouldn't let him teach again anyway.

Maybe Mad-Eye wasn’t just joking when he said that he was happy to get rid of her?

* * *

Seven hours of extremally boring paperwork later, Tonks was almost finished. She just needed a few more signatures from Kingsley, and then she could officially start her holidays. A whole week without any report! Merlin, it was worth it, even if she had to go to a wedding dresses salon with Tulip and her mum.

“Wotcher Auror Shacklebolt! Can I get your autograph on these documents, please?”

“Auror Tonks, sure you can. Sit down, it will take a moment.”

Tonks liked sitting in Kingsley’s cubicle. It was located at the end of the room, so he had extra space to decorate. On the wall next to him was a large magical map. By swiping a finger, it was possible to look at different parts of the word. There were also some photos of Sirius Black and many sticky notes.

The other wall of his cubicle was decorated with more personal belongings. Postcards, photos and one sketch that Tonks really liked. King told her once, that it was a gift from an old friend of his.

It showed three male figures each in a different colour: orange, purple, and brown. As in any magical drawing, the figures were moving. By the silhouette alone it was impossible to tell, who was on the sketch. But the way the artist captures the purple figure's movements made it clear that it was Kingsley. Unfortunately, Tonks did not recognize the others, but they looked like they were on their way to a duel. And the background reminded her a lot of Hogwarts school grounds.

“Here you go, Tonks.” He said as he handed her the papers. “But before you go, there is something else I wanted to tell you. Fudge will be a judge during the Triwizard Tournament tomorrow, and I will escort him. I thought that maybe you'd like me to pass something on to Mad-Eye? I know you are worried about him.”

“Yeah, please tell him that the school year is almost over and I know his address. So eventually, he will have to face me.”

Kingsley realised a soft smile and made a move with his head, meaning that she was free to go. But something was holding her back. She felt that she had to finally do something.

“Actually Kingsley, there is something I would like to ask you.”

“What is it, Tonks?”

Why did she feel so unconfident? It was only Kingsley. He was like an older brother. King won't laugh at her. And she really needed to know that Mad-Eye was ok.

“Could you please make sure that Mad-Eye is not under the Imperius Curse?”

“The Imperius Curse?” He asked, surprised. “But Tonks, that’s…”

“Ridicules? Impossible? Stupid?” She saw on his face that he wanted to use at least one of these words. “Well, yes, I know it is. But I have this bad feeling. And you know what Mad-Eye always says about trusting your instincts, right? So, my instinct is telling me to check if he is under the Imperius Curse.”

Kingsley studied her face in silent. Probably looking for the first symptoms of the omnipresent paranoia which Moody was famous for.

“I know it sounds like a conspiracy theory and is most probably not true. But I will sleep better if you check this for me.”

“All right. If that is going to calm you down, I will check it.”

“Thank you, King! You are the best!”

“No problem. Now go and have fun during your holidays. Take care, Tonks!”


	2. Short list

Remus, 24.06.1995

_So, here we go again._ This thought followed Lupin throughout the whole evening.

He came back from his work at the Muggle bookshop to find a familiar black dog waiting outside his cottage. He let him in, and Sirius changed back into his human form. Since the reunion in the Shrieking Shack, they keep in touch only through owl post. He never visited him in person. Remus knew immediately that something was wrong.

"Voldemort is back."

A shiver ran down Remus's spine. Though he wasn't _really_ surprised. The ex-professor had expected that eventually, this day would come. He just hoped it wouldn't be so soon. Most of all, he hoped that Harry would at least have finished school first.

"Dumbledore sent me to you. He will contact us in a while. I left Buckbeak in your garden. I hope you don't mind if I will take benefit from your hospitality?"

"Not at all, Padfoot. It's good to see you."

"Thanks, Moony." He said with a small smile. "Yeah, good to see you too. Although I reckon that you have lost your good manners. I've been here for at least ten minutes, and you haven't offered me anything to drink yet."

Remus knew perfectly well that Sirius didn't mean tea. Fortunately, the host had something for a rainy day. He went to the kitchen cupboard and pulled out a bottle of cheap firewhiskey and two glasses.

They sat down by the small kitchen table and made a wordless toast. The whisky was awful but served its purpose.

"So, would you like to tell me what exactly happened?"

* * *

A half bottle later Remus was updated with everything that happened during the Triwizard Tournament. About Mad-Eye's kidnapping, Cedric's death, the rebirth of Voldemort, Harry fighting him, then escaping, Fudge's reaction and Dumbledore's orders.

The last part was the most surprising in the story. Fudge usually knew it was better to follow Dumbledore's advice. But of course, his position has always come first.

Besides, Dumbledore did not have the best reputation recently. And Remus was aware that he was largely responsible for this. Most parents were furious that a werewolf was teaching their children. Some blamed the headmaster for allowing it to happen.

"We need to alert the old squad." Padfoot interrupted his thoughts. "I've already contacted Fletcher on my way here. Thought, you could visit Arabella Figg tomorrow. I don't trust myself to be that close to this Muggles Harry is related to. As for the rest, the easiest way would be to invite them here and explain to everyone what happened. Including the little detail about my innocence."

"That sounds reasonable. I will send an owl to Podmore, Vance and Diggle. Does anyone else come to your mind?"

"Elfias Doge perhaps?"

"Isn't he too old?"

"Naa, it can't hurt to ask. What about Dearborn?"

"No, he was presumably murdered by Death Eaters. His body was never found."

"Oh," Sirius said, then took a long sip of his whiskey. "Maybe Aberford?"

"Right. I'll invite him too. As for McGonagall and Hagrid, I assume Dumbledore will tell them everything himself.

For a moment, they wondered who else they could contact. But no one else came to their mind.

Remus took some parchment and started writing six letters. He didn't go into details. In five letters he asked the recipient for a meeting at eight o'clock. And in one he informed Arabella that he intended to visit her the next day. Lupin didn't have his own owl, so he had to go to the Owl Office first.

"Short list, isn't it?" Sirius's voice was higher than usual.

"We will find new members."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know."

Of course, Remus knew what Sirius meant. He was thinking about the exact same thing.

There should be much more letters. There should be a letter for Dorcas, the Prewett twins, for Benio Fenwick, Alicia and Frank Longbottom, for Dearborn, Bones. And most of all there should be a letter for Lily and James.

He realised suddenly that he could actually write one more letter. After all, Peter was still alive.

His muscles tensed, and his jaw tightened. Remus drank the rest of his firewhisky in one gulp to ears the memory of this rat from his head. But it didn't help.

It was not fair.

Peter could get a letter. But the people he betrayed couldn't. Lily and James were dead because he sold them to Voldemort. Harry was an orphan. And his godfather was prosecuted for a crime he did not commit. Through his cowardice, Pettigrew destroyed an entire family.

And it wasn't just one.

After the events in the Shrieking Shack, Remus realised something. If Peter sold the Potter's, he was also the one who sold the McKinnon's.

The murder of the McKinnon family was one of the most horrible crimes during the First Wizard War. Eighteen wizards died in just one evening. Including two kids who haven't even got their Hogwarts letter yet. The oldest victim was seventy-two, and the youngest was only one and a half. Two bodies were never found.

It was not only the number of victims that was terrifying.

The McKinnons were known in the British Wizarding World as the best healers. Orpheus McKinnon was the director of St. Mungo's Hospital for three decades, and then his eldest son took over. For four generations, all with one exception have taken this career path. It was no exaggeration to say that England lost its best healers that night.

Most people thought that was why Voldemort decided to kill them. To spread fear. Only a handful of people knew the real reason.

The McKinnons had two dangerous secrets. And at least one of them led to their deaths. First of all, they lied about their blood status. Secondly, they owned a family heirloom that was created by all four founders of Hogwarts. Only they knew what it was exactly and what it was for. However, Voldemort's fondness for such items was known already then.

For the last fourteen years, Lupin wondered who could have revealed the McKinnon's secret. The list of suspects was relatively short. But it included all the Marauders.

He knew he hadn't done it himself. Although at times he feared he might have accidentally slipped out something. Sometimes he was almost sure it was his fault. Not on purpose of course. But those were difficult times, you never knew if someone was eavesdropping on a conversation.

James was out of the question. After all, his grandmother's maiden name was McKinnon. And even their families' manors were on the same street. Besides, for James, loyalty has always been one of the most important values.

As for Sirius - he would never have betrayed the McKinnons. End of story.

Whereas Peter seemed simply incapable of such an act. Aloso, of the four Marauders, he had the least information. And Lupin doubted that Pettigrew even understood the real importance of it. Apparently, he didn't have to.

Revealing the McKinnon's secrets was probably Peter's first achievement as a spy. Plus, he must have realised that this would split up Remus and Sirius even more.

After the incident with Snape, their relations were no longer the same. They explained everything to each other and continued to be friends. However, it was never like before. And the death of the McKinnons had separated them even more. Peter took advantage of it in cold blood.

It was hard to understand how he could have betrayed James and Lily. And then blame it all on Sirius. For Merlin's sake, they were friends!

Didn't this rat feel remorse at all? Because of him, eighteen people lost their lives in just one night. With Marcus McKinnon among them. But apparently, after selling the man that brought all four Marauders together, selling an actual Marauder wasn't that hard anymore.

It made all perfect sense now.

Remus sincerely regretted that he believed in Sirius' guilt. He should have never doubted his brotherly love for James.

"Padfoot."

"Hm?"

"You know, we never had a chance to discuss everything that happened."

"Yeah."

"Maybe..."

"Not today, Moony." He said, avoiding eye contact and playing with his glass. "Please. Not today."

Remus didn't want to pressure him. He himself was a little afraid of this conversation. Someday, they would both be ready for this.

"All right. But eventually, we will have to talk about it. You know that."

Sirius didn't answer. He just poured himself another round of firewhisky. Lupin finally got up, took the six letters he wrote earlier and went for his travelling coat.

"Please try not to destroy this please while I'm gone. There should be some leftovers from yesterday's dinner in the fridge, help yourself. And if you get tired, then you can sleep in my bed. I will take the couch. My room is upstairs on the left. Not really a Black worth place, but probably a tad better than Azkaban."

Remus wasn't sure if Sirius was listening to him. And he probably shouldn't leave him alone. But duties called. He took one last look at his old friend and walked towards the apparition spot.

* * *

After returning from the Owl Office, Lupine found Sirius sleeping on the couch (which for some reason, he rearranged).

Two empty firewhisky bottles stood beside him. Where he got the second, Remus had no idea.

The Order members shouldn't arrive earlier than in two hours. He decided not to wake Sirius up yet. His old friend deserved a moment of rest. Mopsus only knew when he was last able to sleep in a safe place.

In the kitchen, Remus found an empty plate from yesterday's dinner. Licked clean. He washed the plate and put it back in its place. Lupin wished he could have offered Black more. But he started working at the bookstore just this month, and for the previous two, he was unemployed. Most of his kitchen cabinets were empty.

Remus decided to clean his cottage before the guests arrived. He rarely had visitors. Nevertheless, he always tried to keep his home tidy, so there wasn't much to be done. With a few cleaning spells, he got rid of the tiny dust layer without waking Sirius.

He walked over to the couch to pick up the empty bottles. While there, he wondered why Padfoot had moved his couch. He turned to see what it was facing now.

His fingers tightened on the armrest. And he had a heavy feeling in his stomach.

The painting.

Her painting.

Remus almost forgot that it was there. Usually, he tried to avoid looking at it. The painting was hanging on a wall between two windows, the curtains covered it a little. Sometimes Remus even wondered if it wouldn't be better to take it off completely.

His reluctance had nothing to do with the painting itself. It was really stunning. Remarkable in its simplicity.

The painting depicted a couple walking down a street. And as it was a magical painting, the figures were really moving forwards. At one point, they stopped to kiss each other. Then the couple continued walking arm in arm.

The artist used watercolours. The male shape was captured in chocolate brown and the woman figure in strawberry pink. The colours interpenetrated superbly. Which made it nearly impossible to see any details. However, it could be seen that the male silhouette was holding a wand that formed a magic umbrella over both figures.

Remus was ignoring the image for two reasons.

Firstly, the pink figure reminded him of Dolores Umbridge. No other woman which he knew cherished pink so much. And he genuinely despised this woman. She made his life even more difficult than it was before. Because of Umbridge anti-werewolf legislation, it was almost impossible for him to get a job.

Secondly, because it reminded him of the artist. The unique feelings it gave, the brush strokes and the colour selection, made it undoubtedly a painting from no other than Marlene McKinnon.

If the painting was evoking in him painful memories, then he didn't want to know what it was doing to Sirius.

Ones again, the old werewolf felt a rush of melancholy. He saw down at his still sleeping friend. Sirius looked better, then during their last meeting, but only a tiny little bit.

He was still wearing the grey prison robs from Azkaban. They were surprisingly clean but ragged and smelled slightly musty. Padfoot was also noticeably thinner. Even on the face, which was half obscured by a beard. Remus didn't remember Sirius ever having a beard in his youth. Or so matted hair. He always paid great attention to his hair and hands. Now he had dirt under his fingernails.

_What happened with the handsome young man, which made all witches on Diagon Alley turn their heads to get a better look?_

But to be honest, Remus hasn't seen that _handsome young man_ in a very long time. Azkaban changed him, of course. And a living on the run didn't improve it. But even before Azkaban, something about him was different.

He remembered the last time he saw Sirius before his arrest. It was the day of the McKinnon's funeral. Remus and the others came to his apartment to convince him to go together to the cemetery. They expected to find Sirius completely wrecked, on the verge of a nervous breakdown or still in a deep shock. They were prepared for the worst.

Ever since the Dark Mark was seen above the McKinnon Manor, Sirius refused to believe that Marlene McKinnon was dead.

" _There is no body."_ Was his argument.

It was true. The bodies of Marlene and her cousin Rosalie were never found. However, nobody else questioned that they were dead. The way in which the Death Eaters treated the remanding bodies left no doubt.

Nonetheless, Sirius was refusing to accept it. People tried to talk to him, but these conversations usually ended up badly. He even attacked Mad-Eye, which left him with a black eye.

But one day perhaps Sirius might regret not coming to the funeral. That's why Remus, James, Lily and Peter came to convince him to go. After all, that's what friends were for.

_Lily knocked loudly on the door, but nothing happened. James was looking around nervously. They shouldn't be here actually. After all, they were chased by Voldemort. For over a year now they've been hiding. Nevertheless, they came._

_Sirius opened the door only after another knock. His gaze fell on Remus. For some reason, he didn't seem happy to see him. He even scowled at him. Only James' greeting made him look away._

_"Hello, Padfoot!"_

_"Hi, guys." He looked genuinely astounded to see them. "What are you doing here?"_

_He was sober. Which was a nice surprise. Though he smelled like an old distillery._

_Black even made an effort to keep his voice pleasant. But still, everyone could see that something was wrong with him. He had a stubble, under-eye pouches and a red nose with dry skin._

_"We came to take you to the funeral with us."_

_"This is today?"_

_"Maybe you could invite us in first?" Lily asked. "I would rather not be attacked by Death Eaters during this conversation."_

_Sirius didn't seem pleased, but he finally let them in. They went to the living room. Lily, James and Peter sat on the couch. Remus chose an armchair, and Sirius apparently preferred to stand. He was trying very hard not to look at the faces of his friends._

_In the middle of the room stood a coffee table. Empty bottles of various liquors were piled upon it. Mostly after firewhisky. But also some Muggle alcohols._

_However, an open trunk standing by the fireplace attracted more attention._

_"Are you going somewhere?" Peter asked anxiously. Even he quickly connected the dots._

_"Yes. I got a mission from Dumbledore. I'm supposed to spy on someone for a while. In Bulgaria. But I will try to come back for Harry's birthday."_

_The group of friends looked at each other. Everyone knew what Sirius was up to. They just didn't know how to talk him out of it yet. And most of all, who was supposed to do it._

_"When exactly do you have to leave?" James asked boldly after a long moment of silence._

_"As soon as I finish packing."_

_"Oh, too bad. Well, then we should probably..."_

_"Sit down Wormtail." James stopped him with his hand. Eyes still focused on Sirius. "In other words, there is no exact time. So, you might as well come to the funeral with us first."_

_"I'm afraid I can't. Sorry guys, this mission is really important. I shouldn't delay it. And, anyway, I didn't know the dead too well. There is no reason for me to go there."_

_"What?!"_

_James lost his patience. He got up and in the blink of an eye covered the distance between him and Sirius. Now he was standing in front of him, forcing Black to look at him._

_"How can you say that? How can you say that you weren't close to the McKinnons?! What about Marlene? Hm?"_

_"What about her, Prongs?"_

_Sirius was losing his temper too. He straightened up and looked down at James like a true aristocrat. And his voice was no longer so emotionless than before._

_"Do you really want to tell us that she wasn't close to you?"_

_"It doesn't matter."_

_"Oh, could you please stop? How can you not want to go to her funeral? You lived with her under one roof."_

_"That's because Dumbledore asked me to."_

_"Did he also asked you to sleep with her?"_

_Sirius looked like he had just been petrified. Remus had never seen the two of them so angry with each other. Potter took a step closer. Now they were less than a foot apart. Both looked scowlingly at each other._

_"James, that's enough."_

_"No, Lily. He needs to hear this."_

_Remus knew what was about to happen. But he didn't have the strength to stop it._

_"Marlene is dead. You must finally accept this. And for Merlin's sake, you must come to her funeral! How can you not want to say goodbye to her? Unless, of course, you prefer to keep telling yourself that she meant nothing to you. That she was just another miss that Sirius Black got laid."_

_Sirius went at him. He pressed James against a wall and lifted a bit over the ground. He raised his fist, ready to punch._

_But he withdrew at the last moment._

_"There is NO body."_

_Sirius let go of him and took a few steps back._

_"This whole goodbye thing is too hasty. Marlene is probably just hiding somewhere. In a month or two, she will come out and make us hell on earth for believing, that she couldn't handle some middle-class Death Eater like Travers. You will see Prongs!"_

_"Fine. Then what about Rosalie?" James wasn't letting go. "Her body was also not found. You don't believe in her death either? Or maybe you weren't close enough? I mean, she only put you back together after a Deat Eater broked your hip bone."_

_"I think Moony could tell us more about being close to Rosalie. By the way, Remus, why are you so quiet? Wouldn't you like to tell us something? Hm?"_

_Remus just realised he hadn't actually spoken yet. He didn't have the strength for it. The whole situation was too painful for him._

_He wasn't going to pretend like Sirius that the McKinnons weren't important to him. He owed this family a lot. Beginning with Orpheus McKinnon who mentored Poppy Pomfrey._

_And Marlene? They always had a special bond. Certain subjects, he could discuss only with her. Because she understood._

_Remus couldn't ignore her death. He felt sorry for Sirius. But his childish behaviour was slowly starting to irritate him._

_"Believe me, Sirius." Said Remus getting up from the armchair and heading towards him. "You don't want to know what I think. Just agree to come with us."_

_"You will definitely not tell me what to do!"_

_"Leave him Padfoot."_

_"Yeah, let us all calm down."_

_"Shut up Wormtail! Maybe Moony could tell us how Voldemort found out about the McKinnons?"_

_"What?!"_

_"Pads, what are insinuating?"_

_"There is a spy among us. You know it too, Prongs!"_

_"And you think I'm the spy?"_

_"Moony would never do that!"_

_"Then who else? He is a..."_

_"DEPULSO!"_

_Suddenly Remus was strongly pushed back. He reached for his wand. But then, he noticed that it was Lily who had cast the charm._

_"Shame on you! " She scolded them. "All four of you! You're supposed to be friends. And friends don't behave like this"_

_She was right. Remus regretted that he had lost his patience. It was a difficult day for all of them._

_Lily walked over to Sirius and hitting him with her index finger on his chest, she began to say:_

_"Sirius Black. You will come with us to this funeral, and you will say goodbye to the McKinnons. Do you understand?"_

_"I don't want to, Lily."_

_"You're coming with us. End of discussion. If you refuse to believe that Marlene is death, that's fine. But there is one more person, you should say goodbye to. One where there is no doubt, is dead. One that was important to you." She turned and looked at the others. "To all Marauders. You will go there for Marcus McKinnon."_

_Marcus was the prefect, who decided to put Sirius, Remus, Peter and James in on dormitory. And this was how their friendship began._

_Sirius couldn't find a single good reason not to say goodbye to Marcus. And in this way, all five went there together._

_The ceremony was short. They stayed together all the time. Every now and then, grabbing hands._

_Only Lily was crying. The Marauders tried to keep a poker face. At least until they started burying the coffins._

_Eighteen coffins, two of which were empty._

_When it was over, Peter left first. He was all green in the face as if he was about to throw up. Then Remus took a bit aside. He cast the Muffliato Charm around himself and screamed out all his pain._

_When he returned, Lily was sitting around the tombstone with James and Sirius standing behind her. When James noticed Remus, he threw himself into his arms. Prongs probably thought he to be tough before Sirius. But he finally broke._

_After a while, they joined Sirius. He hardly noticed it. He was standing still. Numb._

_They stood like this for a long time. Everyone else had already left the cemetery. The silence was disturbed only by the occasional sobbing. At the least expected moment, Sirius turned around and began to walk away. Over his shoulder, he growled out:_

_"There is no body."_

Remus couldn't know that the McKinnon's funeral was one of many he had to attend that year. Most of them alone. But he had known, that this was the first lost during the war, that really hit him. And it was the same with Sirius.

He wondered if Sirius still refuse to believe that Marlene had died. Once in one letter, he asked Lupin if during the last twelve years she had ever contacted him. She didn't.

Before he went back to cleaning, Lupin took one last look at the brown-pink painting and his friend sleeping on the couch.

_Well, there is at least one good thing in never falling in love._ He thought to himself. _I will never have to worry about losing the love of my life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> Thank you for all the Kudos and comments. I promise that I will answer them soon. 
> 
> Right now, I'm having a pretty rough time. I am still in mourning for my mum. But I am also outraged with what is happening in my country(Poland) right now. I actively participate in protests. Which helps because I can shout out my anger. But only a little. And this pandemic ...
> 
> After all, writing this fanfic helps me the most. At least for a moment, I can break away from reality.
> 
> I have written nine chapters so far, and there will certainly be more of them. I hope you will like this story as much as I do.
> 
> And as you probably noticed, I am not a native. So if you have any comments or suggestions, I am open to constructive criticism. 
> 
> I wish you all the best, and stay healthy!
> 
> P.S. Happy birthday to Sirius Black!!
> 
> P.S.#2 These characters and Harry Potter belongs to J.K.Rowling.


	3. Rest of the family

Sirius, 25.06.1995

He was awakened by a well-known sound of snoring. It reminded him of the time when he was sharing one dormitory with Remus. For a moment Sirius felt as if he was at Hogwarts again. 

Living with Remus was nice. Very nice actually. Moony's company, as always, had something reassuring about it. His witty humour was irreplaceable, and his kindness was unfailing.

Noble prat. He barely eked out, but nevertheless, he helped a friend who certainly did not deserve it.

Remus lent him his shaver so Sirius could get himself cleaned up. He finally got rid of the beard! And he could take a shower. Merlin, what a pleasant feeling it was to feel the warm water flowing down the body. He felt as if with the dirt he was washing away the hardships of the last years.

Moony also lent him some clothes. These Azkaban rags were only good for garbage. Remus' clothes weren't the latest either. But they were clean, warm and soft.

Usually, when Sirius had a hole in his robes, he just bought new ones. But with Moony's clothes, it was different. He knew Remus could not afford to buy new robes.

Even right after Hogwarts, Remus had trouble finding work. That's why when Sirius learned that his friend was supposed to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, he was very happy for him.

But Snivellus, as always, must have ruined it all.

Now every wizard in England knew that Remus was a werewolf and with this idiotic anti-werewolf legislation he had no chance to find a job in the wizarding world.

Although deep down Sirius knew that he was also to blame. He felt guilty that Moony's secret come out. And his remorse deepened as he recalled that he had once thought Remus might have been the spy.

Among other things, this was why he had not visited Moony earlier. Also, as an escaped prisoner, he didn't want to endanger him. But most of all, Black wasn't ready to talk to Lupine about everything that had happened between them thirteen years ago.

Though now that he was here, he wished he had come sooner. At first, Sirius felt a little uncomfortable about taking Remus's help. Usually, Lupin was the one who needed it. Now the boot was on the other foot. But at least Sirius had a real roof over his head.

Lupin's cottage was modest. The kitchen was cosy with the teapot permanently on the stove. In the living room were several shelves filled to the brim with books, some wooden furniture, a small sofa and a fireplace. The bedroom and bathroom were upstairs. Everything was tidy and clean.

Nobody would have ever guessed that a werewolf lived here. It was exactly what Sirius have imagined it to be. Except for Marlene's painting hanging on a wall.

After twelve years spent in Azkaban with Dementors sucking out every happy memory, Sirius forgot that she has ever painted it.

How could he forget this?

She gave away drawings and paintings to almost everyone she knew. It was obvious that Moony would also have one in his cottage. Additionally, this particular work of art was the very first painting Sirius witness her to create.

And when he looked at it, he felt like it all happened just yesterday.

_It was early morning, two days after James and Lily's wedding, but Sirius had only just come back home now. He was celebrating his best friends' marriage as if it was the happiest, and at the same time, the worst day in his life._

_Which was why after the official wedding party ended, Sirius persuaded Remus and Peter to move the afterparty to the nearby pub. His comrades left home in early hours of the following day. But Sirius stayed for a pub crawl. Eventually, he met a young witch, that didn't mind his current state and spend the night with her. He slipped out before she got up._

_Sirius fell on his front steps making a terrible noise. He crawled inside the apartment and accidentally slammed the door. A moment later, he heard someone coming down the stairs from the attic._

_It was only a month since she moved into his place. When Dumbledore asked Sirius, if he could rent a room to a new Order Member (which also happened to be a dark creature and therefore needed a safe place to stay), he expected a Moony version 2.0._

_Instead, Dumbledore brought Marlene McKinnon._

_The same young witch who was standing in front of him now. She was wearing this ridiculously long, white nightdress with a just as ridiculously long, colourful artist apron on it. Her blonde curls fell out of a messy knot. As usual, she was barefoot. Not like usual, she was pointing her wand at his heart._

_"What was the first question Sirius Black ever asked me?"_

_Every other time Sirius would find this view hilarious. Everyone knew that Marlene couldn't even hurt a fly. She was smart but too delicate. Sirius doubted if she could attack anyone even in self-defence. He couldn't understand why Dumbledore has allowed her to join the Order. Especially since she should still be at Hogwarts for one year._

_But at that point, all he felt was a terrible headache and growing irritation._

_"Merlin! Not now McKinnon. It's me."_

_"Answer the question!" she said with more courage, and her hand tightened on her wand._

_"Fine. I asked, 'Do you want some garlic bread?' Happy? Now, could you please leave me alone?"_

_Marlene lowered her wand and looked at him with a mix of relief and disgust. Then she turned around and went up the stairs to the attic. As she was leaving, she gave him one more comment._

_"Sending a Patronus with a message that your still alive would literally kill you, right?"_

_Clearly, she was right. He should have let her know that he will not come home for the night. There was war, they fought in the resistance, and due to unfortunate events, they were now sharing an apartment._

_But it was his apartment. He had no obligation to explain himself to her. He just lost his best friend to the institution of marriage, and he had a terrible hangover._

_"Bugger me, McKinnon! You are not my mother. I can do what I want, and I don't have to tell you anything." He burst out and followed her to the attic._

_She gave him a cold stare and closed the door in front of his nose. Before Black thought twice, he opened the door and walked into the room. The room he was renting to her. Her room._

_"Son of a Bludger! It is my house! Do you understand that, McKinnon? MY HOUSE! You will not slam the door in my face!"_

_As soon as the words left his mouth, he realised what he had just done. Two memories hit him like a Cruciatus._

_The first of his mother, shouting at him almost the exact same lines._

_The second of an eleven-year-old girl running out the Great Hall. Her eyes full of horror just because Sirius offered her some garlic bread._

_Now she was looking at him with the same shock. But she did not move even one inch. Instead, her wand was ready for confrontation._

_She was afraid. He could see it in her eyes._

_She thought Sirius would attack her._

_Oh, Merlin..._

_"Marlene, I… I'm so sorry," as if in slow motion, he fell to his knees, "I didn't mean to… I would never… I…"_

_He had no idea what to say or what to do. He stared at the floor as if he could find some answer there._

_How could he have scarred, nearly attacked Marlene McKinnon? He knew perfectly well that she was the most fragile, timid and good-hearted person in the world. Was he slowly becoming the same as his parents?_

_He noticed her trunk in the corner of the room. It was hardly unpacked._

_"Marlene?" she spoke up. "What happened with McKinnon? I didn't think you actually knew my first name. At least, I've never heard you use it before."_

_Marlene moved closer to him, and Sirius was convinced, that she will slap him. She should slap him. Or hex his balls off. He even closed his eyes, awaiting it. But then her footsteps fell silent, and nothing happened._

_He opened his eyes again and looked up. Marlene was standing above him with an open packet of cigarettes. Hesitantly, he pulled one out, and she did the same. Then she made a head move as if asking him for a lighter. Sirius got up and lit both cigarettes._

_He swallowed hard._

_Marlene drew on her cigarette and turned towards the easel. She transmuted her wand into a long, thin paintbrush and took her painting palette. Then she started painting again as if nothing had happened._

_"If you would like me to move out, I will understand. It's all right. Really. I appreciate your hospitality, but I know that it's not safe to live under one roof with something like me."_

_"What?!"_

_He was about to burst out laughing. Such a ridiculous thought would never have occurred to him._

_But the tone of her voice and addressing herself as "something" instead of "someone"..._

_He had heard the same fear and insecurity so many times before in Remus' voice. He knew he had to take her seriously._

_"No, this is absurd. I don't care as what the Ministry classifies you. I spend seven years in one dormitory with a werewolf. And I assure you…"_

_"I'm not a werewolf, Black." She cut in on his word and continued to paint. "We are a completely different species. And right now, the Death Eater's care more about my kind then werewolves."_

_"I know, McKinnon. I'm aware. But I really don't care for shit like this. You can stay here as long as you like."_

_This statement surprised him a little. Although as soon as he said it, he knew it was true. Naturally, her "dark humanoid being" status was never a problem for him. Just till now, he wasn't entirely sure if sharing a flat with Marlene was a good idea._

_Over a year ago, he had promised James that he would stay away from her. But the sudden sharing of one flat made it almost impossible. Nevertheless, he tried to keep his promise._

_Since Marlene moved in, they had hardly even spoken to each other. Sirius was trying very hard to avoid her. If they talked at all, it was just about business or organisational matters._

_And he called her only by her surname. Sometimes with anger, almost always with irritation._

_No wonder she felt unwelcome here._

_Not to mention that she had been afraid of him since they first met. Yes, Marlene was afraid of him, and Sirius was aware of it. He wouldn't be surprised if her Boggart would look like him._

_And he couldn't blame her for it._

_It was actually really surprising that she was willing to live with him. Every other person in her place would probably have left long ago. Or wouldn't have moved in at all._

_Especially since she hasn't done anything wrong. In fact, Marlene was always kind to him. Moreover, she helped him. Probably even saved his life once. And they weren't even friends. Not even close to it. Sirius could never understand it._

_It had to be the reason why Marlene thought his dislike for her was due to some stupid prejudices. As it befits a real Black..._

_"I'm sorry for my behaviour. You must be thinking that I'm just like the rest of my family."_

_"To be honest," she turned slowly to meet his eyes, "I'm still trying to form an opinion about you, Black."_

_His fingers turned icy, and he felt his jaw drop a little. Was her lack of an opinion about him something good or bad?_

_They looked at each other with curiosity. Suddenly, Marlene broke the eye contact to throw away her cigarette butt. Returning to the easel, she said,_ _"If you really have nothing against me staying here… Then I think we should try to become friends."_

_Breathing became suddenly more difficult for Sirius._

_Friends._

_Well, that sounded quite sensible. However, the word gave him some unpleasant feeling. But then again, he couldn't refuse, could he?_

_"I'd really like that."_

_"I'm glad to hear this."_

_She sent him a bright smile and returned to the painting. Sirius didn't quite know what to do with himself now. He finished his cigarette some time ago and should probably leave her room. But he couldn't bring himself to move. So, he stayed there watching her paint._

_He lost track of how long he stood there. Marlene's painting took more and more shapes. It showed two figures walking in the rain and consisted of only two colours: brown and pink._

_Sirius suddenly remembered something that happened at James and Lily's wedding._

_"You know, you never showed us your colour."_

_Marlene jumped slightly as if suddenly reminded about his presence. She turned around and at the same time her wand transmuted back into its original shape. Then she smiled and cast a non-verbal spell._

_Just after that, a small light ball appeared above her head. It had the same intensive red tone as her lips. The deepest red Sirius has ever seen._

_Another wand move and the ball despaired. Sirius could feel his anger building up again as he realised something._

_"Pink is a happy shade of red. So I guess…"_

_"No." She cut him off quickly. "It doesn't work that way. Just one tone lighter or darker is a completely different person. They never change. They never mix. They can only create harmony with each other."_

_"So, who is the pink one?"_

_"I don't know." She turned her head gently to one side, examining the canvas._

_"Then how do you know that she will be pink?"_

_"I have seen this scene in a vision."_

_"In a vision? So what, you a Seer now, McKinnon?"_

_She stopped painting and looked at him with one eyebrow raised. Sirius got embarrassed. He didn't mean to be so harsh. And yet he managed to do it again._

_"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I just always thought divination was a hoax."_

_"Oh, divination? Yeah, it definitely is a hoax."_

_And he heard her laughing. A sincere, quiet and warm laugh. And Sirius thought that perhaps this whole being friends thing was not so bad._

_"Do you think that this vision will come true someday?"_

_"To be honest, I don't know. I have these visions since I was a child, and only a few of them came true so far. Though not exactly the way I was expecting. And some I would really prefer never to come true. But I wouldn't mind if this one would. I actually hope it will."_

_He didn't know what to say to that. This whole situation, Marlene standing there only in a nightdress and an artist apron. Just a few steps away from him. Her perfect red lips smiling and telling him that she maybe could see the future. It was too overwhelming. He had to get out of here._

_"Sirius, I was really worried about you last night." He heard her voice as he already stood in the doorway. "Next time, just please send me a Patronus that you are all right."_

_The young wizard still couldn't decide if he should be angry or grateful that Dumbledore made that girl his flatmate. He noticed long before, that when it came to Marlene McKinnon, he wasn't sure of anything._

* * *

"How is Harry?" Black asked as soon as Dumbledore appeared in Moony's cottage.

"Slowly recovering from yesterday's events," said the Headmaster. "This evening he will return to the Gryffindor Tower. I have spoken to the school at breakfast and requested not to ask him any questions. That probably won't stop the rumours, but at least he will be with friends."

It was the first unofficial Order meeting after Voldemort's comeback. There were only six of them: Sirius, Remus, Moody, Kingsley, Dumbledore and regrettably Snape.

"With Jones, the two oldest Weasley children and the Westenberg family that will make twenty members and fifteen allies."

"For a start, that doesn't sound bad. I guess we shall now think about a new headquarter."

"Yes, this wolf cave is indeed unlikely to accommodate everyone."

"Watch your mouth, Snivellus!"

As for Sirius, the Order could do without Snap. Unfortunately, Dumbledore insisted and even forced Black to call a truce with him. But that didn't change the fact that he wanted to curse him for insulting his friend.

However, Lupin's cottage was indeed too small to be used as a headquarter. Sirius had already thought about this problem last night and even found a possible solution. He just didn't like it very much. Quietly he hoped someone else would come up with a better offer.

Unfortunately, there were not many possibilities. And every proposal that has been made so far has many reservations.

"How about my house?" Sirius finally offered.

"No offence, but your old apartment is under constant supervision. I don't think I could convince Scrimgeour to change that."

"No, Kingsley, I meant my family home. My father already put every security measure known to wizardkind on it. And after my mother died, the house passed on to me."

"Well, that sounds like a reasonable proposition," said Dumbledore. "Nonetheless, I would secure it additionally with the Fidelius Charm."

"Fine, but this time you will be the Secret-Keeper."

"Are you sure about this, Padfoot? You always hated this place."

"It doesn't look like we have any other choice. I will be fine. But please remember that no one has been inside this house for years. It will require a cleanup before anyone can enter."

And in this way, 12 Grimmauld Place became the new headquarter of the Order of the Pheonix. Remus was right, Sirius never stopped hating this place. And he was everything else than fine about going back there. But if in that way he could help the Order, and thus help Harry, he will somehow manage it.

After fine-tuning of some details related to the new headquarter, they moved to the next topics.

They have established what tasks they need to focus on first. Harry's safety was paramount. He will be under Dumbledore's care until the end of the school year. Sirius wanted him to be brought back to his home right after that, but even Remus did not support this idea. Instead, they agreed that a special guard would be appointed to keep Harry safe in his aunt and uncle's house.

The following topic was to determine what Voldemort's next actions would be. According to Snap's information, he had no intention of revealing himself. Especially since the Ministry disbelieved in his return. But it was easy to guess that he would try to steal the prophecy again.

"We should immediately set up a guard in the Department of Mystery," said Kingsley. "I would volunteer, but my wife and I have an invitation to dinner at Scrimgeour's."

"I can do it!" shouted Remus and Sirius simultaneously.

"Sirius you are considered as a criminal on the run. You can't just like that walk into the Department of Mysteries."

"I know that. But I could go as Snuffles. No one would ever know."

"No, that is too risky. I'm sorry, but I cannot agree to it. That's my last word," said Dumbledore with his Headmaster's voice. "Remus, I'm really glad about your offer. Anyway, as the Death Eaters feel untouchables right now, there is a greater chance they will attack today. Someone should go with you."

"I will go." Declared Mad-Eye, who has hardly spoken until now. "It should be someone working in the Ministry anyway. And an Auror has more possibilities to enter unnoticed."

"Alastor, please be reasonable. Poppy barely agreed for you to come here for a few hours of casual conversation. You know I value you immensely. But after what you've been through this year, I don't think you're ready to go on a mission right now."

"Dumbledore is right, Moody," agreed Remus. "You should really get some rest. Maybe Arthur can join me. Or I will go alone. And if something happens, I will first call for support before I will do anything."

"There is one more possibility." Said Kingsley carefully. "I know one young Auror, who might agree to join us. And I also know that she has a day off tomorrow. I guess, Moody, you know who I'm talking about?"

"Yes. And I won't say that I didn't think about it myself. But I have some concerns."

"Concerns? It was she who kept saying the whole year, that there was something wrong with you. She even suspected the use of the Imperius Curse."

"Alastor," Dumbledore interjected, "another Auror will be a solid addition for the Order. And if we are talking about a certain Metamorphmagus, then I see no reason to worry. Furthermore, she already had some experiences with secret organisations during her time at Hogwarts."

"What? No, not her! You can't be serious Headmaster. This girl is nothing but an arrogant, goofy, immature, demanding of atten…"

"You better watch your tongue, Snape!" Mad-Eye warned him. "She is my protégé. You insult her, you insult me. Is that clear?"

Sirius exchanged a glance with Remus. It seemed that only the two of them didn't know who the rest is talking about. But from what Sirius had heard, he already liked her.

An Auror trained by Mad-Eye. Badass.

A Metamorphmagi. Cool.

Experienced with secret organisations. Intriguing.

And most importantly, Snape spoke about her as he used to speak about him and James.

"I have absolutely no concerns about her skills," Moody explained "as I said, I was already thinking about bringing her to the Order. I just hoped that I would have some more time to first loop her into everything. Her, let's say, family connections are concerning."

"Well," spoke Sirius in an expert voice, "I know a lot about shitty relatives. Over a bottle of firewhiskey, I can reveal to her all my secrets of how to deal with it."

Sirius' joke was hilarious as always. But he didn't think anyone would actually start laughing.

Worse, he felt that Dumbledore, Moody and Kingsley were laughing about something else than his joke. Even Snivellus made a more disgusted face than usual. As if they all knew something, he didn't. Only Remus was as confused as he was.

"Funny that's you, who says that, Black."

"Why's that?"

"Does the name Tonks tell you something?"

He did not immediately recognise where he knew the name from. But then it hit him. Ted Tonks was the guy with which his cousin Andromeda elope.

Sirius still remembered Bellatrix's outburst when she found out that she had become an aunt. And that the child's father was Muggle-born.

Years later, he met Ted by accident in St Mungo's. He showed him a picture of his baby girl. Sirius remembered that they had given her some weird name. And that the girl in this photo was certainly a Metamorphmagus.

"No way! Andy's daughter? What was her name again?" Then suddenly, something occurred to him. "But she's like thirteen, maybe fourteen years old?!"

"Her name is Nymphadora. But if you value your life, don't use it. She goes by with the name Tonks. And she's twenty-two. Finished her Auror training last year."

Now Sirius really had to meet this witch. Andromeda was always his favourite cousin. And the fact that Snivellus didn't like her meant she had to be all right. Probably even awesome. It would be nice to have some normal family member for a change.

"Brilliant!" He clapped his hands. "Moony! You will go on a mission with my baby cousin. Isn't that wonderful? When can I meet her?"

Everyone's eyes were on Mad-Eye. There was no doubt that the decision was up to him. His magic eye looked around the whole room, the normal one sucked on Sirius. They stared at each other for a while, then the old Auror shifted his gaze to Dumbledore.

"Fine," he growled, "let's get her down here. I will send her a Patronus with the address, so she can Floo here. I understand that you don't mind, Lupin? And if you have any breakable items near the fireplace, I advise you to hide them."

Mad-Eye went to the window, to send the Patronus and Remus moved to the fireplace. Sirius wanted to jump for joy.

"Do we have any other topics to discuss? If not, I'd go back to the castle. I think I can go without watching this family reunion scene."

"No, Severus. I think that's all for today."

"I better get going too. I don't want to be late for dinner with Scrimgeour. Especially now, it might look suspicious," said Kingsley. "Oh, and Sirius…"

"Yes?"

"I think it would be better if for her arrival you change into a dog. At least at the beginning."

"Why? She is not a fan of mine?"

"Let's just say, there is a pretty picture of you hanging above her desk. With eyes crossed in red. And the inscription, 'I'll get you'."

"O, I already love her!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> Thank you again for all your Kudos! It's nice to know, that someone is reading my fic and actually likes it :)
> 
> This chapter finally contains a really Blackinonnon scene and in the next one, Remus and Tonks will finally meet!
> 
> As I mentioned before, I'm not native English and I just recently discovered the dialogue punctuation rules in the English language. Actually, I'm still in the discovery process... Till now I was using the rules from my language to write dialogues, so I apologize for the mistakes in the previous chapters (I will edit them someday) and if you notice any mistake in this or the next chapters, please let me know.
> 
> Hope you are all well and healthy!
> 
> Love,  
> Nicole
> 
> P.S. These characters and Harry Potter belongs to J.K.Rowling
> 
> P.S. #2 the situation in Poland is still awful. I'm afraid that if our government don't come to its sens, we will be kicked out from the EU (well, to be honest, we deserve to be kicked out.).


	4. First amused

Tonks, 25.06.1995

"Hey Tonks, what would you say about some wine?"

"Oh, Penny, you're a lifesaver! This is exactly what I need right now."

Tulip left them only a few minutes ago, and Penny just came back from walking her to the fireplace. Tonks was still sitting by their kitchen table, drowning in wedding stuff. All around her were catalogues, samples, guest list and so on. The three of them spend the whole weekend creating an action plan for the following months.

But Tonks decided, that's enough for today! After all, it was her holidays. She deserved a lovely evening with a glass of red wine and Penny, the best flatmate in the world!

"Maybe some sour candy?"

"Always! I love them!"

She took the candy and wrestled with the package to get to the delicious content.

_Why do they always have to pack it like that?_

"What would you say if we later watch one of these Muggle horror movies you like so much?"

_Oh, no._

Due to the shock, Tonks did something weird with her hands, and suddenly all the candies flew into the air. Some of them even stuck to her pink hair.

"Ok Penny, who is dying? You don't have to be delicate with me. I can handle it."

"What? No, nobody is dying. Where do you get that from?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because the last time after you gave me wine, sour candy and we watched a horror film together you told me that my owl is dead?"

"Am I so obvious?"

"A little bit."

"Well, I assure you that this time nobody is dead. But…"

Penny paused and looked at the kitchen table. Evidently, something was up.

"But what, Penny?"

"There is something I would like to talk about with you. And I'm afraid you are not going to like that."

With one big sip, Tonks emptied the entire content of her wine glass. Penny refilled the red liquid without asking.

"Ok, I'm listening. Spil it out."

"So, you know that Christopher and I are dating for a quite long time now, right?"

Of course, she did. Although Tonks didn't like him much. Christopher was extremely boring, and for her taste, he liked rules a little too much. But Penny seemed to really like him a lot.

"We talked, and he asked me if I would like to live with him. And… I agreed."

_Oh no._

_Sweet Merlin's beard, no!_

This can't be happening. Tonks and Penny shared a live space for the last eleven years. They have been seven years in one dormitory and right after Hogwarts moved to this flat.

"I will slowly start to move my things to his place. However, I would like to officially live with him from August."

_August?_

_That is only a month from now! How could Penny do this to her?_

Tonks will never find a flatmate like her. And she was not ready to live alone. She may be an adult Auror, but sometimes adulthood was still a challenge for her. Tonks had no problem with casting multiple spells in a limited amount of time. But she had no idea how to change a light bulb! Not to mention her very limited cooking and cleaning abilities.

"Look, Tonks, I know this comes out of the blue to you and believe me it's not easy for me either. You like a sister to me. But I really love Christopher. You understand it, right?"

_How is bagged rice cooked?_ _Do you salt the water before or after it starts to boil?_

Oh, Merlin. She will die. Yeah, Tonks will definitely die without Penny.

"And I actually think that we will both benefit from this, eventually."

This sentence brought her back to earth. Tonks send Penny a face look saying, 'potion-maker with beautiful hair say what?'.

"You know, without me, you will have some more privacy. Maybe you will meet someone interesting. And then you could invite him here, without worrying, that you could run into your flatmate."

Oh please, Penny was definitely not the reason why Tonks was single. She was a Metamorphmagi, which made the whole dating thing easier and at the same time harder for her.

Sure, she had a crush on Williamson, but he was taken. And until that doesn't change, she wasn't going to do anything.

However, Tonks never felt as if she was missing something. After all, she wasn't lonely, right? She could always count on her friends.

Although Mad-Eye was still ignoring her, Charli was in Romania, Tulip was getting married, Talbott started dating some nice bloke, and now Penny was moving to her boyfriend.

"Tonks, please say something."

She just realised that she hadn't said anything for a long time. The news was too overwhelming. She was happy for Penny, but…

Fortunately, right then, a silver cloud in the shape of a grizzly bear appeared in the kitchen.

_"Carrots are good for your eyes."_

That was Mad-Eye's voice! And he used her secret sentence.

During her missions with Moody, they always set a secret sentence. Well, usually, he picked it. And she was obligated to use it in case they get separated and would like to check their identity. Tonks tried several times, to give him her sentence about the carrots, but Mad-Eye always ignored her.

_"Lass, I need you. I will give you an address. Use the Floo Network. Come as soon as you can."_

The silver bear gave some address to a small, seaside town in Yorkshire and then dissolved in the air.

Ugh, Yorkshire... Terrible weather. Cold. A wind that can blow away. Endless fog. How could anyone willingly live there?

"I didn't know that you can use a Patronus to deliver messages," said Penny.

Tonks also didn't know that, but she had no time to think about it. That was definitely Mad-Eye's Patronus, and he needed her!

She knew that he certainly wouldn't approve her outfit (a hoodie with rabbit ears, tracksuit bottoms and her last pair of sneakers, which he didn't manage to set on fire). But he also told her to come as soon as possible. So, in a few uncoordinated moves, she got up and went to her fireplace.

"I have to go Penny. We will talk later," said Tonks while throwing green powder into the flames. She stepped in and said the address. The young witch realised just then that she was still holding her wine glass.

* * *

Remus, 25.06.1995

Remus was nervous.

He didn't like visits from people he didn't know.

Maybe his cottage wasn't valuable in the material aspect, but it was his home. He felt safe here. And in this world were only a few places about which he could say that. Therefore, he preferred that only people he trusted knew his address.

Besides, this stranger was also an Auror. Because of her profession, it was very likely, that she will know right from the beginning what he is. The chances of making a good first impression were, therefore, scant. The article in the Daily Prophet may be over a year old, but even ordinary wizards still pointed fingers at him.

He was consoled a little by the fact that she was Moody's protégée. And presumably a new Order member.

But she was also Sirius's cousin.

Sirius was over the moon that he will meet her. For the first time since he came here, he was even smiling. But Remus did not share his enthusiasm.

However, he didn't have much time to fuss about it. The green flames in the fireplace appeared only moments after he entered the sitting room. Remus immediately noticed a delicate scent of strawberries and red wine.

When the flames died down, the first thing he saw was messy pink hair. Something stuck to them in several places. Thought through the shadows and distance, he couldn't recognise what it was.

The figure standing in the fireplace was thin-boned and noticeably shorter than him. At least a head shorter. And she was holding something in her hand.

_Was that a wine glass?_

_Who flooed over to someone whit a wine glass?_

_She was undoubtedly related to Sirius..._

"You must be Ms Tonks, am I right?"

He moved closer to the fireplace and stretched out a hand to help her get out. The young Auror was looking perplexed at his hand as if she wouldn't know what to do with it. But after she realised what his gesture means, she made a motion to accept the offer.

Just as their hands were about to touch, something weird happened.

It seemed as she had suddenly lost the ability to control her body. Her hand missed his by an inch. One of her food went backwards, and the other forwards. She eventually stumbled over the threshold, lost her balance and was just about to hit the floor.

Usually, Remus would never touch someone he just met, but his instincts took over. He caught her in last second, but the glass she was holding, fall down and crashed to the floor. Her body was numb as if awaiting the fall. He gently lifted her up so she could get back on her feet.

"That was close," he said and was finally able to see her face.

She was young.

Remus shouldn't actually be so surprised. Sirius described her as 'a baby cousin' _,_ and Kingsley mentioned, that she finished her Auror training only last year. But for some reasons he has imagined her as a female version of Moody.

But this witch was undoubtedly not a female version of Moody.

Her complexion was perfect (not even one scar), her nose in one piece and she had two normal eyes. She was far from what Remus had imagined, but also far from a typical Auror image. Mainly by her pink hair, a hoodie with rabbit ears and old sneakers.

In a manner of speaking, it was adorable.

She opened her eyes, which she was squeezing till now. Her gaze fell on his face. Remus knew that it was because of his scars. People usually stared at them longer as they would like to admit. He learned to accept it and just smile nicely.

Suddenly something caught his attention. He gently released her and with one hand took something out of her pink hair. He was finally able to see what it was.

A sour candy!

_How gross,_ he thought _._

Sour candies were one of the few sweets he disliked. Only liquorice was worse.

He handled the candy to her. The young witch goggled at it in bewilderment. Remus couldn't remember to meet someone in more awkward circumstances. But he had to admit that it was enjoyable.

"It's nice to meet you," he said and stretched out his hand, "I'm Remus Lupin."

"I know."

"Oh."

Of course.

He should have known it.

No, actually, he knew it. But somehow Remus still felt surprised when she admitted it. She was an Auror, of course, she would recognise him.

And recognising meant not only connecting his face with a name but also knowing, that he was a werewolf.

He abruptly felt terrible that he had caught her. Maybe she would prefer it if he would just let her fell down? For a young girl like her been touched by a werewolf must have been extremely unpleasant. Well, he couldn't change that anymore. But shaking his hand will certainly be also very uncomfortable for her. He slowly put his hand back, to minimise the discomfiture of the situation.

"Wotcher!" He suddenly felt how her hand grabbed his just when he was about to hide it. "I'm Tonks. Nice to meet you too."

Slightly Remus shacked her hand back but didn't dare to look at her again. He quickly let go of her hand and stepped back a little.

"Oh, I see you've already met. Good."

Remus turned his head and saw Moody entering the room. Almost immediately, his magical eye found the red puddle and broken glass pieces on the floor.

"Merlin's pants, Tonks! What have you broken this time? And Lupin, haven't I told you to hide any breakable items around the fireplace?"

Remus saw how the young Auror started running over to her mentor. Unfortunately, she slipped on the red liquid, then made some strange leaps, only to hit the floor a few meters from Mad-Eye's feet. This time Remus hold back from catching her.

"Do I have to start setting your shoes on fire again, so you stop wearing those muggle gummy slippers?"

She ignored his comment and quickly got on her feet to give Moody a hug. Remus couldn't remember if he ever saw somebody hugging Alastor Moody. He always thought that if someone would just try, Mad-Eye would use his wand to prevent it. But it looked almost as he wouldn't mind being hugged by the pink-haired.

Observing them, something caught his attention. There was a small cut on the girl's hand. Probably from the glass shards. It was not life-threatening, but she was bleeding.

"Mad-Eye! Oh, it's really you! I missed you so much! Waite," suddenly she took a step back and punched Moody on the shoulder, "blimey, Mad-Eye! Why have you been ignoring me the whole year?"

"I was imprisoned and under the Imperius Curse."

At first, her mouth gaped open. Then her facial expression changed to a more joyful one.

"I knew it!"

"Well, doesn't make any difference, as you have done nothing with it. And don't think I haven't noticed that you stop sending me your daily reports. We will talk about it later, now get here inside. There is a lot you have to know, and we don't have much time."

The old Auror lead her inside Remus's kitchen. Lupin used his wand to quickly repair the wine glass, clean up the floor and then he joined them. Dumbledore was still sitting by the small kitchen table, and Sirius was lying next to his chair in his dog form.

"Wotcher Professor!"

"Goody evening Tonks. I'm glad…"

"Oi, you're so sweet!!"

She ignored Dumbledore and started petting Snuffles. The black dog's gaze was priceless.

He tried to move away from her, but she caught him in a big hug and scratched him behind his ear. His dog eyes went from Dumbledore to Remus, to Mad-Eye and again to Remus, searching for help. First, he was like hit by a stunning spell, but the scratching started to melt him down. Remus knew that he was only seconds from drooling. It was tough to keep a straight face when he saw Sirius in such a state.

"What's his name?"

"Snuffles," Moody replied. "Now leave this mongrel alone, he has fleas. And sit down lassie. Lupin, maybe you could take him for a walk?"

"Of course, Moody. Just a second."

He quickly went to one of the kitchen cabinets and took something out. In the same time, the pink-haired reluctantly left Snuffles and took a sit by the table. Wordlessly Remus put the repaired wine glass and a pack of band-aids next to her.

"Come on, Snuffles! I think you need to calm down a little."

"Just don't go too far away. I'll come for you when it's time."

* * *

Tonks, 25.06.1995

Tonks needed a while to figure out why a pack of band-aids was lying next to her. She hasn't even realised that she got hurt. The wound was small, but she was still bleeding a little.

She should have thanked him, but he was already gone. Now she was left in a small kitchen with Mad-Eye and the Headmaster of Hogwarts. Both were very enigmatic, and she impatiently began to wonder what this meeting was all about.

"Miss Tonks," Dumbledore started, "I'm delighted you could join us in such short notice. To begin with, I would like to ask you a question. Do you know anything about the events of the Triwizard Tournament final maybe?"

"Well, I read an article in today's Daily Prophet, that Harry Potter won. Nevertheless," Tonks hesitated for a moment. She wasn't sure if she should share her thoughts on the finale. Then Dumbledore smiled, and his warm gaze encouraged her. "I know that this is not all. The article was way too short and not even on the front page. While the announcement about the final was the number one topic of the previous releases. I wouldn't be surprised if there is more behind it and the Ministry is just trying to hide it."

"You were always very perceptive, Miss Tonks. A true Hufflepuff. Hard-working, patient, tolerant, loyal and with a strong sense of right and wrong. For these reasons, I have no concerns about telling you what had happened during the final."

Dumbledore and Mad-Eye briefly summarised the most important events for her. And suddenly her mentor's weird behaviour made perfect sense.

Everything seemed so unreal. Tonks barely managed to listen to the whole story in silence. In several places, she wanted to interrupt, but at the same time, she had to know what happened next.

"So, Cedric is death?" she asked when the men finished their story.

"Unfortunately, yes."

Tonks gripped the edge of the chair tightly. She wanted to kick something hard. Or throw something on the floor.

Cedric was death.

How could this happen? He was too talented, too kind and far too young to die! Merlin, he was so young. He was five years younger than her.

She knew him. They were together in the Circle. Once he repaired the coffee table, she had accidentally broken in the common room and asked if she needed an escort to the hospital wing.

And now he was dead.

_No._ _He was killed._

_He was killed by Voldemort._

"Then why is there nothing in the Daily Prophet about it? Why is Voldemort's comeback not on the front cover? Why is there not a single word about Cedric?!"

"Because, lass, this pen pusher Fudge doesn't believe that Voldemort is back."

"What?! Bloody hell that doesn't make sense. Why doesn't he..." Tonks' whole body was shaking, so she took a deep breath to calm herself. "Or you know what, it doesn't matter if Fudge believes in it or not. He is the Minister of Magic. He should just in case…"

_No, he won't_ , she realised.

Fudge won't even lift a finger until some tragedy occurs. He loved his position and his comfortable perfectly ordered word just too much. He will refuse to believe that Voldemort had returned as long as possible.

"This stupid bowler! He thinks only about his career! I will hex his balls off and tell him what I think about cowards like him!"

"You do this lass, and you will lose your job."

"So what? I became an Auror to fight against dark wizards, not to sit down and watch, while Voldemort is destroying the wizarding world again. I have to do something, I…"

"I'm glad you see it this way, Miss Tonks. Because I didn't ask Alastor to invite you here just to tell you about what really happened. Of course, I would prefer to arrange this meeting a little different. To give you some time to think it over. But unfortunately, we are under time pressure."

_Here it was, finally!_ Since she saw Moody's Patronus, Tonks was wondering, what her mentor needed her for.

"Nevertheless, before we can move on, I have to ask you a fundamental question."

"Go on, Professor. Ask me whatever you want."

"Miss Tonks," Dumbledore slowly stroked his long beard and looked alarmingly earnest, "do you trust me? And by trust, I mean, do you believe that Voldemort is back? Do you believe that everything possible should be done to stop him? That Harry Potter's safety is essential? Even if you could lose your job, you worked for so hard? Even if you could lose your life?"

Maybe it was reckless, but Tonks had no doubt about the answer.

Yes, the only evidence for Voldemort's return were the words from a fourteen-year-old boy, her paranoid mentor and an over a hundred years old man. But she believed them.

And she believed that fighting against Voldemort was the right thing to do. She was too young to remember how the word looked like during the First Wizard War. But there were no doubts that Voldemort's comeback will bring serious danger to her loved ones. Her parents and friends would be his targets eventually.

Therefore she had to protect them. After all, this was the reason why she became an Auror. It wasn't about the badge, but about being able to protect the people she loved.

She failed with Cedric. But she won't fail again.

"I trust you. And I'm willing to fight against Voldemort no matter the costs."

Dumbledore gave her a warm smile, and Mad-Eye muttered as if she had just given the correct answer on a test.

"In that case, I would be delighted if you would agree to become a member of the Order of the Phoenix."

"The what?"

"The Order of the Phoenix. It's a secret society, which I founded during the First Wizarding War. Back then, we worked with the Ministry to oppose Voldemort and his followers. Now we can hardly count on cooperation. Therefore, it is essential that you keep your job in the Ministry."

"That means you lay down. If anyone asks, you believe in every word Fudge will come up with."

"Fine. I will do my best. Now, what do I have to do, to become a member? Should I make the unbreakable vow or something like this?"

"No, Miss Tonks, you don't have to do anything. The Order is based on mutual trust."

Tonks raised an eyebrow and looked at Moody in disbelief. There's no way her mentor would support this. But Mad-Eye just sighed and commented with dislike, "I know. I'm also not happy about it, but he is the boss."

"I understand your concerns. But I organised our meeting only because Alastor and Kingsley have recommended you, Miss Tonks. And also, because I remember you from your time back in Hogwarts. I think it's worth mentioning that your colleagues from the Circle, Bill and Charlie Weasley, are also members of the Order."

"No way! Bill and Charlie? That's brilliant!"

"Is it a yes then, Miss Tonks?"

"YES! Of course, yes! What can I do, and when can I start?"

"Well lassie," said Moody standing up and heading towards the door, "what would you say about tonight?"

* * *

Remus, 25.06.1995

Remus was becoming more and more sure that it was all a bad idea.

In about half an hour, he had to sneak into the Department of Mystery. And he began to wonder if it wouldn't be better if someone else would go in his place.

These thoughts had nothing to do with him usually avoid going anywhere near the Ministry of Magic. Or that this mission could be dangerous. Or even, that he had tomorrow a morning shift in the Muggle bookshop.

The reason for his doubts was his mission partner.

Of course, there was also the possibility that she just wouldn't be interested in joining the Order. Most people don't dream of risking their lives in a fight against Voldemort. It would be her decision, and he would have nothing to do with it. They would modify her memories, and everything would be fine.

But what if she agrees?

Going on a mission the same day she found out about the Order, was already a big request. Additionally, going on this mission with a werewolf could simply frighten her away. And it would be all his fault. The Order would lose an Auror and Sirius, a family member.

The latter has already cooled down from the rather unconventional family reunion. Lupin was throwing him a stick, and Snuffles was running like a real dog after it. Remus remembered how they used to laugh with James, that Sirius should stay as a dog permanently.

Watching his old friend for the past two days, Lupin began to fear that Sirius would actually prefer to spend the rest of his life as an animal. If it weren't for Harry, it probably would have been so. Maybe this young witch could also help Padfoot socialise again? He was so happy when he heard about her. Remus couldn't let her vanish until she gets to know Sirius.

"Alright lads, come back in!"

Moody appeared in the door frame snapping him out of his thoughts. Snuffles ran nimbly between his legs and was back in the cottage in no time. Lupin decided that now was the right time to share his concerns with Mad-Eye, but the old Auror forestalled him.

"Lupin, have a word. Now."

Mad-Eye took him aside and began to speak in a low voice, "She agreed. Not really a surprise, though. She will go on that mission with you. We gave her only the most important information. You have to elaborate. And when it's over, you send me a report. Do me a favour and don't let yourself killed, alright? Remember constant vigilance!"

By that, he wanted to end the conversation, but Remus grabbed his forearm to stop him.

"Moody," he said hesitantly, "I was just wondering... Maybe it would be better if someone else would go on that mission?"

"What?!" Mad-Eye tore his forearm out of his grasp. "Listen, lad. I know what that prat Snape told about her, and she probably didn't make the best first impression. Yes, she is terribly klutzy. I told her a million times to were normal shoes. I swear she sometimes still dress like a teenager. And she talks way too much..."

"Moody, this is not about..."

"...but I personally trained her! So better, don't make the mistake of underestimating her. She is competent, you don't have to worry."

"That's not what I'm afraid of. It's more about me being a…"

"Aaa," there was a hint of realisation in his normal eye, "this. Do you want me to tell her?"

"No need. She already knows."

"Then where is the problem?"

Remus was not sure how to verbalise his concerns. On the other hand, it was so obvious that it was odd Mad-Eye didn't figure it out himself.

"She will get to grips with it. We don't have time for a change. You go together. The two of you will get along, eventually. And if she happens to not get by so well, you report it to me, and I will have a quick chat with her. Fine? Now let's go. The clock is ticking."

Remus sighed deeply. There was no sense in explaining what he really meant or getting into a discussion with Moody. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't, because Mad-Eye was already on his way to the cottage.

They went back to the kitchen, where the young witch was petting Snuffles again. When the dog saw them entering, he jumped at the old Auror, with his tail swinging vigorously.

"Ok, ok, Snuffles, calm down. Tonks, there is one more thing you need to know. But just for once try to keep calm and don't embarrass me. Remember your cousin, Sirius Black?"

"How could I not? Of course, I do. I've been begging King for months to let me help with his case. Why are you asking? You think there is a chance he will show up there? It would be awesome to finally catch him."

"Actually," Dumbledore spoke up, "you should know that Sirius Black is also a member of the Order of the Phoenix."

"No offence Professor, but I think you meant to say he _was_ a member. Before he betrayed the Potters, then killed twelve Muggles and this poor little boy."

The reference to Peter being a ' _poor little boy'_ , caused Lupin to burst out in a cynical laugh. It's been a year since he knew the truth and he wished that everyone could find out about the real course of events.

"No, he is still a member. In fact, Peter Pettigrew was the spy all along. He was the real Secret-Keeper and betrayed the Potters. But when Voldemort failed, he got scared of the consequences. So he decided to fake his own death and frame Sirius for it."

"Nooo... That's impossible." At first, Remus thought he was just imagining, but the witch's hair was starting to get brighter and brighter. "Pettigrew is dead. Only a finger was left of him. Black killed him."

"No, Miss Tonks, he is alive. You see, Pettigrew is an unregistered Animagus. He cut off his own finger and was hiding for twelve years in the form of a rat. He was also the one that helped Voldemort to regain his power. Sirius Black is innocent."

Now her hair was completely white. All her facial muscles trembled out of sync. Her lips twitched until she was finally able to stutter out a word.

"No!"

"Yes," said Dumbledore laughing under his breath, "and I'm certain he will be happy to tell you the full story down to the last detail. Your cousin literally can't wait to meet you. I think she is ready Sirius."

Without hesitation, Sirius change back into his human form. He stood upright, with the dignity of a real heir of the House of Black. Suddenly he looked younger and wore a mischievous smile. For a moment, Remus saw again the boy, which around the fourth year started to sneak a bottle of firewhisky onto the Hogwarts Express. 

"Hello, cousin! Nice to finally…"

The ex-DADA Professor didn't even manage to record, what spell the pink-haired used to knock Sirius to the ground.

Not to mention the spells for tying his body with an enormous bubble gum, to freeze his feet into a block of ice or to transmute his ears into gigantic rabbit ones. The number of spells she forced in such a short time was really impressive. And their peculiarity made it really a show worth watching.

"Hello too _cousin,"_ she said, standing over him. "I was dreaming about this moment for the last two years. Just because you innocent, doesn't mean you can take this away from me. Now we're even."

Remus had to admit that he was truly amused by the young witch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> thank you so much for your lovely comments and Kudos! Really appreciate it <3
> 
> Editing this chapter was a real nightmare. I was on antidepressants for some time and finished them last week. Since then, I couldn't concentrate on a task for longer than 5 minutes. But it's finally getting better. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you will enjoy it :) 
> 
> Although this chapter is split into both perspectives, it shows mostly Remus' reaction to their first meeting. In the next one, I will include a little flashback to see the scene trough Tonks eyes. And speaking of the next chapter, I would like to know your opinion about something. 
> 
> I meant to write it as one chapter, but when I was writing, I noticed that it is too long. So I split it into two parts. But now I'm wondering if maybe it wouldn't be better to post it as one long chapter after all.  
> The first part would have around 3k words and the second part 5k. 
> 
> So, question to you, do you prefer to read one long chapter or two smaller ones? 
> 
> Thank you in advance, and I hope you are safe and healthy!
> 
> Best wishes,  
> Nicole
> 
> P.S. These characters and Harry Potter still belongs to J.K.Rowling  
> P.S. #2 the situation in Poland is not any better. Now the police are using pepper spray and nightsticks on the protestants, even reporters and opposition MPs were attacked. But fun fact, an edit of the song 'Call on me' by Eric Prydz became the anthem of the revolution.


	5. First addled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: description of a suicide attempt

Remus, 25.06.1995

After releasing Sirius from all her charms, it came to a bit awkward reunion. Sirius was visibly excited and happy to meet his cousin, while she kept him at bay. This, however, did not discourage him from cuddling and ruffling her hair like a little child. Which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do.

"You know, I imagined you would be a little taller."

"Really?! This is the first thing you wanted to tell me? That you thought I would be taller?" she stepped back firmly, and Remus noticed that her hair turned redder. "You didn't think that it would be appropriate to explain first how you ended up in Azkaban? Or how you escaped from there? Or how it is possible that the Ministry doesn't know about you being a bloody Animagus? And you know, it would be freaking nice if you would ask how my mum is doing, just saying."

"Right," said Sirius noticeable not so laid back anymore, "hoo-how is Andi?"

"You will have plenty of time to talk about it later. But not now."

"Blimey Mad-Eye, someone might think you were touched."

"I'm afraid that Alastor is right," sight Dumbledore. "It is with great sadness that I have to ask you to put off the catching up. Nevertheless, it's Sunday, and the Ministry will be closing soon."

"Lupin, here is my Invisibility Cloak, and don't forget to send me the report," said Mad-Eye. "Now listen Tonks, you must get you, two little buggers, unnoticed into the Department of Mystery. I suggest you use No.4 Auror Entrance. Remus will explain the details of the mission to you later. I don't know yet who will change you tomorrow, but I will find someone. And remember, if one of you get killed, stick to the plan and notify me immediately."

Remus nodded in agreement and focused on reducing the size of the cloak so that it could fit into his pocket. It reminded him of the times when they had used James' Invisibility Cloak to play a prank on someone. They planned their pranks weeks in advance, always down to the last detail. Planing was actually the best part about it. At least for Remus. Merlin, how many nights they spend...

"Then you're also a member of the Order?"

He looked puzzled at the girl that bust him out from his memories. Her hair had already changed back to strawberry pink. Remus was about to answer when Sirius cut in, "Of course, he is! We both joined as soon as we finished Hogwarts. You know, cousin, Remus here is one of my best and oldest friends!"

Sirius throw an arm around Remus' neck. Given the height difference, it was both comical and uncomfortable. Remus knew what his old friend was doing. For some unknown reason, Sirius thought that by showing up together, he will get more recognition by girls. Black always joked that he was a much better wingman than James. Remus doubted that it was working on the girls at Hogwarts, let alone now.

_"Friends? You two?_ "

"Yes," Remus confirmed, trying hard not to laugh at the sound of disbelief in her voice. Who could blame her?

"Well actually, we were more something like brothers. You could say we ran the school. We were…"

"No time for a chinwag!" grunted Moody and turned to the two mission partners. "Do you kids have everything?"

"Nope. I have to go home first and change."

"We don't have time for that, lassie. Death Eaters won't treat you leniently just because you won't have donkey ears sewn onto your robes. You are fine. Pretty as always."

"No," she replied firmly. "And you didn't even look at me closely. These are rabbit ears, not donkey ears! But most importantly, I need to change my boots. And also… also I don't have my Auror badge with me."

"WHAT? You must always have it with you! Why are you, unprepared?!"

"I wasn't actually planning to leave my house today. You made me come here straight away, Mad-Eye. Besides, I must have it with me only when I'm on duty. And I'm on holidays now, for Merlin's sake!"

"Aurors don't have holidays! We are always on duty! I keep telling you all the time, CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"

"Well you can nag as much as you want Mad-Eye, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't have my badge with me. And without my badge, I can't use the Auror Entrance."

Lupin and Black exchanged glances. They never heard anyone speaking like that with Moddy. Even the Marauders had too much respect for him, and (although none of them would admit it) too much fear.

"Fine," the famous Auror hissed out. "You have 15 minutes. Then apparate straight before the entrance. Now hurry up."

He didn't have to tell her that twice. She said a quick goodbye and ran to the fireplace leaving a strawberry scent behind.

"I must admit, the Order has just gained a precious new member," said Dumbledore smiling and getting up to leave. "Alastor, it's time for us. Poppy is probably already worried about her patient."

Lupin escorted Dumbledore and Moody to his fireplace. Of course, he agreed with the Headmaster that the pink-haired witch will be a good acquisition for their side. However, this only increased his concerns.

He knew too well what superstition wizards had about werewolves. They were afraid of them even when the werewolf was in its human form. She probably believed that Remus was an evil, soulless beast. Maybe she was even scared that he might hurt or sexually harass her on this mission.

He tried hard not to show his anxiety that took over his whole body. In his head, he contemplated how best to behave around her. How could he show her that he wasn't going to hurt her?

"Don't worry too much, Remus," encouraged Dumbledore. The Headmaster was not looking directly at him but somewhere in space. "I trust that you will appropriately introduce Miss Tonks to the secrets of the Order, and show her how we work. Focus on the mission, and everything will work out. She may even surprise you positively."

Remus smiled, trying to hide his confusion. Dumbledore seemed to always know when he was overthinking something. And his words were usually able to calm down his nerves. Also now he felt calmer, though he did not believe that everything would go as smoothly as the Headmaster said. But Dumbledore was right, there was no point in worrying about what she thought of him. Remus should focus entirely on the mission, not his partner. And maybe, just maybe, if he will treat her like any other member of the Order, they will manage to get along somehow.

Shortly after that, his guests disappeared in green flames. Remus took his travelling robes off the rack, but before leaving, he wanted to say goodbye to Sirus, who stayed in the kitchen.

He found him sitting calmly at the kitchen table. Sirius was playing with an orange that he was rolling on the table from one hand to the other. There was a big smile on his face.

"What is bothering you, Padfoot?" enquired Remus, sitting down across to him.

"She is amazing, isn't she?" he asked with a cheerful voice, his eyes still fixed on the orange.

"Yes," answered Remus carefully, "she definitely has a lot of energy."

"A lot of mad energy, you wanted to say. Have you seen her hair? And the way she talked with Moody? She is just..." he looked up and smiled even wider, "amazing. Finally, a family member with whom I have something in common."

Someone, who didn't know Sirius, might have thought that he was over the moon right now. But Remus knew better. When Sirius Black was really happy, he was loud. He was loud and hyperactive. A really happy Sirius would put his feet up on the table, swing in his chair and wave his arms in all directions. This Sirius sitting across to him was merely pretending. 

"Moony, do you think she liked me?"

"She definitely took to Snuffles."

Remus didn't quite know how to answer that question. It was hard to deduce anything from the brief interaction between the cousins. He didn't want to bring his friend down, but he didn't want to lie to him either.

_Poof!_

Sirius didn't catch the orange on time. It had fallen off the table and was rolling on the floor now.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius shouted, hitting the table with his hand. "Why did I say that about her height? Now she probably thinks I'm a complete prat!"

"Well, to be fair, you are a prat. But you were also right. She actually is quite short."

"Git."

"Oh Padfood, don't be so harsh on yourself."

"It must be very bad if _you_ are telling me not to be harsh on myself," said Sirius, which made Remus chuckle.

"I don't think she's really mad at you. And she's an Order member now. So, you two will have plenty of occasions to create a bond. You will see."

"Yeah, you may be right."

Sirius wasn't entirely convinced yet, but he smiled slightly. This time Remus knew it was a sincere smile. He would like to stay longer to talk to Sirius and cheer him up, but he couldn't be late for the mission. Remus got up from the chair and began putting on his travelling robes. A sincere and slight smile; that had to be enough for now.

"Moony?"

"Yes?"

"Could you put in a good word for me during your mission?"

"Of course, Pads," Remus patted him on the back. "I will certainly do so."

* * *

**Tonks, 25.06.1995**

Raspberry tart! Penny was taking a shower, so Tonks could sneak out on the mission without having another conversation with her. She put the wine glass back to the kitchen cupboard and then went to her room.

First, she changed her clothes to something more suitable for an undercover mission. Then she put on her bovver boots which made her feel immediately more confident. Her Auror robes were still laying in the corner next to the laundry basket, where she left them on Friday afternoon. Tonks sniffed them. They didn't smell that bad yet, so she put them on. Then she grabbed a piece of parchment, scribbled a few words of explanations for Penny and was ready to go.

She apparated near the Horse Guards building. From all the auror entrances, No. 4 was undoubtedly the las favourite one. Mainly because of the specific smell and the possibility of stepping into something. Tonks didn't know any Auror who would willingly choose this entrance instead of one of the other five. This made it just perfect for tonight.

Lupin was already waiting for her. She nearly overlooked him because he blended into the crowd so well. His travel robes were worn out, but at the same time pedantically neat. His coat didn't have even a single crumpling. The complete opposite of her robes, which until recently were rolled up in a ball on the floor.

"Wotcher! Hope you don't wait too long, Mr Lupin."

"Not at all," he replied kindly, "and you can call me Remus."

"Ok, let it be Remus then. And I'm sorry, but I won't let you use my first name. Call me Tonks."

"O, of course, Ms Tonks, "he raised both eyebrows what made her realised how badly she chose her words, "I understand if you prefer to stay with me…"

"No! No _Ms_ Tonks. Just Tonks. Without the 'Ms'. You see, I'm just not really fond of my awful first name."

"You mean Nymphadora?"

"How do you…" Tonks froze. She was surprised at first but quickly realised what must have happened. "Mad-Eye told you, huh?"

"To be exact, it was Kingsley. And now I remember that he mentioned something about not using your first name. Although, I thought it was just a joke."

"Nope, it's absolutely true. Only my mother can use that stupid name. And that's just because otherwise she starts talking about 12 hours of labour with too much detail. Everyone else has to call me Tonks. Just Tonks."

Lupine nodded and made an 'uh-huh' sound. His face remained expressionless, so it was hard to tell what he was thinking. But Tonks knew what most people - who did not know her well - usually thought.

"You think I'm childish, don't you?"

"No, not at all."

"Bullshitter."

"No, really, I don't think you're childish. Enthusiastic perhaps, but not childish. I was just... eee... eme... well...," he looked down, and a half-smile appeared on his face "eee... never mind. You probably don't want to know what I was thinking."

There was something weird in Lupin's half-smile, it just...It was so hard to read! What did it mean? Was it uncertain or cynical?

Anyway, she didn't need his opinion, let alone advise. Tonks was sick of people who didn't understand her dislike of her own name. He will probably say something like 'oh, but it's such a pretty name, you should use it blah, blah, blah'. Best let him say it right away!

"No, please, knock yourself out."

"All right," he spoke with a polite voice. "I think you have every right not to like your own name. But I was just wondering what your middle name must be. It probably has to be even worse, since you decided on the surname."

Tonks felt as if hit by a _Confundus_ charm. Was he serious, or was he making fun of her? Usually, Tonks could tell when someone wanted to offend her. But now, she had no idea what Lupin's true intentions were. Should she be offended? Either way, she swore to herself that this man would never get to know what her middle name is.

"If I told you, I would have to kill you," she stated truthfully.

"I guess I will not risk it. Good then, _Just Tonks_ ," he straightened and made an inviting gesture with his hand, "shall we?"

Tonks nodded. She was ready to lead Lupin to the entry, but it seemed as he would exactly know, where to go. He even stopped right next to the brick, to which she had to put her badge, so a doorway could appear in the wall.

_Strange_ , she thought. Ordinary wizards didn't know where the Auror entrances were. Taking strangers through them was actually forbidden.

By the time Lupin bowed his head to avoid the invisible beam from the ceiling, Tonks was sure it couldn't be a coincidence. After all, _she_ completely forgot about the beam and almost hit her head on it. Which has happened twice in the past. He must have used this entrance before.

"Have you..."

"Yes, " he said gently, "I have been here already. During the First War, I had a mission with one Auror. We had to sneak into the Ministry every night for almost five months. Sometimes we also used No. 3 Auror Entrance, but most often, we chose this one."

"Oh, cool."

Tonks was perplexed. Could he read her mind? Was he a Legilimens? And who was the Auror, he mentioned? What kind of mission could last five months?

"Frank Longbottom."

"Pardon?"

"The Auror with whom I had this mission. It was Frank Longbottom. In case you were wondering."

"How did you know what I was thinking about?"

"I did _not_ know it," that half-smile appeared on his face again, "but if I were you, I would certainly be suspicious of an unauthorised person who would know this place."

"I wasn't su-..."

He was right. She was suspicious of him. And it was not the first time.

_She was greeted by a tall man standing in front of her. Tonks had to look up to see his face. She knew it from somewhere but couldn't connect it with a name. The man was stretching out a hand, to help her get out of the fireplace. Tonks couldn't remember if any man ever did that for her. She wanted to accept the offer, but just as their hands were about to touch, the realisation hit her._

_This man was the ex-DADA Professor!_

_The werewolf._

_She felt that something was wrong. But her brain couldn't keep up, with what was going on. Her body parts made some weird movements. She withdrew her hand, missing his only by an inch. Her foods had no idea what to do. One was going backwards, the other one forwards. Eventually, she stumbled over the threshold._

_She instinctively closed her eyes. Tonks knew she was falling, that was nothing new to her. She was ready to hit the floor in any second._

_Only this time, the fall never happened._

_Instead, she felt that someone was holding her firmly and smelled a subtle scent of washing powder._

_"Well, that was close."_

_He caught her. Tonks finally opened her eyes and looked up._

_The first thing she saw was the collar of a sweater. The skin beneath it was covered with several scars. She followed them, looking higher and higher till she was looking him straight in the face. And she couldn't help it, she was staring right at the three large scars in the middle._

_But she also noticed other details like the pale tone of his skin, a_ _light brown fringe and small wrinkles around his eyes._

_"It's nice to meet you. I'm Remus Lupin."_

_"I know."_

_This sentence left out her mouth almost without her notice. Definitely without her thinking._

_"Oh."_

_Suddenly, his gaze changed. He lowered his head, looking down at the floor. Tonks saw how he began to withdraw his hand. And for some reason that made her furious._

_"Wotcher!" She grabbed his hand in the last minute. "I'm Tonks. Nice to meet you too."_

_He slightly shacked her hand back but didn't look at her again. To avoid his gaze, she looked down at the floor. And to her horror, she saw there a splashed red puddle._

_Mad-Eye's weird behaviour._

_His sudden message._

_Landing in a werewolf's house._

_A puddle of red liquid._

_Tonks connected the dots and was ready to take her wand out. But fortunately, just then, Mad-Eye (safe and sound) appeared in the doorframe._

Tonks still felt stupid, that she had mistaken red wine with blood. And most of all, because she judged Lupin so easily. And now she was suspicious of him again. She should have guessed that the Order had probably used No.4 Auror Entrance before.

On the other hand, she had rational grounds to be suspicious. Every other Auror in her place would think so. Given the circumstances, she should be allowed to have some concerns, right? And doesn't Moody keep repeating to be vigilance all the time? Her mentor would probably be proper chuffed that she didn't let her guards down.

And actually, she should be worried, that it wasn't Mad-Eye, that start casting spells the moment he saw red liquid spilt on the floor. Well, if even the most paranoid Auror, was so laid-back about Lupin…

But then again, wasn't Moody kidnapped and under the Imperius for nine months? Maybe it damaged his brain somehow? Maybe her mentor was getting old? Let's not forget, that he let even Sirius Black run around without any leash.

Tonks wasn't used to the idea that her cousin might be innocent yet. For most of her life, she was convinced, that Sirius was an unscrupulous murderer. Maybe soon it will turn out that aunt Bella is also innocent?

No, this is absurd! If Sirius was not guilty, then why was he still on the run? Couldn't Dumbledore do something about it? Unless... Black just fooled everyone again? And maybe - since they had known each other for so long- he and Lupin were doing something in cahoots?

No, Mad-Eye would never allow Sirius to sit so idyllically in the same room with him if he had not been fully convinced of his innocence. And it was also evident, that Moody trusted Lupin. He even asked _him_ to write the report from this mission.

Also, Lupin didn't give her any real reasons to be suspicious. He had even given her a band-aid for the cut on her hand. So, shouldn't she trust him too? Merlin, why was it all so complicated?

More and more contradictory information appeared in her head. She was so confused, it was hard to think clearly.

Tonks would never have imagined this evening to end up like this. She just joined a secret organisation fighting against Voldemort. Her cousin turned out to be innocent but is hiding from the Ministry as a dog. And now she's on a mission, about which she knew almost nothing, in the company of this stranger with lycanthropy.

Moody would tell her to trust her instinct. But at the moment her instinct was as confounded as the whole rest of her. She started to wonder if it was due to her job, or maybe she just wasn't so unprejudiced as she always thought she was?

Oh, bloody hell!

The more she thought about it, the more confused she got. It seemed that there was only one solution. She has to give it time and make her own mind about Lupin.

* * *

**Remus, 25.06.1995**

The rest of the way, they spent in silence. Tonks was walking beside him, clearly lost in thought. Remus suspected that she felt uncomfortable in his company. If it was due to him being a werewolf, or the conversations they just had, didn't make much difference. Maybe it was both?

Merlin, he should say something, apologies to her somehow.

Lupin knew from the beginning that this mission could not end well. He had spent too much of his life alone. Most of his friends were already dead. As if being a werewolf wasn't bad enough, he apparently lost the ability to make a normal conversation with other people.

In retrospect, the comment about her second name was too audacious. Remus had spent so much time with Sirius that it probably must have awakened his inner Marauder. A fine kettle of fish.

And then he pointed her out that she was suspicious of him. Of course she was, she was on a mission with a werewolf after all. He should have just kept it quiet.

It seemed that focusing entirely on the mission, not his mission partner, was easier said than done...

Eventually, they reached the second floor of the Ministry. Before moving to a more crowded place, she leaned against a wall and then squeezed her eyes tight. On her face appeared an expression as if she was trying to remember something. The next moment her entire appearance changed.

She grew a few inches, and her skin became tanned. In a blink of an eye, she also transmuted her clothes to fit her new figure. Her hair was now waist-length and jet black. The features of her face became sharper, and she resembled a middle-aged woman from southern Europe. There was no trace of the young pink-haired witch from a moment before. Though the scent of strawberries remained.

"I decided to look like my neighbour Giulia. She is a Muggle. Nobody should pay attention to her," she explained. He must have looked astonished because she added, "I'm a Metamorphmagus."

Remus already heard about it, and he even saw how her hair colour changed earlier. However, seeing the full potential of her abilities was mesmerising.

"Yes, pardon me for staring, this was just so incredible...Blimey, I-I apologise, I didn't mean to be rude."

"No need to apologise. Incredible is the least rude comment I got. And everyone stares the first time, believe me," she winked at him. "Now put on that cloak and let's go down."

Remus did what she asked and followed Tonks to the elevator. They only passed one Magical Maintenance employee, who paid no attention to them at all. The Ministry was indeed solitary at this time. They reached the ninth floor, walked down a dark corridor, and passed through the only door to a circular chamber.

"Ok, we are inside. And what do we do now?"

"We need to find the Hall of Prophecy," informed Remus taking off the Invisibility Cloak.

"Prophecy?" she asked astonished, then shook her head vigorously. "Never mind. How do we find the right entrance? At random?"

Inside the round room were a dozen identical doors, all without handles. Additionally, the chamber rotated around its axis, so it was easy to lose track. Only an Unspeakable could find the right entrance without problems. At least in theory.

During the First War, the members of the Order invented a trick to quickly find the right door.

" _Squodrem!_ " pronounced Remus with the correct wand movement.

The spell didn't work on Tonks as she wasn't there when it was first cast. Remus wanted to tell her what to do, but the young Auror must have guessed herself.

" _Revelio!_ "

After a while, a sweet smell began to float in the air. Something between vanilla and cinnamon. The aroma was so intense that it was easy to tell where it came from.

"A bearing charm! Brilliant! Though, I bet it wasn't Mad-Eye who chose the fragrance, was it?"

She was right. It wasn't Moody, but Dorcas Meadowes who cast the spell and chose the vanilla-cinnamon fragrance. Remus didn't want to get melancholy again, so he cracked a smile, shaking his head slightly.

They followed the sweet scent track, which led them to a chamber filled with Prophecy Records on high shelves. They kept walking till row ninety-seven where they finally found what they were looking for.

"So, let me guess," said Tonks reading the inscription on the label affixed to the glass ball from which came the sweet smell. "Our mission is to protect this prophecy, right?"

"Exactly. Last time, Voldemort and his followers had tried their best to get hold of that prophecy. Therefore, we think that they will try again now."

"I see, and do we know, what this prophecy is about?"

"Dumbledore knows the entire contents. The rest of the Order only has a general idea of it," Remus took a deep breath," I think it's time to explain you everything."

Lupin cast the Muffliato Charm around them and revealed Tonks everything he knew about the prophecy.

That it was about a boy born at the end of Julie, whose parents had defied He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named three times. This boy was foretold to be capable of defeating Lord Voldemort. Remus also told her that in 1980 two boys were born who fit the description: Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom.

He told Tonks about the Potters going into hiding, and how everyone believed, that Sirius was their Secret Keeper. Except that he wasn't. Voldemort finally found their hiding place and every wizard knew the rest of the story.

"Ok, that explains a bit. But not everything! I still have so many questions about Sirius."

"I guarantee you, he'll be happy to answer all of them." And remembering his promise, he added, "You just have to give him a chance. He is a good person. One of the very best actually. He only went through a lot."

She didn't answer to that. Remus was not quite sure if she had heard what he was saying. Tonks looked at the floor, and after a while, she turned back to the glass ball.

"So, this all happened, just because of a prophecy?"

"Basically, I guess you could say that, yes."

She took a step back and hit the shelf with her foot.

"What a load of bollocks!"

"Pardon?"

"I mean," she still had Giulia's face, but there was something about her that reminded Remus constantly of that young pink-haired girl, "you know, this whole divination is just complete nonsense! And everyone knows that Seers are a bunch of crooks. So, how could a stupid prophecy, create such a mess?"

"Prophecies are everything else than stupid, Tonks." He replied with a serious voice.

"Are you kidding me? You really believe in divination?"

"No, divination is definitely a hoax."

"Oh, forgive me," she commented sarcastically," how could I be so wrong? Sure, divination is a fraud, but prophecies are real. Of course."

"Exactly." He smiled, seeing her expression, which was a mix of disappointment and pity. "Obviously there are many imposters among Seers, I'm aware of it. However, some wizards are indeed borne with the rear ability to see the future. Remarkably, this faculty is often inherited. And it occurs not only in wizards. It is also present among vampires and centaurs. Though the centaur's predictions are based more on nature observation than on visions. And let's not forget about Demiguises. Have you known that they can…"

"Ok, ok! I get it!" she said with outstretched hands, and then she crossed them on her chest. "Merlin, I forgot that you were a professor. But did you, _professor_ , actually ever met a real Seer? Or is it all just theory?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, I did."

Tonks jaw dropped slightly downwards. Apparently, this was not the answer she had expected.

Remus couldn't help but laughed. The young witch obviously didn't like that and punched him quite hard on the shoulder.

"Oh yeah? And did he foreseen that too?"

"That's not how it works, Tonks. Visons are usually not that precise," theatrically, he began massaging the place she hit him, "and the knowledge of them does not prevent them from happening. However, _she_ warned me about many things, but certainly not about that."

"Then, what did she predicted for you?"

_They were sitting alone at the kitchen table in the old Order headquarter. Sirius and James just went on a mission, Peter was resting at home, and Lily was doing some research with Caradoc. After giving Moody a report from their last mission, Remus and Marlene decided to stay for a cup of tea and some small chat._

_Marlene was just talking about her recent experiences with oil paints when she broke off in mid-sentence, her eyes blank, and her expression frozen. She got a vision. When it was over, she grabbed his wrist and looked at him with concern._

_"Remus," she frowned and paled a little, "listen to me carefully. When you see Sirius in a triangle, then don't do that what you were about to do! Do you hear me? You will have to go home. Remus, promise me that you will go home! Someone will be waiting for you there. Accept the offer. Trust me. You will be needed. Just don't do what you will think about!"_

_Her vision came true almost fourteen years later._

_Remus had one of the worst transformations in his life. As always, he took any possible security measure: he went to a small shack he built in the middle of a desolate forest (a Disillusionment charm on it), used all know to wizardkind security and lock spells, hung chunks of raw meat to the calling (to keep the wolf busy) and just before the moon came out_ _he inhaled a corrosive substance through his nose (it damaged his olfaction, so it was more difficult for the wolf to sense the victim)._

_Unfortunately, this time a group of Muggel teenagers was camping in the forest and decided to go deeper the usual campers. They came near Remus shack, and the wolf's howling didn't scare them away. Instead, they tried to find the place where the noise was coming from. Of course, a Muggle could never find the shack, but the wolf was sensing their presence._

_The wolf went furious. Hunting these teenagers became the most important thing in the world. He tried to break through the walls, dig a hole, bite through the door, it didn't matter how hurt he got doing it._

_When Remus woke up in his human body the next day, the sun was already down._

_It was never that bad._

_Every inch of his body hurt, although that was not the worst. Over the years, he had got used to the pain. But at that moment he was too weak, to faith the dark thoughts in his head. And they took advantage of it._

_Remus felt that his whole life was unfair, that he was completely alone, that nobody would care if he would die right here and right now._

_He really had enough. Weakens, tiredness, exhaustion and hopelessness were the only components of his exitance. Moving his hand, just an inch felt like taking a herculean effort. What was the point in getting up, dressing up, healing his wounds, when next month he had to go through all this again? What if he would just stay there lying on the ground? Maybe if he would just close his eyes and concentrate very hard, it would be possible that he could bring himself to die?_

_After several minutes he realised that it doesn't work. He knew already that killing himself was not that easy, as it seemed. Most often, he just didn't have the courage to finally do that._

_But this time was different._

_With his last willpower, he stood up and went outside to the hollow in a tree, where he was hiding his clothes and wand. He dressed up and sit down under the tree with his wand in hand._

_He was ready to perform the Killing Curse. But before that, he decided to look up at the sky for the last time._

_The night sky was so beautiful._

_The stars were shining, unmoved by what was happening below them._ _Among them was also the brightest star. The one he heated. The Sirius star._

_It reminded him every time hat his former best friend was still in Azkaban for killing three of his other friends. And because of that, he was now alone. Actually, it was Sirius' fault that Remus was now completely alone._

_He looked up again to spit on that stupid star. He cursed Sirius that he must have spoiled him even this moment. And just then he realised, that he was watching at the Sirius star trough ranches arranged in an almost perfect triangle._

_When you see Sirius in a triangle, then don't do that what you were about to do!_

_Remus looked at the wand in his hand and threw it to the ground. All of a sudden, he didn't felt so lonely anymore. Someone cared about him. Someone didn't want him to die today, even if it was in the past._

_You will have to go home. Remus, promise me that you will go home! Someone will be waiting for you there. Accept the offer. Trust me. You will be needed. Just don't do what you will think about!_

_He was wondering, who could actually need an old, meagre werewolf. Remus wasn't needed for a very long time. And he wanted nothing more than to be needed again._

_He believed in Marlene's vision, and he trusted her, so he treated his wounds and slowly moved back to his cottage._

_As he arrived, he noticed that the light in his kitchen was on. He went in and found Albus Dumbledore sitting by his kitchen table._

_"Ach, Remus, how good to see you, my boy. I was afraid something may have happened to you. Although you don't look very well. Can I help you with something?"_

_Lupin assured him that he was alright and they started to talk. Dumbledore offered him the post of the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Remus was so amazed and happy, but he knew that because of his condition, he couldn't accept this._

_Then the Headmaster promised him a limitless supply of Wolfsbane Potion. Still, he was not convinced, that this was a good idea, although, his heart wanted this more than anything else._

_Accept the offer._ _Trust me. You will be needed._

_Remus decided to trust Marlene again, and so he finally accepted Dumbledores offer._

That was one of the last visions Marlene had about him. From the perspective of time, he was very grateful for believing in it. But he could never share this story with Tonks. It was just too personal.

They were, of course, also other visions. Some of them had not yet happened. And sometimes Remus hoped some would never come true.

_One morning he was sitting peacefully in his kitchen eating breakfast and reading a book. Suddenly he heard that someone flooed in, which was strange considering the early hour. The sound of feet, angrily hitting the floor, followed. After a second Marlene McKinnon was standing just beside him and Remus couldn't remember to ever see her so livid._

_"Remus John Lupin," her index finger tapped him on the chest with every word she said, "you're a damn fool!"_

_"Ok, Marlene, I apologise for whatever I did. But could you please remind me what made you so terribly angry at me?"_

_"Nothing yet. But you will. One day you will do a horrible thing."_

_Suddenly it grew terribly cold. Remus felt sweat on his back. He knew Marlene was not kidding. He just wondered what she must have seen in her vision._

_"What will I do?"_

_"I can't tell you that. But I know how you can fix it. I will explain to you everything when the cat in the cauldron will wet your pants. Just ask about me. At the moment, I can't tell you more, I'm sorry."_

Remus wished, she would tell him at least _something_ more. He didn't know what ' _horrible thing'_ he was supposed to do someday. There were so many possibilities. If he knew, he could prepare for it somehow.

So far, no cat in cauldron has peed on him. Marlene had never told him how he could fix his ' _horrible thing'_ , and she will never get the chance to tell him.

"You know what?" asked Tonks pulling him out of his melancholy. "Never mind. We probably shouldn't stay so close to the prophecy. Let us take a look around and then meet by the entry in about ten minutes."

* * *

**Tonks, 25/26.06.1995**

Prophecies, what a nonsense...

To be honest, Tonks expected a more thrilling mission. Anyway, that was still better than her lasts Auror missions. And if it's true that Voldemort believed in this prophecy absurd, then she had to admit that an attack today was very likely.

She walked around the shelves, trying to remember as many details as possible. Moody taught her that. Knowing the terrain gives you an advantage over your opponent.

However, the layout of this room was simple. Only the vestibule at the entrance stood out a little. Large sculptures of famous Seers stood by the door on either side. When Tonks walked closer to them, she recognised that they were made of real silver.

_Quite an expensive decor for a room that theoretically should not be entered._

The rest of the room was practically the same, rows of shelves filled with prophecies. Most of them covered with a layer of dust, which grew thicker the closer Tonks got to the entrance.

Suddenly one of the prophecies caught her attention. It was on the shelf with the number one and looked like it would be there for ages. The small tag was almost completely destroyed, but she managed to read one of the tree or four inscriptions.

_A.Lupin_

She went near to the entry. The tall wizard was already standing by one of the silver sculptures. For some reason, this view gave her a bad feeling.

"Hey Remus, do you have any brother or sister?"

"No, I'm an only child," he answered with a gentle voice turning his head to her side. "Why are you asking?"

"Believe it or not, but there is one prophecy with your second name! Do you have someone in your family, with a first name starting with an 'A'?"

"From those relatives I knew, I don't think so."

"Oi, then maybe it is someone from the future!"

"No... that-that is, that is rather impossible."

"Why not?"

Tonks was sincerely surprised why he was so sure about this. After all, he was the one who believed in prophecies. But she quickly regretted that her innate curiosity has taken control of her. Remus looked like she had just punched him in the face with this question and she had no idea why.

"Well. You see... Iii-in my family, I am the last one to bear this surname."

Hearing the tone of his voice, even Tonks was delicate enough not to pursue the topic.

Also, after a while, she realised the meaning of his words and was feeling pity for the poor man.

From his records, she knew that he was not married. And after he got infected, he didn't really have a chance of it.

Lupin didn't seem like a person to have fun with. Tonks would even say he was a bit boring. And to be honest, for her taste, he wasn't even handsome. He looked constantly worried (a real misery guts). He already had greying hair. He was almost forty. He had a scarred face. He looked sick. He wore rags. He was a werewolf.

So, who would fall in love with him?

Tonks knew it was not his fault. It was really unfair, but that was the reality. Poor guy.

"Oh, never mind. Maybe this prophecy had already come true a long time ago," Tonks finally said to break the awkward moment.

"Yes, probably," he muttered without conviction. "Anyway, I think it would be good to put an Imperturbable Charm on the door, just in case."

But Lupin had moved only a few steps when they heard a noise as if someone would be wrestling with the lock on the door. They looked at each other. Both fully concentrated, their wands ready for action.

He gave her a sign with his head to hide behind the statues, and then he threw the cloak over him. Tonks nodded in agreement and started toward the silver sculptures on the other side.

Silver sculptures.

Silver.

Wait!

Was he aware that these sculptures wear made of real silver? And how was it in the end? Silver could have hurt a werewolf, or was it a myth after all?

The Auror froze in motion. The door began to open. Through the invisibility cloak, she couldn't see where Lupine was now. Should she warn him?

But then there was no time for that anymore.

She saw the door swing open. And she saw boots sticking out from under an invisible cloak. Too close to the sculpture. Too close to silver. Steps. Two figures entered carefully.

Now without hesitating, Tonks waved her wand and cast several spells at once.

The first hit Lupine from behind. It threw him aside, away from the sculpture. The recoil was strong, and he hit his head against a wall. He was lying on the floor unconscious, half invisible.

The second missed, as was the third, and the fourth only hit the shoulder of one of the figures. Now Tonks was able to see that these silhouettes were wearing Death Eater masks. And now they were able to see her.

For a moment, it looked as if they wanted to withdraw. But then they probably thought that the two of them would be able to handle just one opponent.

Lupine was still unconscious. Jinxes, hexes and curses of various colours began to fly in all directions.

Tonks' movements were deftly and fast. She had to attack and protect herself at the same time. She was hit several times, fortunately without any serious injuries.

They, on the other hand, had it worse.

However, Tonks knew they were not attacking with their full strength. They acted as if they didn't want to unnecessarily draw anyone's attention to the fight that was taking place here. Fine for her.

But she quickly felt herself weakening. Two for one was never fair.

At one point, she managed to throw off the mask of one of them. She saw long platinum hair, and then the face, of none other, than Lucius Malfoy. He was furious.

The shock took her two precious seconds.

She didn't manage to dodge from one spell in time. Tonks fell to the ground, and she dropped her wand. The pain was rising through her whole body. She didn't have the strength to get up yet.

The Death Eaters began to approach her. But then one flew several meters up struck by some spell.

Remus regained consciousness and had just begun a duel with Malfoy. He moved agile forward, and after a while, he stood in front of her. Protecting her with his own body.

Tonks pulled herself to her knees but was unable to stand up yet. She summoned her wand. Then immobilised the other Death Eater, which was still lying on the ground.

She watched Lupin's duel with Malfoy. Remus was good. Very good actually. He was fast, had a good reflex and used nonverbal spells better than some Aurors Tonks knew. Malfoy was in real trouble.

"I see Dumbledore has sent his mongrel to guard. He really had no one better?"

"I'll bet Voldemort must have been very pleased to see you again since he sent you here, Lucius. Fudge and the rest of the Ministry will experience a real shock when it turns out that you are a Death Eater after all."

"Do you think they'll believe a werewolf and some insignificant woman?"

"They will believe the Unspeakable, who will be here any second. Summoned by the noise and the amount of magic that is used here."

The words must have hit Malfoy's weak point. Especially since they were accompanied by the sound of footsteps from a distance. He started to back away and called his companion's body to him.

"It's not over yet. The fun has just begun mutt."

After a second, they were gone. Remus gripped Tonks' wrist tightly and pulled her up. Then he threw the invisibility cloak over both of them and hid with her behind one of the sculptures. Before Tonks could say anything, she saw how his skin touches the silver sculpture and...

Nothing happened.

"Does it not…"

"Shh!"

Someone went inside again. Tonks recognised that they were the Unspeakables. They walked around the room looking for the source of the noise and checking if nothing was damaged. They hung around for a good hour.

Tonks and Lupine were still standing behind the cloak in complete silence. She watched him lean against the sculpture with no sign of pain. The silver, apparently, had no effect on him.

When the Unspeakables left, and they couldn't hear the sound of their footsteps anymore, Tonks and Remus could finally move.

"Phew, that was close! One of the Unspeakables almost stepped on my foot. I wonder if they came across Death Eaters along the way. Probably not, otherwise, they would have challenged the Aurors. Merlin, what an adrenaline! And I have to admit your fighting skills are really ..." Tonks froze when she saw his expression. "Remus, is something wrong?"

He didn't even flinch. He hasn't moved since they took off the cloak. His eyes were fixed on the floor.

"Remus?"

"You attacked me."

"I…"

His voice was calm. She hated that it was calm. She wished he would yell at her like Mad-Eye would. Tonks got tongue-tied. He was right, she has attacked him. She attacked her own partner.

And how was she supposed to explain it to him without making herself an incompetent idiot? After all, she only wanted to protect him. But she was an Auror, she shouldn't believe in these silver-werewolf myths in the first place.

"I'm sorry, I panicked," she finally managed to say.

But apparently, those were the wrong words. Remus looked even more downcast than before if that was even possible. As if she confirmed something he knew long ago.

"Alright. Maybe it would be better if we would split for the rest of the mission. I will go before the door, make sure that nobody comes in. You stay here. Although I doubt, they will try another attack today."

Tonks didn't have the willpower to stop him.

They spent the rest of the mission in separate rooms. This gave her plenty of time to think about everything. She also remembered that Lupine was the one supposed to write the report for Mad-Eye. She could already hear his complaints and lectures. Why does she always have to do something so stupid?

After a few very long hours, the morning has finally come, and Sturgis Podmore changed them. Tonks morphed back to her regular face so they could use Auror Entrance Number again.

On the way there, they still didn't speak to each other. Though Tonks had a lot of things, she wanted to say. She just didn't know where to start, and they were almost at the exit.

"Ouch!"

_Oh, bugger!_

Of course, she must have forgotten the invisible beam in the ceiling and banged her head. After all, this day wasn't bad enough already.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, it's just this stupid beam. I always forget about it," Tonks started rubbing her bump to ease the pain. But as they already started talking, she decided to take her chance, "Remus, listen, I wanted to explain myself."

"It's all right. You don't have to."

"But I…"

"Really, I understand."

"No, I…"

"You haven't done anything wrong, Miss Tonks. Anyway, I have to…"

"Bugger Remus! Could you just stop being so polite and let me finish?!"

Tonks had no intention to explode like that. But at least she managed to get his attention. They stopped for a moment and looked at each other. She tried to keep a serious face so that she didn't come out as infantile. Lupin, on the other hand, looked at her with calm and understanding.

"The sculptures in the Hall of Prophecies," she took a deep breath, "they were made of real silver. I thought… I thought you could hurt yourself, and that's why I pushed you away."

For a moment, he looked like he didn't understand what she said to him. Lupin was staring at her intensely. One of his eyebrows rose. Just like he was wondering about something. Suddenly his eyes lit up.

"Oh. I see," and then his half-smile appeared again. "Anyway, I really have to go now. It was nice to meet you, Ms Tonks and I hope to see you at an Order meeting. Have a good day!"

Tonks watched him turn and disappear down a Muggle street. She never had so many awkward moments with someone in just one day. And her instincts still couldn't tell her how to best deal with Lupin.

This half-smile... What on Merlin's beard did it mean? It made her completely perplexed. And she wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Tonks had to admit that the tall wizard made her feel addled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I decided on a longer chapter after all 😂 Merlin, I hope it's not boring!
> 
> And I'm apologizing for the delay 😞 Who could have foreseen that a longer chapter would require more time for editing? Well, nobody, absolutely nobody.
> 
> Please let me know what you think about Tonks POV. I know the idea with silver is not original. I tried to come up with something better, but I failed.
> 
> Thank you and I already wish you all a Happy Christmas!! 🎁🎄🎅
> 
> P.S. Characters and Harry Potter still belongs to J.K.Rowling


	6. Childhood home

Sirius, 27.06.1995

Of all four Marauders, Sirius was the last to learn the Patronus spell. Even Peter was faster (though he never made it to conjure a corporeal Patronus). Therefore, Black never forgot the memory that made him successfully conjure a Patronus for the first time. The memory of his first dinner at the Potter Manor.

_It took place on January 1, 1976. Merely a few hours after Sirius ran away from home. He woke up a little sore with James, Remus and Peter by his bedside. The first two spend New Year's Eve together with their families at the McKinnon's Manor, and Peter flooed over after he read in a letter what has happened. Sirius was very embarrassed._

_Black never spoke to anyone about what was happening in his house. He made that mistake only once. And it was in the first week of school when sobbing sounds were coming from Peter's bed. Remus asked him if he was all right, and then Peter burst into tears. Everyone started comforting him, even Sirius because the noise made him unable to sleep. But nothing helped. Finally, Black couldn't stand it and suggested to lock Peter in the broom cupboard for the whole night._

_James and Remus looked at him in horror. Sirius didn't understand why they were so surprised. He told them that his mom did that to him and Regulus when one of them cried and that it always worked. Remus asked him if this was a joke. Sirius denied it and explained that it was normal to punish someone for showing weakness. Then James said one awful sentence, "No, Sirius, that's not normal."_

_His friends looked at him with pity, and he felt deeply ashamed. Since then, Sirius avoided saying anything about his parents. The Marauders, of course, knew that he hated his family, that he considered them a bunch of liars, prejudiced idiots, and hateful snobs. But they didn't know what his family life looked like, although they must have guessed some._

_But now they didn't have to guess anymore. Everything was evident. And no one knew what to say. Sirius had never been so ashamed in his life._

_He slept through breakfast, but he wasn't hungry. However, Euphemia Potter insisted on him having dinner with them. So all Marauders went down to the Potter's dining room. The atmosphere was tense, and Sirius, apart from shame, began to feel fear. He had no idea what would happen to him now. All he knew was that he would never go back home. But where was he supposed to live now? Will the Potters let him stay here for a while?_

_But as it turned out, he didn't have to wait long for an answer to these questions._

_"Before we start eating, I want to make three things clear," said Euphemia while sitting down at the table._

_"First, what happened yesterday belongs to Sirius. It's his experience, and that means that only he can decide if, with who and when he wants to talk about it. In other words, boys, don't put pressure on him, don't take pity on him, and treat him normally. I know that I need to tell you about discretion._

_Second, Sirius, you can stay in this house as long as you like. You can treat it as your new home._

_And finally, I want you to know one thing, Sirius," Euphemia looked at him as if she would just make a vow. "You'll never have to go back home again."_

But as with so many other things in his life, it didn't work out.

He was standing with Remus on the porch, staring at the door. Moony looked around every now and then to make sure no one was watching them. Standing like this could be dangerous, they were too much on display, and Sirius was well aware of it. Still, he was grateful to Remus for not rushing him.

"Whenever you're ready Padfoot."

Sirius wouldn't be ready for this even in a few years, but the Order needed a new Headquarters. So, he took a deep breath and grabbed the doorknob. At least this time his lousy parents won't be there. His mother died while he was in Azkaban, and his father and brother even earlier. 

As soon as he opened the door, a swarm of doxies flew out at them. Well, it could be worse. He gave Moonie a quick look and, keeping his wand ready, stepped inside.

The first thing he noticed was a horrible musty smell. After a while, he also saw that the whole house was covered in complete darkness. There was no source of light. They used their wands to enlighten the way, but it didn't help much. 

As Sirius moved forward, he was catching cobwebs that were sticking to his hair. And at one point, a piece of wallpaper fell on him from the wall. It was so unexpected that he sharply leapt aside and almost ran into Remus, who missed him at the last minute. Then Moony took a few steps forward, tripped over a troll-leg umbrella stand and suddenly found himself on the ground.

But the crash of his fall, and even his stutter in pain, was nothing, with the horrible screams that began to come from the end of the hall.

"WHO DARES TO DISTURB THE PEACE OF MY ANCESTRAL HOME? IT BELONGS TO THE NOBEL AND ANCIENT HOUS OF BLACK, AND ONLY A REAL BLACK CAN ENTER IT!"

Sirius had no idea how was it possible that he heard his mother's voice. But as he approached the source of the screams, he saw that they came from a portrait.

He had to admit that it was a relatively good painting. It perfectly captured his mother's haggish nature. However, Sirius had never seen it before. Judging by the black cap on her head, it must have been painted after Regulus and Orion died.

"Nice portrait, mother. But I'm afraid it doesn't match the décor anymore. Best to take it off."

He grabbed the painting by the frame and tried to pull it off the wall. Unfortunately, it didn't budge. She had to use a Permanent Sticking Charm. 

_Old bag._

"YOU?! THE SHAME OF MY FLASH? SHOULDN'T YOU BE ROTTING IN AZKABAN NOW?"

"Good to see you too," he said without looking at her. "Moony, please help me out."

"MODBLOOD IN MY FATHERS HOUS? HOW DARE YOU?! GET OUT OF HERE, GET OUT!"

"I think we should use the curtains."

Only then did Sirius notice the velvet, moth-eaten curtains on the sides. The curtains were not cooperative either, but at least they moved (although it required a lot of force). When they almost managed to cover the painting, Black felt that something grab his leg.

"No! Leave my poor mistress! Don't touch my mistress!"

Sirius saw a little creature with layers of skin hanging from it, and white hair sprouting from its large ears. Black recognised him immediately, although he was surprised that the old house-elf was still alive.

"Leave my leg Kreacher!"

"NO! Kreacher must protect his mistress."

"I said, leave my leg!" He shook his leg powerfully, causing the elf to fall to the ground. Meanwhile, Remus managed to close the curtains, and the hallway was quiet again. "I'm your master now."

"My master?"

In the light of the wand, Sirius could see Kreacher's bloodshot eyes. He probably hadn't seen sunlight in a long time.

"My master," he repeated this time as if accepting the fact, "master broke his mother's heart. Kreacher wonders why the mistress left him an inheritance. Master was always a disappointment…"

"Nobody asked for your opinion. Now turn on the lights and open the windows. You can't see anything here."

It took him a while - either out of old age or out of reluctance - but in the end, the house elf snapped his fingers, and the corridor got bright. Sirius felt a pat on his back. But he didn't need Remus' sympathy right now. He was angry because Kreacher had a point. During her lifetime, his mother told him on numerous occasions that he was her biggest failure. And after he ran away, she disowned him. So why did she leave him the house and all other property?

They went to the dining room. Sirius had never seen such a mess in this house. There were tones of plates with food scraps in their last stages of disintegration. The smell of rot made him sick.

_During the years he lived all alone_ , _the old elf made a big mess here, was his first thought._

But then Sirius realised something.

On the table stood a collection of empty bottles of his mother's favourite wine. The large mirror on the wall was covered with an old sheet. Next to it was a smudge of a splattered drink and underneath were broken pieces of glass. Used handkerchiefs covered the floor. Women's clothes were strewn here and there.

"Kreacher, did my mother tell you not to clean up?"

"Mistress told Kreacher to leave it. Kreacher didn't move anything."

Suddenly Sirius saw his mother sitting lonely in this dark dining room. 

How she tried to avoid her reflection in the mirror. 

How she was throwing a half-drunk bottle of wine against the wall. 

How she smacked in handkerchiefs and tossed them behind her. 

How she didn't care what she ate or what she looked like.

_Old bag._

"Wash the dishes," he ordered, trying to erase the image of Walburga Black from his head, "come Moony! There is nothing interesting here. Let's check the bedrooms upstairs."

Black began to climb up the stairs. He and Moony gave a cursory look at all the rooms on each floor, except for the first-floor drawing-room. There was the tapestry of his family tree, which he chose to ignore for now.

The house was in a worse condition than he thought. Fortunately, they only encountered on house pests, not some dark magic spells or traps. Every now and then they found doxies, bats, spiders and even some ghouls. Also, they could hear sounds of boggarts coming out of several pieces of furniture. 

Nevertheless, it took them practically a full day to go through the entire house. When they finally got to the fourth floor, it was already dark outside.

"Now I understand why you never invited us over," said Remus as he climbed up the last steps.

But Sirius didn't listen to him, not really. His hand was on the doorknob of his old room. He wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to go in there. On the other hand, it was the only room in this horrible house that he endured. At least a little.

_They didn't change anything,_ he thought when he finally stepped inside.

Everything was just as he left it: Gryffindor colours, posters, a picture of the Marauders and even the bathroom towel was still hanging on the chair. Moony searched the room to see if there was any threat. After a while, Padfoot realised that his friend was talking to him.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"I only said that this is a nice change of colours," and as he spoke a wrinkle appeared on his forehead. Sirius knew that wrinkle. He had seen it many, many times. It was the 'I'm worried' wrinkle.

"I think we should get some rest. We can come back here early in the morning and continue."

"You go, I will stay here for the night. I'll drop by for breakfast in the morning and then we'll transport Buckbeak here together."

"Are you sure, Padfoot? I don't think that's…"

"Yes, I'm sure." And when the wrinkle did not disappear from Remus' forehead, he added, "Really. I have to get used to sleeping without the sound of your snoring anyway."

"All right. But please remember that you can come back anytime. Have a good night Sirius and see you tomorrow."

Remus was going down the stairs extremely slowly as if he wanted to give Sirius a chance to change his mind. When the sound of footsteps finally died away, Sirius threw himself on his bed. A wave of dust rose above him, making him sneeze.

He felt both relieved and surprised about the fact that his parents left the room untouched. He was pretty sure that after his escape, they would destroy everything he left behind. _Really, why didn't they?_ After all, that's exactly what Andromeda's parents did.

_Andromeda._

Sirius still remembered very well the day his cousin eloped. It was a turning point for the eleven-year-old he was back then.

_"I'm telling you, this whole Jenkins can't handle anything at all. She's sabotaging herself. It's only a matter of time before she quits."_

_"I can't believe that she even considered discussing something so ridicules as Squib Rights. The Ministry has really gone to the dogs since we allowed this Mudblood Leach to become Minister of Magic."_

_Discussions like these happened every time the entire Black family got together. And such meetings took place always on the first Sunday of the month, in one of the family homes. This time they met at Cygnus and Druella's house._

_It was early July 1971, and Sirius was eagerly awaiting his Hogwarts acceptance letter. He usually hated those family gatherings, but this time he was looking forward to seeing Andromeda. He always liked talking to her. She never tried to get rid of him when he asked too many questions. Andromeda never got angry, raised her voice, or tattled on him to his parents. And this time Sirius had particularly many questions for her about school._

_But unfortunately, she seemed to be absent the whole evening. During dinner, he repeatedly failed to make eye contact with her. Andromeda kept her gaze fixed on the plate. She was shifting the food back and forth with her fork, her mind apparently somewhere else. Until suddenly, something in the discussion at the table interested her._

_"Actually, what did Leach do that was so bad," she asked with sincere curiosity, "except, of course, being a Muggle-born?"_

_There was a hollow silence around the table. Sirius saw a whole range of facial expressions expressing displeasure on the faces of his relatives. At the age of only eleven, he already knew that this family did not ask such questions. Although he would like to know the answer himself._

_"What more do you need sister? I think this reason is good enough."_

_It was Bellatrix who finally answered. The black-haired witch was stroking her left forearm with her hand. During the meal, she had made this gesture several times before. Nonetheless, when someone asked her about it, she avoided answering as if it was a great mystery._

_"No, you right."_

_And if Andromeda had left it like this, most family members would probably have forgotten her faux-pas or at least kept it quiet. They would consider it mere curiosity, not rebellion. Everything would be the same as always. Only that she didn't leave it like that._

_"Indeed, it is a big crime to be Muggle-born. Considering how much he could influence it, right, Bella? He might just not have been born. Then there would be no problem."_

_Sirius felt how Regulus grab his hand under the table. The older brother, too, was filled with fear in the tense atmosphere. Did Andy had a death wish or something?_

_"Andromeda!" Aunt Druella spoke up, "You know perfectly well that this is not the point. It's obviously not his fault he's Muggle-born. The point is that people like him should not be in such high positions."_

_"Why not?"_

_"You know why."_

_"No mother, I'm afraid I really don't know."_

_"Don't play dumb,"_ _Bellatrix interrupted sharply, "Mudbloods do not deserve magic. Let alone some position in the wizarding world."_

_"They barely know how to hold a wand in hand."_

_"Don't forget, these are creatures of dirt."_

_"Lower breeding."_

_"They can do less significant work or replace house-elves. But they are not suitable for a job in the Ministry."_

_Almost every present adult began to give some reason. At some point, they stopped answering Andromeda's question and began to unwittingly recite slogans they repeated for years. Sirius sat silently, squeezing his brother's hand for reassurance. He watched Andy attentively. Her jaw was shaking with anger. Her hands clenched into fists. She gently shook her head as if not believing what she was hearing._

_"That's just how it's."_

_"So basically," Andromeda spoke again trying not to look at anyone, "we are only better because we are born pure-bloods?"_

_"For Merlin's sake, Andromeda! What's gotten into you? Mudbloods are scum! A plague. Worse than vermin. They don't deserve to use magic. They don't disserve to…_

_"To what, Bella? Hmm? Perhaps you wanted to say, 'to live'? I bet you wouldn't mind exterminating all Muggle-borns, would you? After all, that's why you made this mark on your hand."_

_Both sisters rose from their chairs. They were ready to pull their wands at any moment._

_"That's enough," Cygnus interrupted them. Sirius' uncle hasn't spoken so far. He pretended to be calm, but the flush on his cheeks gave him away. "Bellatrix sit down. Andromeda, go to your room. And don't even try to argue."_

_Sirius breathed a sigh of relief as his cousin left the dining room without resisting. However, a second before she disappeared out the door, she looked at him and smiled in a very strange way._

_"I'm sorry about her. Usually, she doesn't behave that way."_

_"Don't worry, love,"_ _Walburga said, barely concealing her satisfaction with her sister-in-law's pedagogical failure, "she's probably stressed out about the upcoming engagement._ _Is everything ready for the big day?"_

_Sirius ignored them. Instead, he continued to wonder about the meaning of Andromeda's smile. The boy thought that his cousin looked pleased. But given the circumstances, that was hardly possible. Unless..._

_"I have to use the bathroom."_

_Before anyone could stop him, Sirius left the dining rooms and headed for the stairs. Of course, he wasn't going to go to the bathroom, but Andy's room._

_If his assumptions were correct, then his cousin caused a row deliberately to be able to return to her room. The only question was why. So, when he arrived, he did not open the door right away but began eavesdropping._

_"You are absolutely sure you want this, Dromeda?" said a male voice that Sirius had never heard before, "I love you, but I don't want to force you to do anything. It's your family, after all."_

_"I've never been so sure of anything before,Ted. I told you a million times, I don't care about my family. It's just a pity that I didn't manage to say goodbye to Sirius and Regulus."_

_Hearing the last sentence, Sirius decided to go inside. He forgot to knock first, which he quickly regretted. A petrifying spell passed just over his head. Next to Andromeda stood a young, blond-haired man, holding a wand pointed at his direction._

_"Sirius!" Andromeda shouted as she approached him. She grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside. Then she made sure that none of the adults heard the sound of the spell and slid the door behind her._

_"O! I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you?"_ a _sked the young man, visibly worried._

_"Who are you?"_

_"Sirius, this is Edward Tonks,"_ _Andromeda introduced, looking tenderly at the blonde-haired man_ _and grabbing his hand, "he is my fiancé."_

_"Fiancé? I thought you were supposed to marry Rabastan Lestrange."_

_Andy and Ted looked at each other. After a while, a tender smile appeared on their faces. Sirius had to admit that he had never seen Andy happier._

_"Yes, but I don't want to marry Rabastan. I want to marry Ted."_

_Then Sirius noticed that she was holding a travelling coat and a suitcase was standing beside her leg. He slowly began to understand what was happening._

" _Are you eloping?"_

_"Yes."_

_"But… but why? Can't you just talk to your parents?"_

_"They will never agree to this."_

_"Why? Maybe Narcissa could marry Rabstan, then there would be no problems with the Lestranges."_

_"I'm afraid that Dromedas parents will never be able to accept me,"_ _Ted said with clear regret in his voice, "I'm a Muggle-born."_

_Sirius looked at Ted fearfully. He had never seen a Muggle-born before. He only heard about them from his parents. The boy was convinced that Muggle-borns looked different than pure-bloods. That they can be distinguished at first glance. Or smell. Everyone said that Muggle-borns were creatures of dirt, so Sirius assumed they must stink awfully._

_Meanwhile, Ted looked and smelled like a normal wizard. Besides, if Sirius had the height of an adult, this spell cast by the blonde wizard would surely hit him. Meanwhile, he had always heard that Muggle-borns couldn't even hold their wand properly._

_But however normal Ted seemed to be, that didn't change the fact that he was a Muggle-born. Andy was right, their family would never allow her to marry him._

_"You can't do it. They will disown you. Just like Cedrella or Phineas."_

_"I'm aware of that. And I don't care."_

_"But…"_

_All his life, Sirius had heard that without his family he would be nothing. That everything he has is due to binge a Black. That he will never achieve anything by himself. So, how could Andy voluntarily give up on that for a Muggle-born? It didn't make any sense._

_"Listen, Sirius, I have to tell you something very important," she said, putting her hands on his shoulders, "you were always my favourite cousin. Do you know why? Because you didn't just accept everything you were told, you questioned it. And you quickly learned that it's better to ask me than your parents. I admit I was a little annoyed whit it at the beginning. But then I started to think. Merlin, Sirius! You made me start to think for myself! And that is exactly what you have to do for the rest of your life."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I mean that we don't have to be like our parents. You can decide for yourself who you want to be friends with and who you want to love. It's all up to you."_

_"But my parents…"_

_"I know."_

_Right. He didn't have to explain it to Andromeda. She knew._

_Everyone had expectations of the male heir of the Black family. He had to have perfect manners, be familiar with the constellations, play the piano, dance. And most importantly, he had to respect family traditions, including the one about blood purity. His life was planned well in advance and with details. The whole family was looking at him and Walburga to ensure the young heir would grow up exactly as they wanted it to._

_Initially, Sirius really wanted to fulfil everyone's expectations. He tried so hard to be the perfect son that Walburga wanted. Unfortunately, in the end, he always did something wrong or asked too many questions._

_And his mother loved to remind him of all his mistakes. She criticised, slandered and embarrassed him, apparently, for his own good._

_Insults were commonplace. But there were also corporal punishments. For example, putting a burning hot wand on the skin. Or locking him in the broom closet for a few hours. Apparently, he wasn't grateful for what he had._

_And Orion never really cared about his sons. He was uninterested, showed no feelings. And he certainly did not interfere with his wife's parenting methods._

_"Look Sirius, I'm not asking you to leave our family. I'm only asking you to keep an open mind. Please, don't listen only to the thing your parents said. You soon will go to Hogwarts, and you will meet wizards from different families, with different views. And I'm absolutely sure that you are smart and brave enough, to make your own decisions."_

_The eleven-year-old did not quite understand what his cousin had asked him to do. Over the next few days, he repeated her words in his mind, and he slowly began to understand their meaning. But at that point, he was only able to nod in agreement._

_Andromeda gave him a big goodbye hug. Sirius knew there was no point in stopping her and that this was the final farewell. Ted held out a hand to him. After a moment's hesitation, he shook it._

_His cousin put on her coat and grabbed the suitcase. Together, the couple touched an old wrench that turned out to be a Portkey._ _In the next second, they were gone._

Without a doubt, it was thanks to Andromeda that Sirius stood on this side of the conflict. That he was a member of the Order, not a Death Eater. And he will be eternally grateful to her for that.

Therefore, he swore to himself that he would do anything to protect her daughter.

* * *

He woke up by his own scream. It was the middle of the night, and he didn't remember his dream. But he hadn't woken up like this in a long time. All wet with his own sweat. Shaking.

It got even worse when he remembered where he was. There was no way he would fall asleep again. At least not without help.

Sirius went down to the third floor into his mother's bedroom. He remembered that Walburga always had a bottle or two of Dreamless Sleeping Potion in her nightstand. But when he got there, he found at least a dozen empty little bottles. He couldn't find even one flacon of the potion.

But instead, he found something else. Apparently, Sleep Potions weren't enough for Walburga anymore. Around her bed was another impressive collection of her favourite wine. And there were also a few full bottles.

Black took two bottles in each hand and returned to his room. He got back to his bed and began to drink. Sirius hadn't planned on drinking all four bottles at once. But somehow it just happened.

He ate almost nothing today, so he quickly began to see images from the past and feel the touch from many years ago. He knew it was just delirium after the alcohol, but he didn't want them to end. So, he kept drinking.

_"It's alright Sirius. It's just a bad dream. You are alright."_

_A woman's voice came from somewhere in the darkness, and he felt someone stroking his hair. After a while, he realised what had happened. He had a nightmare. And standing next to him was Marlena McKinnon. Wearing only a white nightdress. Bad. Very bad._

_"What are you doing here?!"_

_"I heard you screaming," Marlene took a step away from his bed. His fierce reaction surprised her, "I came to check on you."_

_"Nobody asked you to do that. Now get out!"_

_He didn't even feel guilty for shouting at her. She shouldn't be here. She should never have seen him like this. Why was she even here? Why is she not leaving, but standing paralysed?_

_"I SAID, GET OUT!"_

_It worked. She ran away from his room as if an Inferius had been chasing her. He sat down on the bed, hiding his head in his hands. But his emotions had yet to subside when his bedroom door opened again. Marlene entered with her head held high, and her teeth gritted._

_"What did you not understand in the sentence 'get out', McKinnon?! Merlin! Get the fuck out of here, now! I do not want to see you!"_

_"No."_

_"What did you just say?"_

_"No." She repeated calmly. "I won't let you be alone right now."_

_Sirius walked a few steps up to her. He tried to pour all his anger into his gaze. Usually, it was enough to ward off a few Slytherins. The more he was surprised that on the always timid Marlene it didn't make any impression._

_"I'm not afraid of you, Black."_

_He continued to look at her with that gaze. But he didn't last long. There were just a few inches between them. Her blue eyes were staring at him. Confident, as if they would challenge him. She tried to keep a calm face, but the rest of her body was shaking, and he could hear her deep breathing._

_"Oh yeah? Then why are you shivering like you would just saw a Boggart?"_

_For a moment, there was only silence. Time stopped. It was a lie. She was afraid of him. And finally, Sirius started to feel embraced about what he has just done. They decided to become friends only two weeks ago. Also, after he pulls on her his frustration, after he scared her. And just like the last time, she didn't get angry at him. She didn't attack, jelled or even run away. That would be a reaction Sirius would expect. But Marlene never did something he could expect. She reminded there, scared but calm. And after her body relaxed and a mischievous smiled appeared on her face, he knew that she overcome her fears._

_"Because I'm cold," she told him and went to his bed. She laid down and covered under a duvet._

_"What do you think you doing?"_

_"I'm cold so, I get under the duvet."_

_"Can't you just go back to your room?"_

_"I will. But first, I will make sure that you fall asleep again."_

_"I don't think this is a good idea."_

_"Blimey, Sirius Black afraid to share a bed with a girl. Can't wait to tell James and Remus about it."_

_"James can never find out that you even cross the threshold of my bedroom! Don't ever mention it to him," he warned her with a panic voice. "As I said, this is a bad idea. You should really go back to the attic."_

_"Why are you so afraid of James finding out?"_

_From the look on her face, he realised that it probably wasn't the best idea, to bring James into this conversation. There were things, which Marlene better never find out about._

_"Did James told you something about me?"_

_Of course not."_

_She raised one eyebrow. Hands crossed._

_"Listen, McKinnon, we are friends, right? You proposed it yourself just a few weeks ago. And friends don't share beds. Some people could get the wrong idea if they would find out about it."_

_"He told you not to sleep with me, am I right?"_

_It was the first time Sirius would see Marlene getting angary. And even if it was a quiet cute view, he knew there was no point in arguing. He began to understand that Marlene McKinnon could be very stubborn if she wanted to._

_"Well, to be exact, he told me I shouldn't even dare to touch you with a finger."_

_"I can't believe he did this! When did he tell you that?"_

_"In the sixth year. And he reminded me as soon as he found out that you were moving in with me."_

_"What?! Who does he think he is? I have been able to take care of myself perfectly for a long time. And I certainly can resist a skirt chaser like you."_

_"Ouch! You know, this skirt chaser also has feelings. Anyway, you can discuss it all with James tomorrow. Now go back to your room."_

_"No. I will stay till you fall asleep."_

_"Merlin, McKinnon, why do you care so much about it?"_

_"We agreed to be friends. And friends care about each other."_

_"But don't you honestly think that this is a little weird?"_

S _uddenly her face change. She looked sadder, more lost in thoughts. It took a while till she spooks up again._

_"When I was little, and I had a nightmare, my dad used to lie down next to me. And he always stayed as long as I don't fall asleep again. He used to say that it was impossible to have a bad dream if you knew that someone who cares about you, was next to you."_

_Now it made sense._

_So, that is why she was so eager to stay here. Sirius understand it now. And looking at her pitiful appearance, he couldn't fight her anymore. He went to his bed and very carefully lied down on the other side of her._

_Also, maybe there was a point in what she said. His nightmares appeared only when he was sleeping alone. That was one reason why he started to sleepover by a nice girl he met in the bar or invited one over to his. However, they usually did other things than just lying next to each other. Things, he could definitely not do with Marlene._

_His imagination was quicker than his rational thinking. He couldn't stop it. He couldn't erase it. There were at least three feet between him and the blond witch, but he could feel his body heat raising anyway. And his blood went to a certain place which it shouldn't go at this very moment. He had to think quickly about something else than the fact that he was lying next to the girl with the reddest lips in the world, dressed only in a nightdress._

_Especially because she was sad from thinking about her dead father. If Magnus McKinnon would still be alive and know Sirius's thoughts about his daughter, he would kill him. Although, Sirius always got the feeling, that Magnus liked him._

_"Your father was a great man." He finally managed to say._

_"Yes, he was."_

_"He was also a member of the Order, right?"_

_"Yes."_

_Sirius couldn't find anything else to say. When his blood got back to his brain, he realised that this was probably not the best topic to talk about. He thought that would be the end of the conversation, but then she continued, "He died during a mission for Dumbledore. Just like my aunt Carmenta and my grandmother Aurelia before."_

_Sirius quickly added one to one._

_"And now you have taken over this mission?"_

_"That's right."_

" _Couldn't someone else in your family take it over? You have like at least a dozenth cousins. Can't Marcus do that? He is one of the smartest wizards out there. Or Rosalie? She loves adventures. And as far as I know, Dorcas is also your cousin and was already a member of the Order before you."_

_"Yes, they would be probably a better choice. I know. But they can't. They don't like me."_

_"Oh…Is that why Dumbledore agree to let you drop school?"_

_"Yes, although I still had to convince him to do so. But I would have done it even if he hadn't let me. I couldn't sit buried in books anymore. And I didn't need my diploma anyway. I am not fit to be a healer like the rest of my family."_

_"No offence Marlene," he said hesitantly, "but you also not a fighter."_

_He probably shouldn't say it, but it was true. And her silent told him that she was also aware of it. Marlene was a very talented witch, but not in terms of defence against the dark magic. She couldn't even conjure an incorporeal Patronus._

_Sirius had no idea, what was her mission about. He only knew that she hasn't started working on it yet. Dumbledore organised for Marlene a special training with Moody. She could begin only when the Auror would consider her as ready. Remus was also tutoring her a little. But in Sirius' opinion, Marlene will never be ready for this. She would probably die right away. She was too delicate for war._

_"Sirius," she asked after a while, "have you dreamed about your mother?"_

_"No, why should I."_

_His nightmares were always about his mother. Sometimes also about Regulus or his father. However, he didn't want to admit to Marlene that a grown man has nightmares because of his mummy. It was embarrassing enough that she knew that he had nightmares at all._

_"I sometimes have nightmares about your mother."_

_"What?" he could hardly refrain from laughing. "How come? You barely even know her."_

_"Do you remember the evening when I found you on the Potter's porch?"_

_Yes, Marlene was the one that found him lying barely alive on the Potter's porch after he ran away from home. How could he ever forget about that?_

_"I do."_

_"Everyone in my family is a healer. St Mungo's was practically my second home. I know how a person tortured with the Cruciatus Curse looks like."_

_He had suspected this before, but deep-down Sirius hoped Marlena didn't know about it. Only a few people knew exactly what happened that evening. He was ashamed. He didn't want her sympathy._

_"I was the one that broke your mother's wand on Kings Cross."_

_"Waite, what? You did that?"_

_"Yes."_

_It was impossible not to notice the proud sound of her voice. No wonder. This was amazing._

_After the holidays during which he ran away, Sirius was honestly a little scared to meet his mother again. And he knew she would be there to see Regulus off. Fortunately, she decided to pretend she didn't know him. Her ignorance - involuntarily - made him angry. But that was over almost immediately when James told him to look out the train window._

_The train was still at the station, but it was due to depart in less than five minutes. James was pointing at Walburga. Sirius's mother was so upset with something she completely forgot that she was in a public place. She was yelling at a station employee and even started to saliva._

_Sirius didn't have to think long about what had happened there. The evidence was lying on the ground. Right next to Walburga's leg was her wand, broken into three pieces. There was no way to fix it._

_Walburga demanded from the station employee to find the offender of this act. But any rational wizard knew it was impossible if the perpetrator was not caught red-handed. Sirius wondered for years who could have done this. James was too impatient, Remus too serious, and Peter was just too stupid for that. But still, Marlena was the last person from who he would expect this._

_"That was amazing. I mean, have you seen her face?"_

"Yes, I know!"

" _As a Marauder, I'm really impressed. I didn't know you had a knack for mischief-making, McKinnon."_

_"You don't know a lot about me yet, Black."_

_"Apparently."_

_They burst out laughing, remembering Walburga's furious face._ _Sirius rolled over to look at that beautiful witch, which did probably the best prank he ever heard about. He was grateful to Marlene for what she did. There was only one thing that puzzled him._

_"Why did you do that?"_

_She rolled over too, and they looked each other straight in the eye. Her face was serious and proud. And Sirius never adored her red lips as much as at the moment, when she that simple sentence._

_"Because that bitch deserved it."_

* * *

The doorbell rang through the house. It was followed by screams from Walburga's portrait. To Sirius, it seemed like someone would replanting young Mandrakes in his room. Plus, he had a terrible headache. That's why he always preferred firewhisky to wine.

"SIRIUS!"

He heard his name between his mother's screams. Sirius was furious that someone was waking him up in the middle of the night. He looked at his watch and realised that it was almost noon. He overslept for breakfast with Remus.

"Sirius, are you there?!"

Another bell sound and even louder screams from his mother. Black started running down the stairs, bouncing from wall to wall. He finally made it downstairs and opened the door to a very worried Remus.

"Merlin, Sirius! Why didn't you show up for breakfast? I was afraid you were dead. Or that they caught you and locked you up in Azkaban again."

They began to cover the portrait of Walburga. When it got quiet again, Sirius collapsed to the ground. He was sick. He felt the contents of his stomach rise. There was no way he would get to the bathroom in time. He honked in the middle of the corridor. Moony handed him a handkerchief to wipe his mouth with.

"How much have you drunk last night?"

"Four bottles."

"Four?" 

The 'I'm worried' wrinkle reappeared on his forehead.

"That's quite a lot, even for you. We are not twenty anymore, you know? What happened?"

Sirius began to remember the events of yesterday evening. He remembered his nightmare, then the hallucination. A scene from the past that had haunted him. He felt his heart torn to shreds. And this house. Cold and empty.

How was he supposed to live here? Black realised that he had made a mistake. He was not ready to live in this house again. And certainly not alone. At the same time, he knew he had to do it for Harry. There were literally only three people left in his life who were important to Sirius and who were present in his life.

Harry, Tonks and Remus.

"Moony, I know that you have your own home," he started talking before he even realised what he wanted to ask his friend, the words pressed themselves on his lips, "but would you mind moving in with me? I don't think I can live here alone."

"Of course, Padfoot," Remus sat down next to him and patted his back, "I will move in with you. For as long as you will need me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello 😊
> 
> thank you, very, very much for the warmly welcoming of the previous chapter! Now I'm not so afraid to post a rather long chapter again 😉
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this one. It's a 'Sirius chapter' but I see it as actually more concentrated on women. Walburga was for me always an interesting character. She is obviously not a good person, but I can't see her as completely evil either. I think that she loved both Sirius and Regulus and in her mind, she really did the best for her children. And in the end, she was just completely alone.
> 
> However, I love the fact that I made Marlene broke Walburga's wand. We don't know much about Marlene from canon, so I can do almost everything with her character. But it comes with the risk to create a Mary Sue. I'm trying not to idealise her [(really) with an emphasis on trying], but I like the idea with the wand so much, that I couldn't resist. 
> 
> And I think there is no need to explain, why Andromeda is absolutely awesome!
> 
> Thank you again for reading and commenting. And I want to wish you all a happy new year! 2020 was awful and we all know it. And I'm sure that the beginning of 2021 won't be easy either. However, I'm optimistic and hope that 2021 will bring us all some happiness! 🎉🎆🍾
> 
> See you next year!
> 
> Nicole
> 
> P.S. I created a family tree for the McKinnon family, would you like me to post it on tumbler perhaps?


	7. He said it

**Tonks, 02.07.1995**

Tonks's holidays had passed impressively fast. And to be honest, she didn't feel any more rested after them—quite the opposite.

She spent most of her time planning Tulip's wedding, but fortunately, they managed to take care of everything urgent. And deep, deep, deeeep inside, Tonks had to admit, that she enjoyed picking Tulip's wedding dress. But maybe it just had something to do with the free champagne.

She also had _the conversation_ with Penny regarding her move out. They both ended up hugging and crying on the couch.

On Saturday, she visited her parents. Usually, Tonks liked to spend time with them. Only this time she had to hide from her mother that she joined the Order of the Phoenix and met her - apparently innocent – cousin, Sirius Black.

Andromeda could always tell when something was wrong with her daughter. Sometimes it was even spooky. So of course, that day she quickly noticed it too and began to question her.

Tonks chose the lesser of two evils and told her parents about Penny moving in with her boyfriend. This ended up with Ted joking about her culinary skills and then suggesting that she should move back to them. While Andromeda started interrogating Tonks about when she would finally find a boyfriend.

As for the Order businesses, well, after the one mission with Lupin, she was on two others. Once with Kingsley and once with Emmeline Vance. Both successful and without any surprises. Obviously, a report had to be written for Moody after each. And today, she was supposed to meet with her mentor to discuss her work so far.

Though she missed Mad-Eye, Tonks would rather go on a date with a gnome than to this meeting. She had no idea what to prepare for. Her first mission was a disaster. She recreated it in her mind several times, and still couldn't believe her own incompetence. How could she be so stupid? She attacked her partner! Something like this should never happen.

And that strange half-smile from Lupine. What was that supposed to mean? What could he have written in this report?

Mad-Eye will talk with her about this for sure and he will demand an explanation.

But unfortunately, Tonks had no god explanation.

She came to his house perfectly on time. They asked each other security questions, and after a while, she was standing in his guest room.

"I'll put the kettle on. Sit down, lass."

Tonks sat down at the desk where he usually received her. She felt a heavy weight in her stomach. Her left leg was stamping nervously.

After a while, Moody returned and threw three folders on the desk. The pink-haired witch looked at the one with the date 25th June with slight fear.

Mad-Eye watched her for a while, saying nothing. She swallowed hard. Tonks felt his magic eye scanning her. She wanted to lower...

"Good job."

...her head but held back.

_Wait. Did he just say...?_

_No! Impossible_. Tonks was sure she heard it wrong. She looked into Moody's normal eye but couldn't read anything from it.

"What? Could you repeat that, please?"

"You heard the first time."

Tonks felt her jaw drop. Praise from Moody was rarer than good weather in Wales. So far, he has only twice expressed satisfaction with her work. All in all, she should be happy about it. But on the other hand, she was even more curious about what Lupin had written in his report.

"Can I have a look at…"

"No," Moody swat her outstretched fingers. At the same time, a kettle whistling started coming from the kitchen, "Be right back."

Mad-Eye disappeared behind the door, and Tonks was left alone with the folders at arm's length. She could have sworn that suddenly the whole room was dark and a beam of light fell on only this one file, wrapping it in a mystical glow.

Tonks glanced into the kitchen to make sure Moody was busy making tea. When she was certain her mentor was preoccupied with something else, she extended her hand toward the report.

"Better wizards than you tried to rob me, you know? Nice try, lass!"

Actually, she could have expected that. It was naive to think that his magic eye wasn't focused on her all the time.

"And has anyone succeeded yet?" asked Tonks, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Only one. But you are still very far from that league."

Mad-Eye returned to the room, a tray with a teapot and two teacups levitated next to him. He sat down at the desk again, and the aroma of strawberries wafted through the room. Moody poured half a cup of tea into both cups and then added firewhiskey to them.

"Who exactly was so crazy to rob you?"

"None of your business. Here is your tea. Now tell me why you want to read Lupin's report so badly?"

"I dunno. I was just curious, that's all."

They watched each other. Tonks tried to look as neutral and uninterested as possible. She felt as if Moody saw right through her, but then he did the most unexpected thing in the world.

With one hand, he slid Lupin's report in her direction. Tonks wasn't sure what that meant. Maybe it was some form of a test? Then Mad-Eye made a hand motion urging her to read it.

Tonks grabbed the report greedily and started reading it right away. It was written in a neat and nice handwriting. The words were chosen very precisely, without unnecessary details, but with all the essential facts. After the first two paragraphs, she decided to go straight to the part that interested her the most.

Only she couldn't find it.

So she read the whole thing from the beginning, and it turned out that this part simply wasn't in the report. He described the entire incident as if one of the Death Eaters overwhelmed him.

Lupine didn't mention that she attacked him. He concealed it.

"And? Something's wrong with the report?"

Tonks wasn't sure what to answer. Lupin didn't lie, but he wasn't honest too.

He changed the facts in the report, but he changed them in her favour. Just why did he do that? Should she tell Moody the truth now? But then he would probably get mad not only at her for her incompetence, but also at Lupin for keeping it secret. And let's not forget that when she was hit during the fight, he protected her with his own body. So she owed him.

"No," she returned Moody the file, "everything is fine."

"Good. Then let's move on. It's been a week, lassie. You had some time to think things through. And you've been already on three missions. So now I ask you a question that I ask every newbie," Moody leaned forward and looked her straight in the eye, "do you want to withdraw?

"What?!"

"You can resign without any explanation. And I promise I won't think any less of you."

"Why would I do something like that? "

"Because you are already a target, don't forget. Your parents were hiding from the day your mother ran away from home to the day they locked up your aunt in Azkaban. And you can be sure that when she finds out that you are a member of the Order, you'll be higher on her list than even Harry Potter."

"Yeah, but fortunately, Aunt Bella is in Azkaban."

"And she is Voldemort's most loyal soldier. How long do you think she will stay there?"

_Good point._

Tonks knew her mentor was right. Although, Aunt Bella dreamed of getting her hands on her anyway. Whether Tonks was a member of the Order or not. It didn't make much difference. So, she began to wonder if Mad-Eye maybe had another reason. Maybe Lupin had told him what really happened after all?

"I don't understand. You don't want me in the Order or what? Have I done something wrong?"

"No, lass, you did nothing wrong. And if I wouldn't want you there, I would never send you the Patronus."

"Then what is it about?"

Moody sighed loudly. He seemed so self-conscious. Tonks has never seen him self-conscious.

"I'm getting old, Tonks."

"Nonsense! What are you talking about, Mad-Eye? You're not old! Is it about the kidnapping?"

"NO! It's not about the damn KIDNAPPING!" he yelled so loud that Tonks jumped in her chair, "Yes, I've made a mistake. I wasn't careful enough. But I will not feel sorry for myself! Every Auror makes mistakes. But this will not happen again. And you can be sure that I'm still able to defend myself and kick some Death Eater's asses!"

"I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry! You are still the best Auror in the whole UK! I know that."

She put her hand on his, but he immediately cut his hand out. He looked at her in disgust, though Tonks could have sworn she saw him smile for a second.

"What I wanted to say, lassie is that I'm getting old and sentimental. I fought in the first war, and I still remember what it's like to lose my proteges. Some were younger than you when they died fighting for the Order. I guess… ", he sighed, "I just want to make sure you are aware of the risk your signing up for.

_Wow!_

_He finally said it._

There it was! Moody's confirmation that he cared about her. Tonks had known it a long time, but it was good to hear anyway.

Ok, maybe he didn't say it outright, but his whole statement could be translated from Mad-Eyeish to English as 'I care about you'.

"I know, Mad-Eye. And I promise you, I won't get killed so easily! I want to stay in the Order. Definitely."

"Good. Then I hope you are aware that I will be demanding even more from you? From now on, you will deliver two reports daily. One from your work as an Auror and the other from work for the Order."

"Sure, I will handle this."

"I have no doubt," he said and even smiled slightly. Then he walked over to the dresser where he kept his top-secret documents. He removed the Disillusionment Charm and then placed his wand in the recess. There was a _click_. Moody went to one of the drawers and took out a small scrap of paper, which he then handed to Tonks, "This is for you. Read, remember and burn it down. This is the headquarters address. Tomorrow at eight will be the first official Order meeting. Do not use the doorbell and do not be late."

Tonks read the note and thought she had already heard the name of this street somewhere. She memorised the address and burned the paper down as instructed.

They sipped their tea, talking about the last Quidditch match. And when they finished, Tonks began to gather home.

"Ah, and lass," called Mad-Eye as she stood in the doorway, "remember this is a _secret_ society. No one can find out that you a part of it. Be especially vigilant tomorrow. I'm sure a few things have changed in the Auror Office."

* * *

**Remus, 02.07.1995**

Good that Remus was so skilled at wandless magic! Otherwise, he would never be able to open the front door of 12 Grimmauld Place. Not with all the books, he brought with him. Oddly enough, he didn't bring them for himself, but at Sirius' request.

His field of vision was reduced through the pile of books. But somehow, he managed to silently cross the threshold. Remus tried to gently close the door with his foot so that it wouldn't slam and wake Mrs Black. When he succeeded, he started walking slowly towards the stairs.

And halfway there, he suddenly hit something. Or rather someone. Remus tripped over Kreacher and fell with him and the pile of books to the ground. The noise immediately woke Walburga, who began to scream mercilessly.

"WHO DARES TO DISTURB THE PEACE OF MY ANCESTRAL HOME?..."

Remus tried to help Kreacher up, but the house-elf didn't want his help. So, he ran to Walburga's painting and wanted to cover it with the curtains. It took a lot of strength from him, but he finally succeeded, and there was silence again.

Except for the sound of lazy clapping hands.

Remus turned to see Sirius standing by the stairs, nonchalantly slapping his hands.

"That was something, Moony! I have not seen such a beautiful fall for a long time. This old elf didn't even move, though you were walking straight at him."

"Have you seen it all? Why didn't you say anything? You could have warned me or helped me with these books."

"And miss this whole show? Nah."

"This is not funny, Padfoot! I could have hurt him."

"Oh, come on. It wouldn't be a crying shame anyway. Now take these books and come with me upstairs. I have already started the research in the library."

"Perhaps you could help me?" asked Remus, but Padfoot already disappeared on the stairs.

Typical Sirius Black. He had Remus bring from his cottage all the books on Transfiguration, Magical Creatures, and Magical Medicine, but he wouldn't even think to help carry them.

Fortunately, he wasn't on the Muggle street anymore, so he could use magic for help. Although with this amount of books, even that was not easy.

When Remus got to the library, he saw that Sirius wasn't kidding about his research. A whole lot of books were already scattered on the ground.

"Now can you finally tell me what you need all these books for?"

"I have to study."

"You? Study? But you always said it is a waste of your precious energy."

"Not this time. And you will help me with this, professor!"

Remus had a bad feeling about this...

"What exactly do you want to learn about?"

"Everything about Metamorphmagi."

...and he was right.

"Padfoot, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?"

"Because your cousin is not a study object. She is a person, not her ability. If you want to know something about her, you should just ask. I can assure you, none of these books contains an instruction on how to bond with your Metamorphmagus cousin."

"An instruction perhaps not, but maybe it will help me to understand her better. Or at least not to offend her by accident."

And Remus had to admit that his answer even sounded reasonable. Sirius had a talent for offending people, by accident and on purpose. Besides, learning about other magical abilities wasn't something bad. Actually, it was the lack of knowledge that caused many prejudices and misunderstandings. So maybe Sirius' idea wasn't the worst?

Though, Remus still felt like he was invading someone's privacy.

"Ok, but do you really need my help with this?"

"Of course, Moony! I can't do it myself. Just looking through these books to see if there is anything about Metamorphmagi in them would take me ages. And she's already coming here tomorrow."

"All right, all right," Remus sighed, surrendering, "then maybe let's get started right away. I think I saw something about Metamorphmagi in ' _Transformation Through the Ages_ '."

"Perfect! Let start with it. Read aloud, Moony!"

Lupin wanted to make a comment that learning is not about lying on the couch with your eyes closed and listening to someone else reading a textbook, but he kept it quiet. He began reading the short section on the Metamorphmagi that was contained in his book. Then he looked for something in the others as well. Unfortunately, there was very limited information about Metamorphmagi.

By the end of the day, they managed to go through practically all books. Most of them didn't even mention Metamorphmagi. However, from those who had information about them, they learned some interesting things.

Remus knew that this ability was very rare, but he was surprised to learn that only three Metamorphmagi were born in Britain in the last century. And someone had to be born one, there was no possibility to learn this.

There have been studies of the heredity of this ability. Unfortunately, no genetic relations were found. Nonetheless, an interesting dependence was discovered. It turned out that all parents of Metamorphmagi usually created very extraordinary marriages. They differed significantly in appearance, family background, mobility or other aspects.

The simplest definition of being a Metamorphmagus was, 'having the ability to change your physical appearance through sheer willpower'.

Nevertheless, it was not that simple. The process was very depending on biological structures. Initially, it was thought that a Metamorphmagus did not have one true form. That no one, not even themselves, knows what they really look like. But this theory was quickly demolished.

Every Metamorphmagus has his own body, his natural appearance, on which he can make changes. However, when he does not use his powers, he returns to the original form. A Metamorphmagus may knowingly stop using his powers, or it happens due to a weakening of the body (e.g., by illness) or during rest (most often during sleep).

Mostly, the appearance changes are intended actions. But they can also happen unknowingly. This is often caused due to strong emotions or during a dream. However, the unaware changes only concern the adnexal structures of the skin such as hair or fingernails. The reason why only these structures, can be related to embryogenesis.

Though, changes on more developed organs require full concentration.

Probably the scope of possible changes is limited. No case has yet been reported where a Metamorphmagus could completely change his gender (no successful attempts in changing sexual organs) or take the entire form of an animal (possible changes of individual body parts to analogue animal parts).

It has also been observed that a Metamorphmagus has a higher body temperature than an average wizard. Their metabolism is usually faster, thanks to the frequent changes in their body.

These changes can also lead to balance problems. The Metamorphmagus often doesn't keep up with getting used to his constantly changing body.

The mental health of Metamorphmagi has not yet been fully explored. Dumbledore wrote an article about it, ' _Is Vanishing Without a Trace Possible?_ '. The title can be confusing because it is not about the physical disappearance of the body, but about the personality of the Metamorphmagus as a separate entity, capable of taking any form. Unfortunately, no other scientist has researched this area when probably this would be the most useful information for Sirius.

"Did you also bring Rosalie's book as I asked you?"

"Yes," Remus answered carefully.

"Then check if she wrote anything about Metamorphmagi."

Remus sighed but then did what Sirius asked him to. He scanned the table of contents and saw that Rosalie had indeed written something about Metamorphmagi. For a moment he wondered if maybe it would be better to lie to Sirius.

"And?"

"She wrote one subsection on this topic."

"Great! I knew Rosalie wouldn't disappoint. Read it out loud!"

"I honestly don't think it's a good idea, Padfoot."

"Why not?"

"Because she is your cousin. I understand that you want to get to know her better, but probably not in _this_ aspect," Remus said, throwing a copy of Rosalie McKinnon's ' _The Art of Loving in the Magical World_ ' at Sirius.

Black looked at the book hesitantly and then threw it back.

"Touché. So you read it! And then tell me if Rosalie wrote anything useful."

"No," Remus refused, throwing the book again at Sirius.

"Common Moony!" and the book flew into the air again, so that Remus barely caught it, "Don't be such a party pooper!"

Lupin felt the growing irritation within him. A week has passed since he lived with Sirius and it started to get more and more annoying with every day.

That's just how it was with old friends - when they spent too much time together, they started to irritate each other.

Remus tried to be understanding. After all, Sirius has been through a lot. And nightmares haunt him every night. But slowly even Lupin began to lose his patience.

He looked at Rosalie's book and felt that Sirius had just crossed the line. From the beginning, Remus was uncomfortable doing all this research with Sirius' cousin in mind. What would she think if she found out that an old werewolf wanted to know more about her abilities?

Remus did this because he wanted to help his friend. But if Sirius thought he would agree to read about Metamorphmagi in ' _The Art of Loving in the Magical World_ ', then he was way off beam.

"No! Forget about it! I will not read this, Sirius!"

"Blimey, what's your problem?"

"What's my problem?! Merlin, how can you not see how inappropriate this is?"

"You were always a little bit stiff, Moony. But not like that… What happened to you? Where's your inner Marauder?!"

"This is called growing up!"

"Growing up?! Please, rather getting old! I don't recognise you. You changed! And that's the problem!"

"No, Sirius! The problem is that you _didn't_ change! You _didn't_ grow up!"

"Because I was TWELVE FUCKING YEARS in FUCKING AZKABAN!"

"And are you going to use this excuse for the rest of your life?!"

"YOU?! You of all people want to criticise me about using one excuse for everything?!"

"This is not the same! I will be cursed for THE REST OF MY LIFE! And you are no longer in Azkaban, are you?!"

"NO LONGER IN AZKABAN?! Do you have any bloody idea what you are talking about?! I'm in Azkaban ALL THE FUCKING TIME! I never left my cell! And I doubt I will ever be able to leave it! I may not be physically there but, but my mind... But my mind, my mind..."

Sirius suddenly slumped to the ground. Remus ran up to him to see if he was all right. Fortunately, he did not pass out. Apparently, his body was not yet ready for such an emotional conversation.

Remus helped him settle on the couch and sat down next to him. For a while, they stared silently into the empty space. The old werewolf felt guilty about losing his temper, especially since it was still ten days to the full moon.

"I'm sorry, Sirius. I shouldn't have questioned what you went through. You're right, I have changed. Apparently not for the better. What I have been through these twelve years has changed me. But that doesn't give me the right to judge you."

For a moment, his words hung in the air. But then Sirius took his hand and said, "Nah, I also have no right to judge you. I don't even know what you've been doing these twelve years."

"Nothing big."

"Twelve years is a lot of time. You definitely have more to tell than I do. Come on, Moony," he gently nudged him with his elbow in the arm, "don't make me beg you!"

Remus sighed. These twelve years had been a real nightmare for him. He didn't like to talk about it. Though so far, he also had no one to talk to about it. He was lonely. He had no friends. No one to listen to him. So, since he regained one of his old friends, maybe it would be good to talk to him about it? Just let it out?

"After the funeral," he began in a low voice, "I talked with Dumbledore about Harry's future. He told me he was supposed to go to his aunt and uncle, you know, Lily's sister. And I realised then that there was nothing left for me to do here, so I decided to go abroad."

"Abroad? Where did you go?"

"India. The wizarding community is much friendlier and more tolerant there. Of course, I still had to hide what I am, but it was a little easier. People thought I was different because I was English, not because I had a secret. I got a job, and I tried to forget everything that happened. But I never succeeded. I spend there a little over two years, then I found out that my mother had fallen ill and I returned to Britain."

"Your mother? How is she?"

"She died in October 1983."

"Oh. I did not know. I'm sorry. And how is your dad?"

"I'm not sure. After my mother's death, we broke off, well, I broke off contact. He deserved some peace in his life. Especially that I knew already then that I had no chance of making or taking the Wolfsbane Potion. So I left again. I spent three years in French and German forests. Two years in Egypt and then a few months in Turkey. One and a half years in Norway and then I finally returned to England. It's been almost four years since I got back here."

"That doesn't sound so bad! You have visited many interesting places. Certainly, more than me! Even after I escaped. You must have seen a lot."

"Rather too much." 

"That means?"

"That means," he sighed, "I had no idea how cruel this world could be for someone like me. I knew most wizards had prejudices against werewolves, my father always warned me about them. Therefore I spent the first years of my life very lonely. My parents protected not only other children from me, but also me from them. Then Dumbledore allowed me to go to Hogwarts. I met wizards there who accepted me, even after they found out about my condition. Not only did they accepted me, but they also became my friends! And also, they protected me. So I never really knew what real prejudices were. I only found out when I lost all my friends and parents. When I was left completely alone."

Sirius grabbed his arm and squeezed it as a sign for support.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I saw things I will never forget, Padfoot." Remus shook his head, "In the French-German forests, I joined a pack. We had to change our camp location from time to time because there was a group of wizards who hunted us. Even when we were in human form. At first, I thought they were doing it out of fear. But at one point I realised they were doing it for fun. They treated killing us as a hobby.

"I went to Turkey because someone told me they were doing there a study on a potion, that would inhibit the transformation and be available for all werewolves. And apparently, they were looking for volunteers who would agree to test this potion. I wanted to apply. I had nothing to lose, after all. But it turned out to be a trap. I managed to escape at the last minute. Five other people managed to run away too, but the rest weren't so lucky.

"I made friends with one of the escapees. Together, we managed to escape abroad, and then she invited me to her home in Norway."

"She?"

"She," Remus confirmed, " but it's not what you think. She was only recently bitten and was a single mother. Her husband had left her and their daughter even before she was bitten. She didn't know how to deal with her changes, how she could protect her daughter and others. So I decided to help her. I lived with them. We got along well. Again, it was not what you think, Padfoot. We were just friends. Until one day, I came back from grocery shopping and found them both dead. I suspect her ex-husband must have found out somehow that she became a werewolf. He probably thought she had infected their daughter and wanted to ease the suffering for both of them."

There was silence again. Remus had nothing more to add, and Sirius tried to understand all this. For Remus, however, the silence wasn't awkward. It was difficult for him to tell the whole story and needed a rest now. Though, he felt a kind of relief too.

"That sounds horrible," Sirius said, squeezing his arm again, "I'm sorry that you had to go true it. But I'm sure that in those twelve years also something good must have happened! Some lady didn't help you forget about your worries for a moment?"

_I know what you're really asking._

"Believe it or not, but I actually gave it a try a few times. I really tried to find the pink one."

"And?"

"And nothing. I think relationships are just not for me. They never were and never will be."

"Nonsense! It just means you haven't met her yet. You should actually be happy about it. The best is yet to come!"

"I doubt I'd ever meet her."

"Of course you will meet the pink one! After all, Marlene saw it in her vision!"

_He said her name._

Remus was slightly shocked. So far, Sirius had not mentioned her name even once in his presence. Lupin wondered if this was a good time to talk about her. To find out at what stage of mourning Sirius was. Whether he has accepted the reality or was he still deceiving himself.

"Sirius... I doubt, I doubt that, that all her visions will come true."

"Nah, they always come true!"

"But she had at least one vision that has no right to come true. And I'm not talking about the pink one."

"Then why do you think that it can’t come true? What was this vision about?"

Black stared at him with his grey eyes. His gaze showed aristocratic disapproval of any objection. But there was also curiosity and fear in it.

"I don't really know what the vision was about. She wouldn't tell me. She just gave me a vague clue and promised to talk to me then. And as you know, that's not possible anymore."

Sirius' eyes suddenly began to shine, and his cheeks twitched. His lips trembled a little before he spoke, "She really had a vision in which she will talk to you? You're absolutely sure it didn't come true before... you know..."

"I'm sure."

"Moony, that's, that's," he jumped off the couch, "WONDERFUL!!"

"What?"

"Don't you understand?! If that vision didn't come true yet, then it will happen in the future! That means that I was right all along!"

"No, Sirius..."

"Marlene is still alive! Ha! I was right! I was right!"

"Sirius, I don't think..."

"I don't care, what you think Moony! I always knew that she's still alive. And now you gave me the ultimate proof for that!"

"That's not what I..."

But Sirius was no longer listening to him. He was engrossed in his happiness. And Remus realised then that it will still take a long time before Sirius finally accepts the reality. However, as he watched Black dance with a cushion around the room, Remus quietly hoped that it was Sirius, that was right all along.


	8. The hard, unpopular and dangerous way

**Tonks, 03.07.1995**

_Of course, Mad-Eye had to be right,_ thought Tonks as she sat down in her office cubicle.

The Auror Office was usually lively and loud. People were laughing and gossiping while standing in the middle of the corridor.

But not today.

Today it was disturbingly quiet, and everyone sat at their desks. Tonks felt strangely uncomfortable.

At least one thing hasn't changed.

"Wotcher Talbott!"

"Good to see you, Tonks!" As always, he put on her desk a pile of documents, a coffee to go and a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ , and then sat down at her desk. "I'm really glad you're back."

"Aww, did you miss me?"

"You have no idea."

Talbott began to tell her about everything that had happened in her absence. Supposedly, in the evening after the tournament's final, Fudge had a long conversation with Scrimgeour. On Monday, a meeting was held for all Aurors. Fudge explained to everyone what the Ministry's position to the situation is and what position the Aurors (i.e. employees of the Ministry) should adopt. Apparently, Fudge showed up two more times in the Auror's Office to give a talk.

"After Fudge's last speech, people are afraid to talk with each other."

"That explains a lot."

Tonks looked around the office as more and more of her colleagues arrived, but no one talked to each other. She took a long sip of coffee, thinking how strange it all was.

Why can't Fudge just accept that Voldemort has returned? Aurors should focus on looking for him, not on hiding their political views. Preferably, Tonks would go straight to Scrimgeour right now and tell him what she thought about all this. But she heard Moody's voice in her head, reminding her that she was now a member of a secret society. So it will probably be better if she, like everyone else, will try not to be conspicuous.

"By the way, you will never guess who asked about you. Williamson!"

Talbot's words snapped her out of her thoughts. Suddenly she felt a strange tension in her stomach.

"Winger, you're a terrible gossip!" and then Tonks felt her cheeks flush, so there was no point in pretending to be unfazed, "Ok, what exactly did he ask?

"Well, he came to my lab because of one evidence that I was investigating. And he asked me if it's true that you got married."

"What?!"

"O right! I forgot to tell you. There was a rumour in the office that you were getting married and that's why you were absent."

"WHAT?!" she screamed so loud that several people turned towards them, "But where did this gossip come from? I mean, only you knew I was taking some time off to help with Tulip's wedding preparations."

"Someone saw you at the wedding dress shop. They combined it with you taking a leave and - boom! A scandal has arisen! By the time this rumour finally reached me to correct it, it had acquired some interesting details. Apparently, you were going to marry a centaur, which is why you wanted to hide it."

"A centaur? Why would I want to marry a centaur?!"

"Surprisingly many people remembered that you morphed your nose into a reindeer one at last year's Christmas party. Some people don't know the difference between a reindeer and a horse, and some think that you just have a weird fondness for hooves. Nevertheless, it was decided that a centaur would be the closest to your taste."

Tonks looked at her friend in horror. She stopped blinking, afraid she would miss the moment when Winger would tell her that it was just a joke. Her eyes began to burn, but Talbot still didn't say anything. It looked like it wasn't a joke.

"So Williamson came to talk to you about me because he thought that I married a centaur?"

"Yes. But I fixed it."

"Sweet Merlin's beard! How am I ever look him in the eye again? Could you Avada me, please?"

"Hey, Tonks! I fixed it! You don't have to worry. I explained to him everything. And when I told him that you're still single, he looked soooo...."

"What?" Tonks ignored the sudden shock on his face, "Talbot, how did he look like?"

And suddenly she felt that someone was standing behind her.

"Mister Winger," said Scrimgeour, appearing out of nowhere, "nice to see you. But I could have sworn the analyst labs are on the other side of the floor."

Talbot grinned nervously. Apparently, he was wondering if he should explain himself first or just run away without a word.

"And good morning, Auror Tonks. Could you please follow me to my office?"

Tonks thought she had misheard. Scrimgeour had never invited her to his office before. She looked at Talbot questioningly, and he signalled her with his head to go.

Tonks ran after her boss. At the entrance to his office, she tripped over the threshold and hit the ground.

"Close the door and sit down."

So she did. Sitting in the chair across from Scrimgeour, she wondered what he wanted to talk to her about in private. Did he somehow find out that she had used the Auror entrance last weekend? Were the entrances monitored? Did he already know she was part of the Order?

"I hope you enjoyed your holiday. Did you do something... fun?"

"Yes, Sir, it was nice. Though wedding preparations are very annoying. Not my wedding, of course! A friend of mine is getting married. I'm her maid. That's all!"

"Right. I'm sure you remember that any Auror wishing to get married must first apply for a marriage license. A secret marriage can be grounds for dismissal."

_Then that's what he wanted to talk to her about?_ It was hard to believe that such a big scandal happened only because someone saw her enter a wedding dress salon. Nevertheless, Tonks made a note in her head to be more careful.

"I'm aware, Sir. And I can assure you that there is no need to worry."

"Good," he said coolly, watching her closely. "A few things have changed during your absence. I'm sure you noticed. The Minister for Magic has been visiting us several times. He explained the position of the Ministry on several issues. Auror Tonks, did you hear what happened during the tournament final?"

"Of course."

"Could you summarise it?"

_Oh, so this was about testing her loyalty!_ Fortunately, Tonks had predicted such a scenario and had already prepared an appropriate answer. She even practised a nonchalant tone of voice. _Showtime!_

"I don't think there is much to talk about. The Boy Who Lived let the success go to his head. And Dumbledore always had a screw loose. They made up a fairy tale to get some attention, but this swindle did not fool the Ministry. Now they stick to this version so as not to come out as liars. Pathetic..."

Scrimgeour shook his head slightly. Tonks had a feeling that her boss actually thought Fudge was the pathetic one. But it wasn't a question of what someone's true beliefs were, but whether he could hide them well enough. And from Scrimgeour's face, she managed to read that she must have succeeded.

"I have your schedule changed. You will now have mostly morning shifts on working days. Unfortunately, you also need to have at least two weekend shifts a month. Regulations. On weekends, you will continue to work on cases assigned to you by managing Aurors. But during the working days, you will have a special long-term assignment. You will report to me personally. Here is the file. Familiarise yourself with the materials and start working on it right away. Finally, there will be a good use for your... abilities."

He couldn't hide his disgust at the last word, but Tonks was used to it. Her relationship with Scrimgeour was never the warmest. She picked up the file he handed her and quickly looked through it. As she flipped through the pages, her eyes widened.

"But Sir..."

"Do you have any questions, Auror Tonks?"

Her hand was shaking like jelly. Tonks couldn't believe what she had just read.

The Ministry wanted to use her abilities for spying. But by no means was she supposed to do it to catch a dark wizard or prevent a crime. No, she was supposed to do this to report on Ministry employees who believed Dumbledore.

It was the beginning of summer, and the Ministry hired many interns, basically in every Department. Her job was to bring one such intern to the Auror's office every day, give him a sleeping potion, then morph and pretend to be him all day long. During this time, she was to eavesdrop on the other employees' conversations to learn as much as possible about their political views. Finally, she had to change the intern's memories so that no one would ever find out.

Tonks wanted to throw the file in Scrimgeour's face. But she knew she couldn't do it. Dumbledore made it clear that the Order needed Tonks to keep her job in the Ministry. So she had to grit her teeth.

"How often should I submit my reports?"

"Every Monday morning, starting from next week. Anything else?"

"No," she swallowed hard, "everything is crystal clear."

"Excellent. In that case, you can go now."

"Thank you, Sir."

She got up, and her chair made an unpleasant noise. Tonks was at the door with two quick movements.

"O, and welcome back."

With great reluctance, Tonks did her job. She pretended to be an intern at the Department of International Magical Cooperation. She had to admit that they didn't treat the interns very well there. After eight hours of work, they had to do two more hours of overtime. Since Tonks didn't want to destroy the reputation of the person she was pretending, she stayed longer.

When she finally finished her assignment, it was quite late, and she still had to take notes for the report for Scrimgeour and write two reports for Mad-Eye. She had no need to go home before the Order meeting, so she decided to stay in the office and write these reports there. The office was empty anyway.

Though at one point she heard someone coming inside. But she didn't care much about it. Probably someone forgot something.

Then the steps began to come towards her. Just to be safe, she covered the report for the Orders with those for Scrimgeour. She turned to see the face she least expected.

"Auror Tonks! You still here?"

"Auror Williamson..."

Could this be real? Tonks had had a few dreams before that started this way, so she was confused. She was staring straight into Michael Williamson's face. At his strongly outlined jawlines, his deep dark eyes. Merlin, he was so good looking!

"Do I have something in my face?"

"No, no, of course not, your face is perfect, I mean, perfectly clean. There, there is nothing in your face."

"Then why are you looking at me so surprised?"

"Am I? I guess I just surprised to see you, to see anyone, here at this hour."

"Yes, usually, no one is here at this time. I just went back for my wallet. And what are you doing here so late?

"Eee... I'm just, eee... I am finishing a report for Scrimgeour."

_Merlin, why was she so nervous?_

"Oh, then I don't want to disturb you anymore. I'll..."

"NO!" she answered way too loud. "I mean, you don't disturb me. Really! I'm happy that you here, I mean... It's really nice to talk to someone. I have a feeling that while I was gone, people forgot how to use their tongue. So I'm happy that you here and that we can, eee..."

"Use our tongues?"

At the last moment, Tonks stopped her hair from turning red. But she couldn't hide the blush on her cheeks.

"No, please, don't feel ashamed. You're right, it's been awful silent the last couple of days in the office. And I'm also happy to be here and talk with you."

"You are?"

"Yes. Actually, I always wanted to get to know you better. You've caught my attention from the first day when Moody brought you here."

She felt flattered. But she was an Auror after all, so one question immediately occurred to her.

"Then why did you never talk to me?"

"It will sound silly but... my girlfriend told me not to."

"What? Why?"

"Yeah, she was a jealous type. When I told her that we would have a new female Auror in the office, she forbid me to talk with you. I don't quite understand why. After all, I hadn't yet told her how funny, young and talented this new Auror was."

Tonks blushed again.

"Then why do you talk with me know? She's not jealous anymore?"

"She's not my girlfriend anymore."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," she said with pretended sadness.

"No, don't feel sorry. We didn't fit together. It's better that way, and it's been a while since we broke up, so I've already got myself together. Just please don't tell anyone in the office yet. Aurors are the worst gossipers."

"Tell me about it..."

"Right! You found out about it the hard way lately. I knew from the beginning that the part about the centaur couldn't be true. However, I must admit that I felt relieved when your little friend from the Magic Analysts Department confirmed that you're still single. Or is that also only a rumour?"

"Nah... I am... Well... It's true."

Tonks felt that she was not keeping up with her own thoughts. What was going on here? Why was he interested in her relationship status? Why so suddenly?

"It's hard for Aurors to find a life partner, isn't it? Hardly anyone understands us. This is probably why Aurors so often form relationships with other Aurors."

"I guess," she replied swallowing.

"Look, Auror Tonks," he leaned over slightly and took her hand in his, "I know, that you have a report to finish and that it's almost eight, but why don't we go have a coffee together?"

His words reached her with a delay. Due to the shock, she was unable to say anything. Tonks felt warmth all over her body. Of course, she wanted to go for a coffee with him! But something kept her from agreeing immediately. Only what was it? After all, she had no pla-...

"Wait! What time is it?"

"It's a quarter to eight."

"Oh, bloody hell! I have to go!"

"What?"

"I'm sorry! I have an important meeting!"

"Right now?"

"At eight. I will be late. Merlin, where is my bag?"

"Wait," he grabbed her wrist and looked at her with puppy eyes, "have I said something wrong?"

"No, absolutely not!"

"Are you sure? Because you see... I really enjoyed talking with you. And I'll be very sad if you just disappear now."

"I..."

Tonks was speechless. The way Michael looked at her made her feel guilty. Her dreams were about to come true in any moment, and she has to give it up. Merlin, why did this Order meeting have to be today?!

"I'm so sorry. I would love to talk to you longer, believe me! But I really have to go now. It's very important."

"Eh... All right. I understand. But I hope you will have more time for me by the next occasion," he lifted her hand and placed a kiss on it. "And by the way, you look very pretty when you blush."

His last sentence made her blush again, of course. They looked at each other's eyes. Tonks could stay in that position until the end of the world.

"Don't you have to go?"

"Right!" she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, "Thank you! See you soon, Auror Williamson!"

"Goodbye, Auror Tonks!"

As soon as she left the Ministry, Tonks Apparated to the address that Moody had given her. She looked at her watch - three minutes late. Perfect. Mad-Eye will kill her.

Just as her mentor instructed, she did not ring the doorbell but pulled the door handle straight away. However, she didn't expect that someone was already waiting for her.

"Tonks! You're here!"

"Wotcher Sirius!"

"I'm so glad you finally came! I was getting worried that something had happened to you."

"No, I just," she thought a second about the right answer," had to stay longer at work. Has the meeting already begun?"

"Not yet, Dumbledore is still absent. But he'll probably arrive at any minute. Come, I will bring you to the rest in the dining room."

Sirius took her arm and started leading her through the dark corridor. Tonks felt a little overwhelmed by his hospitality. After all, they basically didn't know each other, and he treated her like a sister. But she decided not to mention it out of politeness.

"Watch out for the umbrella stand," Sirius said pointing to the mentioned object. It was as gross as everything else she had seen in this house so far, "Moony stumbled over it recently."

"Are you going to tell everyone this story, Padfoot?" asked Lupin, standing by the entrance to the dining room, "Good evening, Ms Tonks."

Tonks felt paralysed, and she couldn't even come up with a simple greeting. She wanted to talk to Lupin about the report but in privacy. Tonks just wasn't ready to confront him that quickly. Should she perhaps now take the opportunity to speak to him?

Fortunately, a moment later, a familiar voice saved her from making a decision.

"Galloping gargoyles! Tonks! Good to see you, sweetheart. But, o Merlin! That means that you also joined the Order. Oh, but you are still so young..."

"Wotcher, Mrs Weasley! Nice to see you too."

"You know each other?" Sirius asked confused.

"Of course! Tonks was on the same year as my Charlie. She often visited us during the summer holidays. Me and Andromeda… Oh, how could I not realise it sooner? You must be the cousin Sirius has been waiting for all evening!"

Tonks looked at Black, who seemed a little embarrassed. Why had he been waiting for her all evening? Maybe Lupin told him about how she attacked him during the mission? Yes, that must be it.

"I heard from Charlie that you became an Auror! Congratulations darling! I knew you could make it!"

"Well, I had a bit of a doubt," said a new voice, "I was afraid that the biggest troublemaker of Hogwarts would be kicked out from the Auror program for misbehaviour before she could prove what she was capable of."

"Bill!"

Tonks threw herself into her old friend's embrace.

"Come on," he said, releasing her, "let's sit down together and catch up."

"NO!"

All eyes turned toward Sirius. His laud reaction was quite surprising, and he looked very stressed out. His hands were shaking, and you could tell from his face that he didn't know what to do now.

"What Sirius meant," Lupin spoke, "was that he had saved for you Ms Tonks a seat at the front of the table. Yesterday some expired elixir spilt over at the end of the table, and we haven't completely gotten rid of its smell. Right, Sirius?"

"Eee…Yes! Exactly! Come on Tonks, I'll show you."

"Later! First, you come with me, lassie."

Mad-Eye grabbed her arm and pulled her along before she even had a chance to protest.

"You are late. Don't think I didn't notice. Now, give me your new schedule and tell me all about the task you got from Scrimgeour."

Tonks didn't even ask how Moody knew about it already. Probably Kingsley reported to him.

She briefed Mad-Eye on everything and handed over her reports along with the schedule. But she had to stop because Dumbledore finally arrived and the meeting was about to begin.

Sirius waved at Tonks from the table, pointing to the empty seat between him and Bill. She started walking in that direction, looking around. On Sirius's other side was Sturgis. Weird. For some reason, Lupin was sitting on the other end, right next to Snape.

By the way, what was her old potions teacher doing in the Order?

"My dear friends," spoke Dumbledore, "thank you for coming. I would like to warmly welcome you all to the first official meeting of the reactivated Order of the Phoenix. Each of you is here because you believe in Harry Potter's words. You believe in Voldemort's return. And because you want to do something about it.

"I'm not going to lie to you. This is the hard, unpopular and dangerous way. The fact that you are here means that you are ready to take it. Regardless of all the risks and consequences. But be aware. The Death Eaters are already on the battlefield, and the Ministry remains in denial. This war has already begun. So what is left for us to do now, is to take actions, protect the people we love and believe in the dream of a better word."

Dumbledore was indeed an excellent speaker. His speech left a silence that no one dared to break.

_The dream of a better word._ Yes, that was really something worth fighting for.

"All right," Moody hit his hand on the table, "let's move on to business. I was supposed to give you your schedules today, but since one person has had a sudden change, I'll send them to you tomorrow with a magpie. Yes, you heard right, magpie. We can't trust owls anymore. Further, right now the Order is focused on three tasks…"

Mad-Eye started explaining everything about the Department of Mystery mission, the Potters observation and Death Eaters stakeout. The atmosphere was tense. Everyone listened intently, asking only reasonable questions. Moody also informed everyone that the entire Weasley family would move to headquarters for the summer holidays. Nevertheless, there were still enough bedrooms in the house to accommodate an Order member if there would be such a need.

"And before Molly brings dinner, two more things for our newbies. Firstly, you must learn how to send a message through a Patronus. Those who already can conjure a Patronus will have training with me. And those who can't do it yet will be taught by Lupin, who was so kind to agree to this. This lesson will also be included in your schedule. And secondly," Mad-Eye conjured parchment before every new Order member, "before you go home today, each of you is to submit here," he pointed at a document container on the dresser, "your last will."

Tonks and Bill looked at each other. Her friend's face suddenly turned paler and probably so did hers too.

_Last will?_

Wasn't that a little exaggeration? Since when has Mad-Eye become so dramatic?

"Thank you, Alastor. If no one has anything to add, then that would be everything for today. Unfortunately, I have to go. But before that, I would like to thank Severus for taking over the ministry watch today, Molly for preparing the dinner, and Sirius for providing us with his family home for the Order's headquarters. I wish you all a successful feast. Molly, please, let me get the dinner from the kitchen."

_Sirius family home?_ So that's why the address sounded so familiar!

Dumbledore snapped his fingers, and a second later food appeared on the table. But no one seems to be hungry. Not after they were reminded so many times of the dangers to which they had exposed themselves and of death.

At one point, Sturgis Podmore rose from his chair with his glass raised as if to make a toast. All eyes were on him.

"Listen up, friends! I know what all of you are feeling right now, fear, worry, angst. You're pitying yourself. You are wallowing in grief. Because you have realised that you can die at any fucking moment." he stopped for a moment, "So, listen up, folks. Like it or not, but death is from now on our companion. And you have to deal with it. Death is a member of the Order just like everyone else here.

"But that doesn't have to be necessarily a bad thing. Yes, you heard well! Because after you realise that you never been so close to death like in this very moment, you can finally start living to the fullest. So tonight, we are going to celebrate life! And we will do so every fucking day. Appreciate the time you have left, my friends. Let us live well, so that we may fucking die well! Cheers!"

Sturgis raised his glass, and the rest did the same. Someone played the music, and before Tonks knew it, Sturgis dragged her onto the dance floor with him. He started to turn her so fast she couldn't even argue. After a while, some of the others started dancing too. The Order members divided into those sitting at the table to eat and drink and those who danced.

"Can I borrow my cousin?" asked Sirius approaching them.

"Actually, I'm starving. Haven't eaten all day. Maybe later." said Tonks moving to the table leaving Sirius and Sturgis on the dancefloor. She sat down next to Bill and began to eat. Only then did she realise how hungry she was. And Molly's food was just delicious.

At one point, Tonks noticed that Sirius had not returned to his seat. Out of curiosity, she started looking for her cousin. She found him sitting next to Remus Lupin.

Tonks thought Black looked a little upset. He sipped his firewhiskey with a very distressed look. But probably she was just imagining it. So she focused on talking with Bill, reminiscing about the good old days and catching up.

"Since you are back from Egypt, why is Charlie still in Romania?"

"Dumbledore wants him to stay there and help recruit wizards from abroad. But he will be coming here for a few days to visit sonnish."

"Oh, that's great! We need to meet together. You should come over to Penny and me. We just have to make it by the end of July, because then she moves out."

"Penny moves out? I thought that you two are inseparable."

"I thought so too. But she wants to live with her boyfriend."

"Well, good for her! And what about you? Will you be living alone, or are you looking for some new roommate?"

"New roommate. Definitely! I'm not ready yet to live alone. Why? Are you looking for an apartment?"

"No, unfortunately. I have already rented something. But I know someone looking for a place to live in London. A friend of mine. If you want, I can put you in touch with her."

"Sure! That would be…"

Suddenly something else caught Tonks's eye. Lupin was arguing with Black about something. She noticed it a while ago. But now Lupin left the table and approached Mad-Eye. They started talking, and her mentor looked a little irritated.

"Tonks?" asked Bill.

"Great! That would be great! Sorry, I got distracted. Yes, I have absolutely no time to look after someone, so it would be fantastic if you could contact me with your friend."

"Wonderful! I'm sure you will get along. Maybe not right away, I'm…"

But Tonks was not listening. She has focused on Lupin again. He finished talking to Moody and started walking out of the room. Was he going to go home already? Bloody hell! She hasn't had a chance to speak with him about what happened yet. And who knows when such an opportunity would arise again?

"I'm sorry, Bill! I just remembered that I have something to do. I will be back soon!"

And with that, she followed Lupin's lead.

* * *

**Remus, 03.07.1995**

Remus was going up two stairs at a time, making his way to the library. He wanted to get everything done before Sirius could change his mind.

"Lupiiii-n! Ouch!"

He turned to see Tonks lying on the ground next to the umbrella stand. The tall wizard came back to see if she was ok.

"Are you hurt, Ms Tonks?"

"No, don't worry. I'm fine. I'm just very clumsy."

Remus thought for a moment to help her get up but decided that it wouldn't be appropriate. The girl went on all fours and slowly rose to her feet. Today she looked the same as during their first meeting, only her hair was different (blue instead of pink). Remus wondered if this was her real face or just a preferred one.

"You sure, you are all right?"

"Yes," she began to fix her robes, "absolutely sure."

"That's good. Then I guess I'll go now."

"No, please! I wanted to talk with you about something."

Remus couldn't understand this. He was sure she would want to avoid him. Why in Godric's name did she want to talk to him?

"With _me_?"

"Yeah. Do you have a minute?"

He scratched his neck, trying to understand what was going on here. Unplanned, his gaze travelled over her shoulder. He saw Sirius sitting alone, sipping another glass of firewhiskey in one gulp, and then he immediately began pouring himself another drink. It was often hard to tell why Sirius was so depressed, but not this time.

"Eee.. yes, of course. Actually, I'd like to talk to you about something too."

"O, ok, then maybe we could go..."

"THE UNICORN IN RO-MA-NIA!"

She was interrupted by a very drunk Mundugus Fletcher. Dung was staggering and sang far too loud. But at least he wasn't out of tune.

"...KNOWS WHERE LIVES, THE PRE-TTI-EST WITCH!" he went right between them, "Hullo! Do u two luve birds know 'er the loo is?"

"Down the stairs and to the right."

"Thank u!" and then he went in the told direction, "I ASKED THE UNICORN FOR HELP, BUT IT DEMANDED MILLION GALLEONS AND RUINED MY DREAM ABOUT THE WITCH!"

Remus and Tonks watched Dung bounce from wall to wall until he finally disappeared down the stairs.

"I think we should go somewhere else."

"I think you're right. Let's go to the library, that's where I was going anyway."

Remus nodded, inviting her to follow him. He led her through the dark and cold corridors of the Black estate until they finally reached the library, heated by the warmth of the fireplace.

Lupin opened the door for Tonks and let her in. However, he hesitated when closing. It seemed inappropriate to shut the door down completely. So he decided to just leave them ajar.

"You know this house quite well. Did Sirius often invite his friends here?"

"Not really. In fact, he never invited us here. But while living in this house, I managed to get to know it a bit."

"You live here?"

"Yes, Sirius asked me to move in with him."

"Why? Don't you have your own house?"

"I do. Sirius just didn't want to be lonely. Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. But you were first. So, please, what did you want to discuss with me, Ms Tonks?"

"No. Now you got me curious. Talk."

It was then that Remus regretted his spontaneity. He should have thought it all over first. Now he didn't know where to start.

Tonks, meanwhile, settled down on the couch and stretched her legs onto the table. Remus came a little closer but decided to stand and watch her from a distance. The flames from the fireplace lightened her young face. There was not a single scar or wrinkle on it. Remus felt a little hypnotised.

"So?"

"Right! I wanted to talk with you about Sirius."

"I kind of guessed that already. But what about him?"

"I was wondering if..."

_This was all a bad idea!_

Remus realised what a big mistake he has done. He shouldn't get involved in matters that do not concern him. He has no right to do so. But it was too late, now Remus had to find a way not to appear demanding.

"So, eee, I was wondering, if, if you could, that's only if you want, of course, I mean, I will absolutely understand if you don't, and I know that I have certainly no right to ask you this, I'm aware how impro-..."

"Could you put your super polite talk aside and just tell me outright?"

Remus swallowed loudly. He took a few deep breaths before saying calmly, "I was wondering if maybe you could talk to Sirius."

"But I have already talked to him this evening."

"Yes, of course, but I mean a real talk. A proper conversation."

Tonks raised an eyebrow. She stood up and faced him, her arms crossed over her chest. There was still a distance of at least two steps between them.

"Ok, and what should I talk to him about?"

"It doesn't matter. Really. You can talk with him about whatever you want, and I guarantee you that it will make him happy."

"Explain."

"Pardon?"

"Why do you think a conversation with me would make Sirius happy. He doesn't even know me."

"That's the point. He wants to know you better."

The expression on her face showed that his answer had not convinced her. Not a surprise, though. Who normal would understand any of his babbling? Remus took another deep breath and tried to explain things one by one.

"Look, Ms Tonks, Sirius never had a good relationship with his relatives. He couldn't get along with his parents and brother, he didn't support their views. He was the first in the family to be sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. And he even ran away from home before he was of age."

"I already know all that."

"Yes, but you probably don't know that since his relatives couldn't create a family for him, he was looking for it everywhere around. Sirius wanted a family, but at the same time, he was too afraid to trust people. He still trusts only a handful of people, now maybe even less than ever. But believe me, for those he trusts, he is willing to sacrifice literally everything.

"And I can say without a doubt that he trusts you. When Moody told us about you, Sirius was so excited and joyful that he would meet you, oh… I wish you could have seen it."

"I'm sorry, but I don't get it. If he is so distrustful, why did he trust me? Again, he doesn't know me at all."

"I don't know why exactly, but I think it is because of your mother. The only relatives Sirius ever spoke well about were she and his uncle Alphard.

"Ok, let me get this straight," she used a sarcastic tone. "Since Sirius got on well with my mother during his childhood, he decided that I would now be his favourite cousin. That we'll act like we have some real family ties as if he came by my birthday at least every year or something. Did I get it right?"

"I understand that his behaviour may seem strange to you. But please consider what happened to him. He spent twelve years in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit. And he was on the run for the last two years. I suppose he didn't have many opportunities for human contact. And his social skills must have suffered from it."

"His social skill suffered? Please... So I should just trust him because he trusted me? He was in Azkaban for murder, and as far as I know, he has not yet been cleared of all charges. Not to mention that he is an unregistered Animagus. For me, he is a complete stranger. So forgive me for being suspicious."

"You have all the right to be suspicious and not to trust Sirius. But trust can be built with time. You just have to give him a chance."

"Yeah, you already told me that. But has it ever occurred to you that I don't need to come into closer contact with my mother's family? Why would I even want this?"

"Because it would be nice for both of you?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him almost with pity. _It would be nice?_ _Merlin, what’s wrong with you Lupin?_ This was probably the world's worst argument. If Remus ever had any chance of convincing her, he'd just lost it. Now he had to fix it somehow.

"You know, Sirius has waited and prepared for this evening the whole week. He really made an effort. Even this morning, at breakfast, he gave me a list of jokes to cross out those that were inappropriate. Of course, I had to cross out almost all of them. Sirius has a particular sense of humour."

Suddenly, her face changed. Her features seemed to soften, and her hands fell along her body. So Remus decided to grasp the nettle one lats time.

"Sirius is not in a good place right now. He would kill me for telling you this, but that's the truth. He needs a loved one more than anything right now. And I know that I'm not in the position to ask you for anything, but maybe you could just..."

"Give him a chance?"

" _Consider_ to give him a chance."

She was silent for quite a long time. Long enough to make him start panicking. Lupin was already sure that he had ruined everything when she finally spoke up, "All right. I will speak to him. "

Remus let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Thank you."

"Now it's my turn. I have a question for you, Lupin."

"I'm listening."

Tonks took two steps forward. She looked at his face, frowning, and arousing an unpleasant feeling of anxiety in Lupin.

"Why did you lie in the report for Mad-Eye?"

"Excuse me?"

"The report for Mad-Eye. From our mission in the Department of Mystery. Why did you lie about what really happened when the Death Eaters went in? I have seen the report, so I know you didn't write the truth. And I want to know why. Do you think you can blackmail me with this or something?"

Remus couldn't help but chuckle. The idea that a werewolf would blackmail an Auror was too funny. But of course, the whole situation was serious, so he grunted and made an earnest face.

"No, I would never dare to blackmail you, Ms Tonks."

"Then why did you lie?"

"It wasn't exactly a lie."

"You wrote it as though you passed out from a Death Eater attack, not mine. So it's not much different from lying. Now tell me why you didn't write what really happened."

Remus had to think about it. When he wrote the report, it seemed obvious to him to keep this incident silent. He didn't even know why he did it, he just did.

"I guess I just didn't saw a point in writing the truth. Knowing Moody, he would make a fuss about it."

"And he should make a fuss about it! What I did was unforgivable! I attacked a partner on a mission!"

"It was just a normal reaction. I don't hold it against you."

"WHAT?! How could these be a normal reaction? This should never have happened! I should know better, I should know that this whole silver thing was just a myth."

_Oh, right. Her cover story._

Did she really think he would believe it? An Auror trying to save a werewolf? It's nice that she wouldn't say it to his face why she really attacked him. But there was honesty no point in sugarcoating it.

"Why are you doing these weird half-smile again?"

Remus shook his head. He didn't even notice that he was smiling.

Tonks was looking at him a little pouting. Lupin wondered what to say to her. He was never good to lie someone in the face. And she wasn't just anybody, but an Auror, she was trained to catch people lying. So he decided to be completely honest with her.

"Ms Tonks, you don't have to pretend that you just made a mistake. It's all right. I know why you really attacked me."

"WHAT? You think I made it all up?"

"I know that _protecting_ me was not the real reason."

"Oh yeah? Then what was the _real_ reason?"

"I think we both know it."

"No, eh-eh, I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Please. Do I have to say it out loud?"

"I'm afraid that otherwise, we won't move on."

"Fine," he sighed, "you attacked me because you knew I was a werewolf."

As he said this, he tried to look her right in the face the whole time. But alas, on the last word, his gaze wandered to the floor in shame.

"Yeah," she said, and Remus heard her take a step closer, "I knew that. And? I don't see the connection."

"It's pretty obvious, Ms Tonks. You were in a dangerous situation, so you attacked me," he sighed, still looking at the floor. "And I don't blame you. Werewolves are indeed dangerous creatures. I can understand why people are afraid of them even when they in their human form. And I knew from the beginning that it would be better if you went on this mission with someone else. We don't know each other, so you have every right to be afraid of me."

"I'm not afraid of you!"

Her words made Remus look up. He noticed that in the meantime, her hair had turned red.

"You trucked your shirt into your pants and wear a wool waistcoat. You are everything else then scarry."

"Every wizard has prejudices against werewolves. Look, you know the Weasleys, right? You know that they are an open-minded, tolerant family. But when their son Ron found out about my condition, his first reaction was 'Get away from me, werewolf'. At first, everyone is scared and wants to defend themselves. It's an instinct."

"I didn't attack you because I was scared of you! I already told you that I made a mistake. That's all. Every Auror makes mistakes sometimes. But I can assure you that this won't happen again."

"Ms Tonks, do you really want me to believe that a competent Autor like you wouldn't know that silver can't hurt werewolves? That this is just a myth? Please forgive me, but I can't believe you could make such a mistake. I mean, in other circumstances, that could cost you your life."

Tonks stepped even closer so that their shoes almost knocked against each other. She slowly opened her eyes. It was impossible to ignore the anger on her face. And Remus could have sworn her hair turned an even more vivid shade of red.

"Listen, Professor Know-It-All, I don't know how to say it so that you will finally understand. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm _not_ afraid of you. And it looks like I'm a very incompetent Auror. By your definition, at least. Because I had doubts about whether silver could hurt you or not. And I preferred not to risk it. But know I see that it was a mistake because you obviously tend to be masochistic."

The intensity of her gaze was perplexing. There was something in her eyes... Remus didn't know how to call it. But he looked at them very long.

Was she really telling the truth? Was it possible that this extraordinary witch really had no prejudices against werewolves? Was she...

"O, good. You both here," said a voice from behind, "I need to discuss something with you."

Remus jumped in fear when Moody entered the library. In the blink of an eye, Tonks' hair returned to the blue she had had all evening. They both started to smile artificially as if they hadn't argued just a moment ago.

"This report from your mission," Moody said slowly approaching them. Remus felt sweat trickle down his back, "shows that you get along well."

Remus exhaled.

_If you only knew, Mad-Eye..._

Lupin and Tonks looked at each other, unsure how to react.

"Right?"

"Yes!" they responded simultaneously.

"Good. Because you'll have the Patronus training together."

"Eee… Mad-Eye," Tonks looked at Remus and then at Moody, "but I know how to cast a Patronus. So, shouldn't I have this training with you?"

"Yes, clever clogs, but I planned all training sessions to fit your old schedule. Now I would have to rearrange everything, specially for you. And I saw you both have a night off tomorrow, so it fit perfectly. You will have the lesson together. Just the two of you," he stressed the last sentence strangely, " I understand that you don't mind, right?"

Actually, Remus had something against it. And he suspected Tonks too. He quietly hoped they wouldn't be paired together anytime soon. But he couldn't say that to Mad-Eye now. He would know immediately that something was wrong between them and start asking uncomfortable questions.

"Right?!" he repeated with pressure in his voice.

"Of course!" they answered simultaneously, again.

"Good."

Fortunately, Moody was always a man of few words. He turned and left, leaving Tonks and Remus slightly shocked.

"He knows," Lupin whispered.

"He knows only that there is something wrong, but he doesn't know what exactly."

"Maybe we should tell him?"

"Merlin, no! It's too late for that. Now we must pray that he will never find out."

"Are you two coming?!" shouted Moody from the hall.

Tonks headed for the door first.

"You stay here?" she asked, standing already in the threshold.

"Eee, yes! I just need to get what I came here for. But don't wait for me."

"Ok, see you later!"

Tonks disappeared through the door, and Remus found himself listening to her footsteps to make sure she didn't stumble along the way. He shook his head as he realised what he was doing to come back to his senses.

He went to the desk and took some parchment, two quills, and a small ink bottle from one of the drawers. With these finds, he began to return to the dining room.

In the corridor, he met a few people who wanted to go home. Among them was Hesta Jones, with whom Remus planned to talk. Without thinking long, he walked over to her.

"Hestia, can I ask you for a minute?"

"Of course," she said happily, "what is it?"

"I heard from Sturgis that you have a talent for potions. And I was wondering if you would agree to prepare one on my order."

There was a sign of realisation mixed with shock in her face. Remus didn't quite understand the reason for this reaction. But after a while, Hestia spoke up and explained it, "Remus, please don't get me wrong. But I'm afraid you're overestimating me. I'm good with potions but not good enough to brew Wolfsbane Potion. You should ask Snape or maybe one of the Aurors."

"O, please, forgive me! I should be more precise. I wasn't thinking about Wolfsbane Potion. I wanted to ask about Dreamless Sleeping Potion."

"Oh! Right! I'm sorry that I assumed..."

"It's quite all right."

"No, I'm so sorry! Of course, I can prepare for you some Sleeping Potion!"

"Actually, it's not for me but for Sirius. Is there a chance that the potion will have orange flavour?"

"Orange flavour? No, I'm sorry. This potion is flavourless."

"Yeah, you're right. It's all ok. How much will I own you for the potion?"

"Eee..."

She looked confused. Surely Hestia must have been aware of his financial situation. Remus smiled at her for encouragement.

"I insist."

"All right. Preparing one cauldron costs two Galleons. And five bottles come out of a cauldron. But I can also sell you separate bottles."

Two Galleons. It was quite an expense for Remus. But he can afford at least one cauldron. And later he'll see how it goes.

They agreed on this price and Hestia promised that she would drop the potions at the headquarters the next day around noon. They said goodbye and Remus headed towards the dining room. There was only one more thing left on his to-do list. And he was going to do it as soon as possible.

But when Remus finally got there, he saw something, he would never have expected.

Lupin was glad because it seemed that his words made a small but meaningful difference.


End file.
